We were calculating theoretical yields on chemcollective
and somehow we ended up dancing to ”go left.”

We were finding oxidation numbers on labster
but somehow we started laughing.

We were balancing chemical equations on PhET
but now we’re singing “World we created” with hair-bush microphones.

Believe your competence - be impressed with your progress.
Attack every challenge with self-contained ease.
Armor yourself with confidence.
You’ll like the way you enjoy it.

They think I'm joking

Those pills

                     That ledge

                                          The blades

All for their amusement because even while I'm dying I'm still a joke to you

I lay awake
hour after hour
while you did the same
in the very next room.

You've told me before just
how apprehensive you become
when the page is empty
and the stakes are high.
You have high hopes,
but when you bade me
"good night and sleep well"
I did see the flicker
of doubt-insomnia-excitement
hiding just behind your tired smile
like a candle in the wind.

It is near impossible to sleep
when you lie awake,
when love lies awake
in the next room.

But I am a coward,
afraid of losing you
long before I can call you mine.
And so I while away the hours
wondering if you want me
to walk down the passage
and crawl into your bed
just as much as I do.

We lie awake instead,
praying that sleep takes us
and carries us across the boundary
separating yesterday and tomorrow.
To take you to a bright tomorrow
me; into another lovesick Monday.
But sleep evades us
It is near impossible to sleep
when I know you lie awake
and love lies awake
in the very next room.

You are only friends with me when it is convenient for you
Ignore me every day
Come into our room and stay quiet
Coinhabitants; living but not talking
I know if it weren't for living together
you wouldn't want me around

We once were friends
now I think you barely can stand to be around me
What a shame

I remember the way you jumped into my arms
and declared that you were my roommate
when we stood in my old bedroom

Now I stand here deciding
stay or go?

The worst things about college
is living with someone
who was once your friend
but is no longer

Once we were friends
happy to be in each other's company
but now she doesn't speak to me
even though we inhabit the same space

I go through my day
being the same as before
but they ignore me and keep their heads down
when I pass them in the hall or on the way to class

I live in a space
where I am not wanted
I live in a space
where people talk around me
I live in a space
where girls talk about me when I'm not around

I wish I could leave
but there is still 56 days left in the semester
44 days since the fall out that changed my college life forever
That time has gone quickly
but was not without distress or misery
Will these 56 go by faster? I can hope

I'm not sure if I should complain anymore
Maybe this is my fault, I literally chose this life
Clothes on the floor, in the bathroom, overflowing everywhere
And she sleeps comfortably
4 more weeks
Lights burning until 5 am when you should probably be asleep because we both know you'll probably sleep through your 8 am, 8:15 am, 8:30 am alarms
And your classes, how many have you missed this semester?
Don't even reply
I chose this life the moment I chose to live here
But I didn't choose you
I didn't choose random civilians sleeping on our floor
Only to be alerted to their random comment on our behavior at 6 am when it's dark and the last thing a girl wants to hear in the midst of darkness is an unfamiliar male voice
4 more weeks
I did not choose your habits
The dishes have been piling up and
Is that mold on your sponge, don't answer that either
You laugh at the strangest things and maybe there shouldn't be a smile on your face while holding sharp objects
I did not choose my polar opposite in the worst possible way
We are like literal day and night and I never thought that I would hate it this much
4 more weeks
Just 4 more and then nothing but the bliss of being alone again in a safe place
My space