I saw you there but when I come closer is the empty chair without you.
I remember everything about you
I saw you but those dreams it’s makes me alright.

How I wished that you will be here on my side now where I can't be lonely anymore
so that these emptiness I fill
always are fade away and replaced the real happiness in my life.

I still found you on my dreams that you are still in my heart,
I can see the distance between you and me that's why I'm still alone
that you are the only one I've been waiting for so long.

If you force me to remove you,
I keep inside my heart dying
if I see myself empty without you
You were only one for me.

Can't you see I can't find someone else to forget you if those loves has keeps me bleeding inside of me
It’s only reminds me of you.

If I find myself alone without someone else
No one makes me smile everyday and given meaning of my life

maybe it's all emptying to find something greater life than I thought with you.

I can't forget my feelings for you back then
I know you're there but I can't reach
I know you want me but you didn't come
I know I'm waiting for you but you didn't come back
I know you love me but you love someone else
I know that we will be back together again but it’s going run away

No matter how many years have passed between us
and how many times we've been hurt with shed tears
The distance between us is leaving me and you're gone

You came into my life like a wind that I can't avoid and stop.

Like a fire that I can't stop the amount of heat burning in my body and chest.

And a ray of sunshine, A hope that I can't let go and follow you.

I can't stop myself and my feelings from loving you because I want you
and I choose you to be with me forever
but It's like a storm that destroyed everything, you've been swept away from me.
You've also disappeared from me like a bubble
I didn't know you were gone.

It’s was so yesterday that we’ve been together
But it’s now years later away from you

Finally, when I opened my eyes,
when I looked back,
I was left alone,
all of us were gone.

I don’t even hear the voice again,
but nothing else is missing one
I only heard is farewell and goodbyes to an empty nest.

I was left in the ground but I was alone with myself
God left me alone
so that I could see something greater than the one who used to hurt my heart

Where is it?
Why it’s empty?
There is always emptiness.


******


"𝕎𝕒𝕝𝕒 ℕ𝕒"

Nakita kita doon
pero paglapit ko ay ang bakanteng upuan na wala ka.
Naaalala ko ang lahat tungkol sa iyo
Pero ang lahat ay naging panaginip nalang na nagpapasaya sa akin

Sana nandito ka sa tabi ko ngayon
kung saan hindi na ako mag iisa
upang ang mga kawalan na ito ay pinupunan mo

Lagi nalang nawawala at napapalitan ang tunay na kaligayahan sa buhay ko
pero ikaw hindi ko kaya

Natatagpuan pa rin kita sa aking mga pangarap na ikaw ay narito sa puso ko,

Nakikita ko parin ang distansya sa pagitan mo
Kaya nga mag-isa pa rin ako
Dahil ikaw lang ang matagal ko ng hinihintay.

Kung pipilitin mo akong alisin ka,
Kung patuloy ang paglisan ng kisap mata
Mamatay sa loob ko ang aking puso

kung mawawala ka
makikita ko ang aking sarili na walang laman
Dahil ikaw lamang ang nag iisa para sa akin

Hindi mo lang alam na hindi ako makakahanap ng iba na makakalimot sa iyo
At kung ang pag-ibig ay nanatili sa akin na nagdurugo
sa loob nito nagpapaalala sa akin tungkol sa iyo.

Kung ang aking sarili ay nag-iisa araw araw
At walang taong nagpapangiti sa akin
ikaw lang kasi ang nagbibigay kahulugan ng aking buhay,

marahil walang laman ang lahat sakin
upang makahanap ng bago sa buhay
kaysa sa ninanais ko na makasama ka.

Hindi ko makalimutan ang feelings ko sayo noon

Alam ko nanjan ka Lang pero wala ka sa tabi ko
Alam ko na gusto mo ako pero hindi ka dumating
Alam ko na hinihintay kita pero hindi ka bumalik
Alam ko na mahal mo ako pero may mahal ka na palang iba
alam ko na magkakabalikan pa tayo pero wala ng makitang pag asa at makakapitan

kahit ilang taon pa ang nagdaan sa atin
Ilang beses man nasaktan at lumuha
ang pagitan ng nakalipas ay nawawala ka na pala

Dumating ka sa buhay ko na parang hangin na hindi ko kayang iwasan at pigilin.
Parang apoy na hindi ko mapigilan ang dami ng liyab ng init sa katawan at dibdib.
At isang liwanag ng araw at pag asa na hindi ko kayang bitawan at sundan ka.

Hindi ko mapigilan ang sarili at damdamin na mahalin ka
dahil gusto kita at pinili kita na makasama habang buhay pero
Parang bagyo na nasira ang lahat tinangay ka na sakin palayo.

Parang kahapon lang kita kasama
Pero tila ang ngayon na sandali ay mga taon na wala ka sa piling ko

Nawala ka na rin sakin na parang bula hindi ko alam na wala ka na pala.
Sa huli pag dilat ko
pag lingon ko naiwan nako mag isang wala na ang lahat sa atin.

Hindi ko man lang narinig ang awit ng paglisan ngunit wala akong narinig kahit paalam ay naiwan na walang laman na pugad.

Siguro ang pagkawala na ito ay ang paghahanap ng iba.
Baka nilagay ako sa blangkong espasyong ito para maghanap ng iba
Pagpalain ng Diyos ang walang laman na lugar para sa isang bagay na mahusay.

