I do not know where the last five years went
Cannot explain how time disappeared
I'm not really sure how we got from there
All the way across the atlas to here

Just know I could never forget
How it felt when you would hold me tight
I am so glad we gave it a shot
Found comfort in night after night

I might not know what day of the week
It was when our spirits first met
But I am sure the happy moments you bestowed
Are the best I've encountered yet

I hope we are still made for eachother
Don't think that bond can change
Been a long time since we've been together
I still love you but it somehow feels strange

I wrote a letter explaining my thoughts
Five pages long front AND back
Still haven't mustered strength to hand it to you
Even after a year has nearly passed

Never figured emotions out
Steadily losing sense and sanity
Think of the past and ask myself "If I let go of hope,
Why can't I do the same with memory?"

One day you are gonna love me back
Like you have loved before
Without any fear of breaking
Without any hurt

I m gonna build that trust
Where you can be yourself
Where you can feel the warmth
Where you can be fear less

I m gonna fill this spaces
Where i lack
Where the monsters hide
Where the darkness rules

I m gonna prove it
To be worthy of your love
I m gonna make you proud
To be one who holds you

Its gonna be hard
But i wont break
Its gonna get hurt
But i will wait

Wait
For that single day
For that little hour
For that slightest minute
For that flashing moment
Where you shall be fearless
To love me back
Without any smallest doubt
And that time will froze
That feeling will be stored
Carried on
Until i live.

An empty room,
Full of ancient boxes
And *******
And other discarded things,
Accumulated over
Years and years;
But still, emptiness.

I return to this
Room more often than not
When I am
Trying to remember them,
Remember the things I
Left behind;
But they are gone.

tense tense ten, days left
the strain of a rope-wrapped-hand weakening
until the lights flash like first class grins do...
                                                do you remember

carol of the bells echoing off the walls,
the repetitions don't sound like chords anymore
but mutter, sigh, and oh no
i have so much to be sorry for
                                   do you remember when she

because the sun is setting at 4:43pm and
the warmth is leaving the world too quickly now.
dewy-eyed, no it's fine. everyone is happy, right?
                    do you remember when she laughed?

at peppermint tear drop petals
silver shine bright ornaments
red and white mix like the night on the bathroom floor
                     remembering, remembering, remembering.
the clock always tick-tocks the same

when she yelled, cooked, danced
with love until anticipation replaces grief
and family connections are dis
connected, confrontations, confusion

remember when she used to smirk?
                 no. this is how it is now...

Memory. These memories are
Exhausting. Clawing, attacking
Me. Weary and hurt I fight them
Desperately. In self-defense
Bloodied. Battered by longing to
Forget. Flailing hands before my
Face. Their relentless assault, it’s
Vicious. I pray for mercy from
Memories. They take all of my
Strength. If I could defeat one I’d
Forget. Each and every one.