Sometimes one must sleep through storms to learn how to build a better shelter.

I am made entirely out of glass, if you look hard enough you can see the cracks gleaming through from my insides and begging you to fix me from the outside in. I am not something to be forgotten and yet I always am. I am put inside that box without newspaper to keep my edges safe or bubble wrap to hold me in place and even still those precautions will never be as secure  as your hands once were to me.
I'm getting colder with every piece of me that bleeds into the abyss and will never be seen again. By the time we get home next I will have lost another piece of me that you once cherished more than yourself. I'm apalled that you just let me fall away from you so easily when you once told me you adored me more than you adored most things. You polished me daily and put me on the highest shelf, I was the largest priority to you until I started falling apart again and you found other statuettes of glass to keep your company as you waited for me to glue myself together again.
But that's not how this works. You can't just collect knick knacks like it's your hobby, and tell them you hold such a substantial amount of affection for them and move onto the next without even telling the prior that you were sorry you broke them but their needs were no longer important... or perhaps never were.
As you caress the curves of every other goddess you set your eyes on and you become overwhelmed by the beauty of them all, I hope you shatter under the pressure like you shattered the rest of us. I hope you come to the realization that the amount of perfection that you receive in that specific juncture is not your decision any longer.

i.

your ribcage is not a ladder
for demons
to crawl their way up your body

ii.

your eyes aren’t black pits
in which everybody can see
every part of you reflected

iii.

remember that you are the only person
who can look in the mirror
and see you staring back,

iiii.

you cannot creep up on yourself

iiiii.

and just because blackberries
taste sweet
doesn’t mean they won’t rot
over time

iiiiii


It’s okay to feel like the roots
that anchor you
are mangled underground

There are so many things that I regret
The list is longer than I can write here
Each day brings more regrets
I regret that I do not learn from past regrets.

I regret not saying I am sorry
I regret not forgiving and moving on
I regret not being fully honest
I regret not letting you in
I regret...*

Reminders of past failures
Ever in the forefront of my mind
Getting lost in the confusion
Reality that I live in
Emotional
Trying and failing
Sorry

I cannot escape you
even when I try

You’re always there in the shadows
waiting for lyrics from The 1975 to bring you out

Like a constant ringing in my ears
replaying conversations and memories

My days used to be spent with you in my head
and smiles on my face

Now they are filled with empty thoughts
trying to cover up your reoccurring presence

And oh god do I dread the night
when there is nothing to busy myself with

And I am left helplessly vulnerable
to the feelings that suffocate me

Drowning in our last night together
loathing that I can still hear your voice say my name

There is an agonizing and gaping hole right in the middle of me
where you once were

And even though there is such a lack of you
you are still always there

I cannot escape you

I  love  the  sun  upon  the  streaks
That  are  the  ideal  portrait  
Of  my  dream.

I  love  to  sing  the  sadness  of  a  flute
When  the  mist  is  in  me          
And  I’m  lost  within  myself.
                                                  
The  same  kind  of  coldness
Brings  the  same  familiar  feeling.
It  envelopes  my  body
And  smarts  out  the  memory.

A soft kind of sadness
Edging like incessant  rain
To a soft kind of
Happiness and pain.

We've all had nights when it was hard to breathe
We've all wanted to smash mirrors and punch walls
We've all let someone down
We've all made someone cry
We've all broken someone's heart
We've all given someone the wrong answer

We've all done unforgivable things.
We've all choked on an "I love you"

subway
ed sheeran, especially give me love, our ******* wedding song
black and white photos
england, you wanted to show me everywhere
6"2'
the fault in our stars
always
italian, why did you even feel the need to say ti amo
*****, you were drunk when you said it the second time
5.30am
scars on people's wrists, don't be silly, you said it was an accident
collar bones
tumblr
dreams, the good ones were mine, the bad ones were yours
voice recordings
11.11 wishes, the ones you promised you'd help make come true
the word ****
succulents, like on your windowsill
bastille and cars, you would always sing along in the passenger seat
postcards
airport and train station reunions
all those songs i played just for you on my guitar
my sister's birthday, why did you have to choose that date
you're perfect for me, you swore you weren't a liar
***
the anne frank house, where you were ******* texting me from
february 26th
melbourne's federation square
your name was in a movie and i started to cry

Bad days will pass; the sadness will go away. Good days will pass; happiness doesn't last forever. Nothing does.
2. Not everything is worth your time or energy or brain space. Sometimes you need to just let things go.
3. You're not alone. You never were. You are surrounded by people that care about you, and if you don't think so, look closer.
4. Mental health and physical health come before grades and school, always. You need to take care of yourself.
5. The most self-destructive thing you can do would be to place all your love and happiness into someone else's hands, without leaving any for yourself. People are fluid. They change, and one day you might find that they left all your love to wither and die out on the street, with no regard for your feelings.
6. The hardest thing to do is to love yourself. But the hardest thing and the right thing are usually the same.
7.  You never actually wanted to die. You just wanted to start living.
8. It's okay to cry. Contrary to popular belief, crying doesn't mean you're weak. It means you're human.
9. Life is way too short for you to spend it surrounded by people that don't care, or people that make you feel ******. Be with people that fill you with positivity and light; people that are willing to stay up until two in the morning with you because your mind is a mess and you don't trust yourself to be left alone. Be with people that love you with every fiber of their being, and that you love even more than that.
10. You need to remember that once upon a time you were a little child, wide-eyed and curious about the world. You didn't lash out at people, you didn't harm yourself on purpose, you didn't starve yourself just so you could be lovely. And some nights, if your entire mind is attacking every single thing that you've ever done, it helps to pretend that you're that little kid again, because how could you possibly hate the three year old version of yourself? You can't. But you're still that three year old version of yourself. And that five year old version, and that nine year old version, and that eleven year old version, somewhere deep down. And if you can't find one single thing to love about your current self, that's okay. Find something to love about any of the other versions. Anything.
11. The coldest, cruelest people were once as warm and welcoming as the sun. So the next time you’re walking around and you decide that the world is an awful place, look closer. See the people around you as they are when they’re with the person they love. See them as they are when their eyes are lit up and they’re talking or thinking about something that they’re really passionate about. Look past the walls that they’ve built around themselves. The world is not an awful place full of broken people. The world is a beautiful place full of fragile precious people that are lost and wandering but still hopeful. If you look around and see misery, look around again and see what’s hidden behind the misery.
12. You're only here on this Earth for a short period of time. You're born, you go through life, then you die. You were blessed with a little bit of the galaxy in your body and stardust in your veins. So make the most out of every single moment that passes by, because you might not wake up tomorrow.