I was in 7th grade when Sammie was born.
I remember someone walked into my classroom to give me the message,
that my very first niece had arrived.
I was so excited,
I almost cried.

Right after school my cousin rushed me to see her.
I remember she was so tiny,
I held her carefully in fear that I would break her.
She was the cutest little thing I had ever seen.
She even smiled at me.

She was premature,
so there were a few things that needed to be done.
She was a little sick and ended up staying in the hospital for awhile,
and because she was born only three days before my birthday,
I spent my 13th birthday with her in the hospital room.

I didn't mind spending my time there.
I loved seeing her sweet little face.
Although I hated when she'd cry,
and we weren't allowed to comfort her.
She was so beautiful and fragile.

Before I knew it,
she started growing.
She started out as a baby who just slept all the time,
and turned into a crazy toddler,
who often walked into my room and stole my breakfast every morning.

When she started to talk,
she began calling me "Mamber".
She couldn't say Amber without an M at the beginning,
but I didn't try correcting her.
I loved it.

Suddenly she was 5 years old.
She started talking like a little adult,
and she'd sing along to all my favorite songs with me.
She would sometimes push my buttons just for a good laugh,
but I wouldn't change a thing.

When she turned 7,
we realized she was a little different than most kids.
She had fears,
similar to the ones I struggle with as an adult,
and she could barely function because of those fears.

We realized she had anxiety and OCD.
To think that my sweet little niece had to carry such a heavy weight,
broke my heart into pieces.
I've felt the power of anxiety,
and I know the pain that comes with it.

Thankfully,
we found a way to help her cope,
and she no longer suffered as badly.
A fear here and there would pop up along the way,
but nothing abnormal like before.

She's now 8 years old,
but she likes to pretend she's 18.
She tells me she wants to call me Amber now,
and I refuse to let her.
I think it'll break my heart if she does.

She looks around my room,
and admires the paintings and drawings I've done,
and tells me that when she's big she wants to do things like I do.
I tell her that when she gets big,
she can do anything she wants to.

I never knew I could love a little human being so much.
Sometimes I pick her up and squeeze her,
just to tell her that she has got to stop growing up so fast.
She tells me she wants to be big,
and that being little isn't fun.

I know she will grow up,
regardless of how much I want her to stay small,
but there's one thing I will never stop teaching her.
I will relay it in her mind,
until it sticks with her.

I will tell her:
Keep that child-like spirit.
Be a kid at heart,
always.
And never let the world convince you to grow up too fast.

I love my Sammie.
She will always be little in my eyes.
Even when she's the age I am right now,
I will always see that little curly headed girl,
with the bright hazel eyes..

so ready to conquer the world.

<3

I know what you saw when you were seven,
You watched your parents get murdered and go to heaven.
I know what they said about you,
But you know that all of it wasn't true.
You were my best friend.
I loved you until the very end.
you were just 14, confused and all alone.
after I left, we just talked by phone.
After your parents died, you were made fun of, and full of scars.
They didn't know it would go that far.
If I didn't move, If I had stayed,
would you have handled it a different way?
Would you have taken your own life?
instead of yours I wish it was mine.
I remember all our secrets, holding hands
we had a future, we had so many plans.
But now you will be loved, and never forgotten
just because of the killer and those bullies so rotten.
Are you up there with your mom and dad?
I promise to never forget the strong life you had.
I wish I could see you, but you aren't in hell
so after I die we will have no story to tell.
I won't be at your service
"a funeral is for the living, not the dead."
a quote from your favorite movie you said.
Ill miss you, you are forever in my heart
and your suicide has torn me apart.

Samantha Fox
Was  a panther
In a previous life
As well as an ox.

Not to mention
The wife of a
17th century cobbler
On the outskirts
Of Gillingham.

Which is unusual
As those who remember
Past incarnations
Are usually the wives
Of Heads of Nations
Or helped build pyramids.

Actually said Samantha
I forgot to mention
I was also the transistor
In Euclid's protractor.

Can you get anachronisticer?

Oh reincarnation
The rebirthing
Mother of invention.