A moment of solace  
Destroyed by the sea,  
It's pulling me under,  
I cannot break free.  

I cling to the boat,  
My grip starts to fade—  
The storm rages louder,  
It’s time to be brave.  

A torrent of water,  
Crushing my chest,  
Pinning my body,  
Stricken of breath.  

My mind is a storm,  
Fear pulls me deep—  
I watch as the shadows  
Swallow my sleep.  

I hear my name  
As you call for me,  
You settle the noise,  
The storms and the sea.  

All light disappears,  
My vision is blurred—  
A violent squall  
Is all that’s heard.  

Then—a faint whisper,  
A break in the roar,  
Your voice finds me  
As I reach for the shore.  

By Darren Wall ©

Nightmare inducers and adrenaline junkies
Looking for excuses to let loose.

I eat bananas where there are no windows.

Somebody is getting binned tonight or today.
No guitars. Silence only.

Today, a years-long claim got denied — again.
I have been fighting the veterans affairs office
for too much of my life.
Sitting here at a job that brings me nothing, I silently weep
inside about the battle that I have to continue fighting.
At my work bench, surrounded by strangers to my struggles
I’m transported back to my first encounter
with the hellish reality of life in the Marines.
His cries for help rip me out of my bunk.
With his arms locked, under the boys armpits and across his chest,
he drags him out from the squad bay bathroom.
We’ve been in basic training only two weeks now.
Fresh out of high school,
our friends haven’t even left for college yet.
Blood sprays from his neck.
He’s laid on the ground, and my hands, like bandages,
are around him now trying to keep his life inside of him.
I never knew how hot freshly spilled blood was.
I close my eyes, and pray someone will come save him
and me.
I was only 18
and so was he.

                                        Hands, covered in life
                              It’s lost warmth — searing my skin
                                        Save me from this hell

The distance between us  
Stretches, vast and dark,  
A storm of broken senses  
That tears me apart.  

Out here, I wrestle  
With nature’s cruel game—  
Waves whip and lash me,  
Salt brands me with shame.  

Mountains of water,  
Crash, freezing my skin,  
I’m anchored to the seabed,  
Crushed with guilt, and sin.  

Fear is my existence,  
Hope feels far from home.  
Encircled by water,  
I’m fighting alone.  

Memories surge,  
A flickering reel,  
Each one a wave  
I can no longer feel.  

Numb to the light,  
And the glorious view,  
A break in the storm—  
Leads me to you.

By Darren Wall ©

I'm drifting out to sea,  
Where the storms brew,  
At peace with the thunder,  
Entranced by the view.  

The lightning leads,  
As my eyes fixate—  
The violent storm  
Communicates.  

I can't hear your cries,  
I can't feel your pain,  
Blind to your attempts  
To save me again.  

The sea crashes,  
I’m dragged from the shore,  
Trapped and alone—  
To fight this harsh war.  

I'm lost in the storm  
That silences your plea.  
Don’t cry for me now…  
This fight is in me.  

By Darren Wall ©

What it feels like when I can’t breathe.
Like some thief just stole my joy,
Made me gasp for air.
It happens like this,
when I feel like no one cares.
Why am I like this?
So emotional,
Don’t they know it kills me,
to not be normal?
If I breathe in and out…
Like everyone else does.
Maybe I wouldn’t panic,
The endless teardrops barge past, my bloodshot, swollen eyes
Nothing about this is normal
But yet they criticize
Stop crying.
Just breathe.
There’s no need for tears.
It’s like being mocked has become my biggest fear.
It makes me feel insane.
And feel suffocated.
I know im not crazy,
I know im just different.
But for someone who suffers from, PTSD, there’s a big difference.
I have had my struggles and emotional trips. I have obsessive-compulsive thoughts that get stuck like a switch.
Some say it’s easy to handle
Just don’t think about it.
But once something is in my head, leaving doesn’t exist.
So if I’ve ever cared for you, you’re always in my head.
There’s no way for you to disappear even with a single med.
I just want to breathe normally.
I just want to be seen.
I just want to be okay.
I just want to be me.

His senses hold him prisoner,  
Overwhelmed and alone.  
The walls are his burden;  
The light, too much to bear.  

The soaked linen of yesterday’s news,  
Stained with fear from battles before—  
An old uniform hangs alone,  
Boots polished beside paper awards.  

Headlights cast broken shadows,  
Each a spectre of the past.  
Empty scotch bottles and cigarette burns  
Mark a slow crawl to solitude.  

Light burns through a slither 
His heart beats through the walls.  
Strangled by the sirens  
That triggered him before.  

He needs to be cradled,  
Yet no hand reaches for him.  
He sways back and forth,  
A pendulum of grief.  

Screams, muted by paralysis;  
Silence pervades the void.  
Fractured by a rasping breath  
And a crescendo of emotions.  

The warning bells pass—  
They did not come for him.  
His fragile breath of sorrow  
Whispers to an empty room.  

By Darren Wall ©

Clutching my chest
I can’t breath
I can’t see
I can’t be
Me