I sit here again
with a beer and a cigarette
communing with a lost soul
my own?
    someone else's?
I read scripture and the
words dance around me
a thousand flights of fancy
on the page
my incense burning
this pure incense burning
this pure understanding
of the cruel nature
of humanity
of friends, heroes, lovers
I write it all down
try to solve it
it stands before me
a picture of my steps
to this point
I have reached the point
of unabashed unregulated
distorted reality
my daily life
the breathing
the eating
the sleeping
it doesn't seem any more real
than this life I live
in my head
or somewhere in my heart
and I long to touch the
part of me that is real
but I am so disconnected

flowers in the winter still grow towards the sun
and such is my soul
leaning leaning
toward the everlasting source
                                                     reality fails me
and lights go dim
and I cause the moon to glow for a light
somewhere in this dark night
                                                  and I can't stop believing in a God that doesn't exist
                      but which pushes further down this tunnel into the hell
of my eternity
and I can't
find simplicity
can't find purity
it's all convoluted
I hate the game
   shifting pulling
begging for release
and somehow I am
an ember in a fire
bent on burning out
forever
and I have a soul
I have a heart
someone acknowledge me in this newspaper grey world
I am flat lining
where will I go after
this life has sloughed off my skin
I know I am endless
and I am bound for a world
where opinion doesn't taint reason
                            and somehow
                            I will be there
                            where the sky meets space
                            I will be there
                                                   somehow.

I sit and wonder if it is all
ending and if it is meaningless
and I can't see the reason to even
try and then I hear a voice
echo within me that says
you will see, wait for tomorrow
you will see.

your shadow
means that you
are in the way
of sunshine.

why else do you think it's so dark?
you evil little human.

- v.m

Where have I been and what have I done?
My shoulders seem to weigh a ton.
Why am I here and when will it end?
Where is everyone I called friend.
Can anyone save me?
To help these thoughts in my head be free.
Is it possible to run from yourself?
To push back these feeling people dealt.
When will my voice be amplified?
Over this mass mental genocide.
When will they notice our plea’s?
Our plea for help that's sent across oceans and seas.
How can we let these deaths go unjustified?
This topic must stop being brushed aside.
Why do 105 people a day have to die?
To dream, fall, crash, then suicide.

I’ve lost friends to suicide
And I wish I knew the reason
But who am I to judge you
You’re not alone

You were my brother
So to me that’s treason
I only wish that
I could have been there
To have your back
And ease the slack
You’re not alone

I know you had the weight
Of the world
On your shoulders
They threw stones at you
But you threw boulders
You’re not alone

Growing colder than last season
I’m haunted by visions
Of you leaving
Eating at me
Being happy
Is a choice I force
Myself to make

Meanwhile with eyes closed
In the depths of the night
I lie awake
And picture myself
At the bottom of the lake
You’re not alone

I don’t mean to make them sad
I just had to mention that
No cry for attention
Was ever heard
Just a whispered lesson
Learned

The one I always keep
Repeating
For the quiet one
Who’s reading
You’re not alone

I remember when she wrote
LOVE
On her arms
Hoping that someone
Anyone
Would notice it
Reason why I wrote this ****
You’re not alone

In the darkest parts of the night
I hope you can find some light
To cope with it
You’re not alone

You’re not alone
You’re not alone
You’re not alone

You’re not alone