I lived,
to write
my story of
survival for people
who are suffering victims.

"I am content to follow to its source
Every event in action or in thought;
Measure the lot; forgive myself the lot!
When such as I cast out remorse
So great a sweetness flows into the breast
We must laugh and we must sing,
We are blest by everything,
Everything we look upon is blest."

A Dialogue of Self And Soul - W B Yeats

Disruptions in orders and patterns we’ve grown into
Should never be the key to a growing issue
When faced with bumps in the road ahead
Learn to love and forgive, never apprehend.

I used to hate your healthy avocados...until I had one
Not that your coffee tasted superior to my tea
But what's taste when you season mine with gun powder?
Yes, In case you did not detect
There is a lot of hate in this one
Call me aggressive and spiteful
Whilst holding your rifle
They say hate begets hate begets hate begets hate
So for you to understand
I put aside my ignorance and try to walk in your shoes

OK, let's start:

A lot of trees
Beautiful sky, delightful breeze
A rich land where tenants are a many and they shun the proprietor
I know I promised to be nice
But let's face it for that white picket fence, someone had to pay the price.

Start again:

Sunny coasts
Bacon, eggs on toast
Walk the dog in the park, life is not all that hectic here.
To make it clear, running out of coffee is my basic fear.

Flat stomachs
In fact, six packs!
Cupboard full of knick-knacks
and plenty of time to kick back and relax
Never-ending supply of niceties

Calm waters
Long walks along the harbor
and perhaps a tall pint of lager at the pub

Throw some juicy ones on the barbie mate!
Who cares if 6.2 mil in Somalia are starving mate?
You say to me:
"survival of the fittest, Darwin mate"
"It's so difficult to fit in" I say; so tiring MATE
Did I say that right?
I'm Mohammad, as James in a play called "Aussie Catch Up"
and I don't know how to play that part

What else can I say? they gave me a voice (although in English)
between the self deprecating migrant and the middle eastern rag head, the gave me a choice

And by the way my boss tried to anglicize my name
Said Sebastian had a nice ‘ring’ to it
Well go ahead, march to your colonial tune and have me sing to it

Oh healthy avocados, you're too ripe for my liking
Maybe I'm just used to a bit of rawness in my diet
To be honest
I have a heavy heart, a dark one
Maybe to reconcile, you should take a step
a very very very very very very long one

Hate that you don't want me
But love that you don't need me
Don't you hate it when you're torn
Between all these ******' feelings
Love that you hate me
But lately, I can't take it
And everything is recently eating me
I'll surrender to every thought
And yeah you don't care at all
But babe I've had my share of regrets
But you were never one of them
Our true potential is still undiscovered
But how can we work this out
When you're hiding in the closet
And I ain't trying to cast you in iron chains
I'm just trying to make a change
And I want you as part of that plan
So step up and give me everything
This was never worthless in my eyes
But you burned some scars deep into my soul
But all that is over, Now I'm feeling sober
And I'm feeling so right, right now
Just wish you'd understand me better
See I'm not trying to make this heavier
Then it has already been
The rains washed away all the hate in my heart
And my heart is still pumping blood
Through every part of my veins
And I still get the shakes every time I hear your name
And I would never trade what we have
But right now it feels like all we had
I'm just hoping you can take a chance
Look at me instead of just glance
And sometimes the glass just shouldn't be fixed
But I think we should in a case like this
I just hope there's still a spark there
And I won't stop until I trigger it
I can still feel the electricity in the air
And I know that I've still got a love for you
Deep down inside and I don't want to let it hide
Just hope that you can put a little faith in me
Because I still believe in all you are baby.

©2018 Written By Benji James

I’ve seen shooting stars,
Their, bodies, burning undesired
Thrown away
Like banished tears
From the dark pupil of the sky
I’ve been holding the hand of
A decade worth of dreams undone forever
So they could achieve dreams of their own
Before my gaze
I’ve held their ghosts in my arms
I’ve been standing at a full “I mustn’t” worth of distance
From their lips
I’ve been filling in vain, the bottomless glasses
Of the most beautiful words,
That spring from the electric spark
Beneath the ribs
I’ve been leading the guerilla squads
Of my beliefs
Against the empire of Impossibility,
And its most decorated generals: Doubt,
Insufficiency, Wrong…
I’ve lied face-down, hands tied behind my back
For that traitor, Restraint…
But now… I forgive him now…
And now, Empires fall on their own
Now those dreams unachieved,
Meticulously paint their eyes
Wrinkled from the salty trickles,
That realization has drawn towards me
For I’ve always known that…
Loving is now or never
You cannot wrap it in tinfoil
And freeze it for later
Yet, they, those morally unattained, chastely righteous dreams,
They do arrive at Knowledge station
Aboard the Intuit train,
Atop the tracks of true common sense,
Alas, too late.
My loving is given now
To Fulfillment,
For it chose now to never
And caressed my scars of restraint
With warm fingertips
And kissed my see-through “I mustn’t” from the other side of the wall
To melt away the distance to my bloodless lips