Submit your work, meet writers and drop the ads. Become a member
ac 4h
two years ago
we were at church camp
i told myself i forgive you
i told God that i forgive you

i thought that if i forgave you
the nightmares would stop
the triggers would cease
and that maybe a could see you as a person
and not the person who took everything from me

but that’s not what happened
it all got worse
the nightmares became real
i wake up screaming
begging for you to stop

i don’t forgive you
i never will
i hate you
with all of my being

they know what you did to me
and the know what it did to me
yet they allow you to bother me
they allow you to be in the same room
they allow you to be in society

if wishes were bullets
you’d be dead to me
Nosy 1d
The day of my release
I walked the streets
Seeing the sky and the grass under my feet
It was weird, I was free
But not free from my memories-
They flee,

The people I once knew,
Can't look me in the eye
They know what I did,
But so do I, because everyday I relive-
All the things that haunt me

Every day's a clock, with no hands
Each minute strikes the soul like a match
How am I supposed to relive-
Relearn to live

The cars and the people
The dog on the corner,
He barks like crazy
But nothing will be as crazy as the thought
Maybe I want to go back to-
What was once my living doom

I was told to get a job
But right now crossing the street-
Feels like my head will pop
All the honks and the shouts
Who knew the world could be so loud

In confinement it was quiet
Because a noise too loud,
Could trigger a guard,
Beating us until,
the lights went out-

Showers and meals were on a schedule,
Now I have to decide for myself
And still I manage
I cross the street-
Not trying to vanish-
In my internal defeat.
It starts like static-
a flicker in the dark,
a shift in the air
before the collapse.

I'm washing dishes.
I'm crossing a street.
I'm laughing-
and then I'm not.

Something small tilts the world.
My chest tightens,
my skin doesn't feel like mine,
and the moment swallows me whole.

I hate how they still live in me-
their voices in the corners,
their hands on the memories
I never wanted to keep.

The anger simmers
under every surface.
For what they did,
for what they didn't,
for how they shaped me
without permission.

I trace the outlines of what could’ve been-
a word spoken,
a door opened,
a version of me
they never got to break.

But the past is a house
that locks from the inside.
I scream through the keyhole
and call it healing.

Some days I am a person.
Some days I am a symptom.
I carry both
without dropping either.

I live with tremors.
I move through fog.
I smile like nothing cracked,
and shake
when no one is looking.

And still-
somehow-
I stay.
I breathe.
I come back
to myself.

Again.
It doesn't ask.
It never knocks.
It just shows up-
mid-sentence,
mid-step,
mid-me.

My body remembers
things I don't want to.
Fluorescent lights,
locked doors,
her voice like venom,
his hands,
the smoke thick enough
to erase a home.

I'm split between moments.
One version of me
is pouring coffee.
The other is back
in a room I begged to leave,
screaming behind my eyes
while my face stays still.

And people say
"but you're safe now."
Like my nervous system
understands logic.
Like my skin
doesn't still flinch at kindness,
like safety is a thing
I've ever known for sure.

I carry too many names.
******. Liar. *****. Crazy.
He. She. It.
I carry too many versions of myself
that other people made
without asking.

And I'm so ******* angry.
At her.
At them.
At the system that locked me up
when all I needed
was to be held without harm.
At the fact that I'm still here
trying to make something soft
out of what they left jagged.

Sometimes I wish
I could go back-
whisper to the kid
who hid under blankets
trying to disappear.
Tell him: you were right.
Tell them: it wasn't your fault.
Tell me
I'd get out.

And I did.
But sometimes,
parts of me still don't know that.
They shake,
they shut down,
they show up uninvited.

And I breathe,
even when it burns.
And I stay,
even when I want to run.
And I write,
because it's the one place
I get to be the one
telling the story.
i'm deafened by the
silence; air palpable
and I can hear my
heart beat fast.

Its like I was
back there again.
Weeply 7d
Making my heart palpitate.
As if first time seeing the light,
Eyes can’t but dilate.
Will I be strong enough to fight?

The making of widows,
Raining fire from above.
Atrocities to make a man’s inside black hollows.
Can I deserve your love?

Trials of redemption?
Consider me a failure.
Masks of smiles the only depiction
Smirks and laughs my only hope to allure.

Brother if we share the same veil,
On me is the first pint of ale.
This was written about recognizing when my fellow Veterans need help
Pain poured from my being, dripping from my fingertips like blood. Emotion scaled the walls and crept into my heart like a silent scream.
My heart beat inside my mind, its pace quickening, and my senses heightened.
My body felt the ache of the war that tore through me.
I am still healing from the battles this world has ****** upon me.
My body feels like a war zone.
I gasp through the tremors of pain, night terrors clinging to my sheets.
My jaw is tight from clenching; pain is a constant, and I am still here.
I am still fighting.

-Rhia Clay
This poem is very personal to me. I have PTSD from my time in the military, and I wrote it recently to express the feeling of being triggered. The preparation for war, the experience of war itself, and all that occurs in between are not pretty. Military service and the invisible battles faced by those who serve—often without the permission to show their struggles—can take a significant toll, with some paying the price for a lifetime. I do have many good days, but this poem was not written on one of them. Thank you for taking the time to read this note and my poem.
Ria Jun 22
In a haze of anger
The touch of a horrible boy and my screams shake my bones

My mentor repeats my name
Until I am in front her
My mind folding in on itself

I tell her every ounce of rage, fear, and hate
The only things my heart can grasp
I spill until I am empty

The person I look up to
Funny, kind, understanding, strong

Says
"I understand more than you will ever know"
I realize we aren't so different after all
Isabella Ford Jun 18
I am but one man,
moving through the world
like something forgotten.
Not feared, not chased—
just left behind.

They called me a lone wolf
like it meant strength,
like solitude was a choice.
But I was never brave.
Just lonely.
Just left to figure it out
on my own.

My father raised his voice
and his hands—
storm after storm,
tearing through the halls
like I was the thing that broke him.

I used to hide in closets,
curled into corners,
holding my breath
like silence might save me.
The dark became a shield.
My own heartbeat,
my only sound.

He never hit me with his fists alone.
His words struck deeper—
called me too soft,
too needy,
too much of everything
no one wants.

And I believed him.
Even now,
his voice lives in my thoughts,
louder than any kindness
I’ve tried to collect since.

I went searching,
you know—
in the arms of anyone
who looked at me like I was something.
I gave pieces of myself away
just to feel wanted,
even for a night.

But they always left.
Or I did.
Because when they got too close,
I remembered—
that boy in the closet,
waiting for someone to open the door
and find him worth saving.

I never learned to stay.
Never learned to trust
that love could be soft,
that hands could hold
without hurting.

Only the animals stay.
They curl into me
without needing answers.
They don’t pull away
when I go quiet.
They just stay.
And that’s more than most.

Now I hide in new ways—
behind silence,
behind tired smiles,
behind a life that looks
just okay enough
to not ask questions.

But I’m still hiding.
Still aching.
Still wondering
if there’s anyone who won’t flinch
at the weight I carry.

Tonight, the quiet is heavy.
And I am tired
of being alone
in a world that keeps moving
without ever noticing
I needed to be held.

Call it weakness.
Call it memory.
Call it what’s left
of a heart that’s still breaking
for something
it never got to have.
Narin Jun 16
Rabid dog,
On a leash,
I forged the chain,
All for their peace,
Rabid dog.
Wrapped it around myself with my own paws.
Next page