Like a stem floundering through muck
Just to blossom in the sun,
I will do my everything
to make you feel at home.

When December ends and the sea
Reconnects to its frosty coat
And we stroll over pavements
Icey as opioded eyes

I will try to fix myself
Into your fantasy

For I know you could never
Be mine and I know

I have nothing left to lose

Apart from your physical presence.

‪I wish I could cut my brain into pieces‬
‪and not as a last resort.‬
‪Cut out the sadness,‬
‪the bad memories, ‬
‪the part that never listens,‬
‪all of it. ‬
‪The person looking back in the mirror ‬
‪is more than willing ‬
‪to give up anything as a sacrifice.‬

‪-mD‬

For you, my dear poetry,
I will not stir up my emotions
I will create them.

For you, my dear poetry,
I will not lie,
I will create a fiction so delicate and complex
that it becomes my truth.

For you, my dear poetry,
I will not close myself off,
I will tear my body open
and let the demons take control.

For you, my dear poetry,
I will not become a better person,
I will bathe in my emotions
and revel in my despair.

For you, my dear poetry,
I will do anything.

Back in 2007:
I understood everything that day.
You gave up your custody rights for me to live a better life outside of Chicago.
Greatest, yet,  most heartbreaking moment of our lives that you ever did for me.
It got me away from the gang life
And I thank you for it every day through prayer.
Because without that sacrifice,
I wouldn’t have became the man I am now....
I was 12 when this all started.

2008-2019:
From a far distance
You watched me grow up under another roof.
My shyness faded
While my character began to blossom.
I learned to express new emotions
Expand my vocabulary
Use my kindness to create relationships
Battle my sins, demons, as well as my own identity
Expanding my mind & soul.
Nevertheless, your baby boy survived.

But the truth is, I never see you anymore.
There hasn’t been a handful of times you came down to see me vs me see you
I felt a lost connection between us.
Those random days/ nights I needed you physically, not through the phone.
Is it because you couldn’t raise me like you wanted?
Maybe it's because I look like my father?
Or maybe it’s because you prefer to start living your own life now that i'm grown.
Which you deserve 100%
I wanna see you happy always.
However, my only wish is too see you more often.
That’s all....