I must say
Though I am
Just a suthsayer
Not supersain
But this I say here
With a beer (non alcoholic)
In my hand
There are to
Types of memories
Milfs :
Memories I’d like to forget
And then there
Are glimmers:
The real good stuff
That you should remember
But I am just saying
Human to human
As a starseed
Not a supersayen

My body remembers the trauma
My body remembers the pain
My body remembers the unforgivable things you did to it
My body remembers the shame.

My body recalls the lack of sleep,
The fear as you enter my room.
Decades pass, we're there others?
One could only assume.

My body goes through therapy
To heal and make the burden lighter
Years of silence and darkness
The cracks are getting brighter

Did he really do it? They ask
The question a burden in itself
She will have to prove it! They say
The whispers do not help

He knows what he has done
Yet will cry of innocence
The years he took, he stole mine
It's time to face the consequence

Fight or flight will always be there
It will never go away
The memories burn as a sickening image stuck inside my brain.

Those who are suffering in silence
From what he did to them
It is scary, draining and painful
But you no longer have to pretend


We will carry the burden together
I will be the voice for you
I am taking back my power,
You can take back yours to

He no longer has control
Of what I choose to speak
Years of trauma in silence
Please know that I am not weak

I remember the smell, the touch, the feelings and the pain
His actions have ramifications
It's time he takes the blame

For my body remembers the trauma
Of everything he did
Invisible scars, he deserves bars
Because I was just a kid

As I am  writing in my diary
I talk about the strange dark
And wonderful
But that might just be
For a dream journal
As I am writing in my diary
I see that I am dissociating
From reality
The reality that is oppressive
As I  am writing in my diary
I am writing the final chapter to my memoir
Thus far

You doing now what
Freedom is until
You flee a war torn country
You will never no the need to
Eat unless you’ve been in famine
You don’t know what’s
Sick
Unless you’ve been in see the human soul
And what is pure good too

Trauma wasn’t just a word for someone like me
Like vines with thorns, the memories cut me, wrapping me in utter vulnerability
People say I've had a good life and I have it better than the boy who was hit last week
But what about the girl I used to be, hiding with the monsters because humans scared me
The word trauma is what people use when something is uncovered or discovered
But over time it loses meaning, becoming stale like left out bread
Because people who throw the word around think people who hide from the vines are actually fine
When we are running from not only the demons in our minds but the light of reality
Suffocating with bad habits to keep the memories locked and not for a rainy day
But so we can finally get a moment of peace in this ****** up masterpiece-
That we call reality
I wish I could go back to when instead of thorns there was rose buds growing with me
But they were cut and protective lies surrounded the oh so fragile identity
My mind a graveyard of what it could've been if not for unfortunate events following me
The lies are spilled not just because I'm scared but it's hard to open up when all I've done is lock away any truths that could lay me bare
Like a scab I pick at the wound, the feeling unnerving and almost deserving, like a silver shine pressing another line, ending in a numbing relief
Pain distracts from the others that are greater, because how the hell do I breathe with no oxygen
Crimson brings me back, the sting is the oxygen I crave, guilt and shame will take a minute to scream.
Oh I just wanted to be free.

But it’s over now
It should have never even began
It was so long ago
Yet it feels like it was yesterday
Others have had it worse
And others have had it better
They didn’t mean it like that
What other way could they have meant it?
This will destroy my family
It has already destroyed you
They already walk on eggshells around me
The eggs that they broke in the first place
I was too much,
You were sick
I was weak
You were a child.
But they’re my parents, how could I not forgive them?
But you’re their kid, how could they do something unforgivable?
No one stopped it
No one knew
Who could I have gone to?
Those you have loved
They never even knew me
Because you never even let them
But it’s over now

tell me how a love, so fierce and unbreakable
that it can withstand even the blade of Excalibur,
crumbles into dust in an instant?
because my father once loved my mother
with such fervor;
he inked his skin with her nicknames
and the beauty she wore.
he vowed forever to give all of him to her
and never dare lay a hand on her.
but the timeworn plot
finally became twisted
when he began pouring all his violent outbursts
onto her while she was bearing his children,
breaking every limb and bone in her body
until she begged him for mercy
to bring back the man,
who pleaded with her many times
to set down the same blade in her hand
that she found on her mother's deathbed,
then the time when i was still in her womb,
and the last time she placed the blade
around my throat.

every now and then that i think of my mere existence,
i ask myself what might have happened in the house
where my mother had been raised.
was it lively and loud,
or was it filled with deafening silence?
i also contemplate upon the source of the poison
running in my father's bloodstream.
where could it have come from?
was it from his own father,
or did it come from the blood on his very own hands?
because they turned him into a demon,
of which i became the victim of his wicked, manipulative schemes;
and they left my mother powerless against him,
forcing her to live such life
built on a twisted kind of love.

@boonthemoonluv

i pour all that is left of me into poetry
until i become too much for words to bear,
too much for my therapist to endure,
and too damaged for medications to repair.

so, i metamorphose into an artist
to reach for my 6B graphite pencil,
and let my storming rage of agony and anger
crawl across the pages
towards those who promised to keep me safe and sound,
only to leave me trembling in fear on the ground;
towards those who offered reassurance i never asked for,
only to walk out of my life and say that i was just being unreasonable;
and towards those i welcomed into my life,
only to have them slam the door in my face again and again
.
once i have sketched out my fiends,
clawing at the child in me i could not fight for,
all i could do was scream in silence
as i helplessly watched them take her childhood away from her.

i've metamorphosed, not into an artist,
but into someone filled with so much wrath and doubt.

i wonder if i will i ever look at myself in the mirror
without screaming at the sight of the hidden scars
across my face and body.

and i wonder if i will ever taste the kind of love
that is built, not on power as a means of possession, or merely to satisfy oneself, but on compassion, acceptance, and mutual respect.

@boonthemoonluv