Naiwan ako sa kawalan pero kasama ko lang ang sarili
Iniwanan ako ng Diyos mag isa para makita ko pa ang hihigit sa dati na sumusugat sa puso

Nasaan na ba?
Bakit may kawalan?
Mayroon parating walang laman.

Once a poet with magical spells,
Floating words out from my hands.

Now I stood still holding blank papers,
Words now withholding to hover.

What’s a man without his worth?
Now I'm just a poet with no words.

He is the museum, everyone dreams to see.
He is the music, which was never released.
He is the word, every poet craves to choose.
He is the museum, music and my muse.

I speak through the vast expanse of the galaxy,
Weaving polysemy into intricate syllables
That resonate with a seismic force in their arrhythmic vibratos.
These interlocking fabrics envelop the entirety of sound,
Creating a harmonious tapestry of auditory experiences.

I want to feel your heart strings
Like a plucked guitar
The electric sonic resonance
Coursing like static
Heavy as the hair erects
And falls as a collective sigh.

I’d love to hear your thoughts.
Pacing through the labyrinth,
I’m searching for the puzzle pieces,
Piecing together the images,
With joyous celebration when the dots connect and make sense.

I yearn for the razorblades you wield,
Intended to sharpen lead,
Instead of incising scars,
Drawing images that leave no trace,
In the hope that if my words are abundant,
You can find the monosemy,
And in that moment, I can save a life.

~
April 2025
HP Poet: Nishu Mathur
Age: 54
Country: India


Question 1: A warm welcome to the HP Spotlight, Nishu. Please tell us about your background?

Nishu Mathur: "I was born in Delhi, a somewhat chaotic yet majestic city with an interesting and rich historic past. Had a lovely childhood and loving parents. Simple, honest and hard working folks. My late father was with Indian Airlines (senior executive management). My mum is a retired Professor. She taught in Delhi University for 41 years. I have a younger brother who is an economist/ professor. I spent a few years in NYC as a child in the 70s. Impressionable years. My love for reading started in school in NYC. We moved back to India in 1979. Did my undergraduate and Master’s in English Literature from Delhi University, St. Stephen’s College. I used to be a voracious reader. Read a lot till I was in school. Had finished reading most classics by the time I was in 10th grade. After that, I started reading contemporary works.

My husband is a technocrat. I have two lovely, kind-hearted daughters, one is an investment manager and the other, a budding lawyer. We love dogs. We had an adorable saintly pug, Now we have two incorrigible beagles.

I have travelled a bit. I have lived in Japan and Canada for a few years and have stayed in different cities in India. I have met incredible people from all over, experienced different traditions and cultures. Learned so much.

I used to teach once upon a time. I’ve also worked as a corporate trainer. Now I work as an editor and content creator for a non profit organization."


Question 2: How long have you been writing poetry, and for how long have you been a member of Hello Poetry?

Nishu Mathur: "I wrote a bit as a child. Then for a little while around 2000. But finally, I really started writing when I took a break from work in 2011. Have been on this site for almost 9 years. I posted my first poem on Hello Poetry in 2016."


Question 3: What inspires you? (In other words, how does poetry happen for you).

Nishu Mathur: "Nature — trees, flowers, the sun, the moon. A moment in time. Something I read that I love. Memories. Something around me that I notice that leaves an impact. I used to write happy-go-lucky, cheeky poems too. Really silly stuff. I once wrote a poem on Indian moustaches. On double chins. Mosquitoes. I wrote parodies. Would love to get back to writing poetry like I used to.

I mostly write when I am at peace. For the longest time I found it hard to express sadness and grief. But I think I am getting over that."


Question 4: What does poetry mean to you?

Nishu Mathur: "Poetry is my go-to-place. A friend, a companion. It is a feeling. It is catharsis. It inspires. It is an outlet for creativity. I am very happy when I am able to write something. I feel rejuvenated. Like I can breathe.

I have learned a lot about poetry over the years. Poetry has also given me an opportunity to know myself and others better.

A poem can say so much in a few words. We can all have our own takeaways and interpretations. Words become magical and beautiful when woven together in poetry. I find that fascinating.

I am not a big talker. So I find happiness and comfort in written words. Poetry helps me to connect with people — thanks to online websites such as HP."


Question 5: Who are your favorite poets?

Nishu Mathur: "Rumi, Emily Dickinson, Vikram Seth, Maya Angelou, Ruskin Bond, Wordsworth, Yeats, Shel Silverstein, Pam Ayres. I love reading the work of fellow poets too."


Question 6: What other interests do you have?

Nishu Mathur: "Besides poetry, I enjoy music. I am trying my hand at painting. I love walking, going for long drives. I used to love travelling but haven’t been able to travel much these past few years. Love watching feel good, happy movies."


Carlo C. Gomez: “We would like to thank you Nishu, we really appreciate you giving us the opportunity to get to know the person behind the poet! It is our pleasure to include you in this Spotlight series!”

Nishu Mathur: "Thank you Carlo for Timetabling me and for your support. Grateful for the encouragement and inspiration I have received and continue to receive from this wonderful community of poets on Hello Poetry."




Thank you everyone here at HP for taking the time to read this. We hope you enjoyed coming to know Nishu a little bit better. We certainly did. It is our wish that these spotlights are helping everyone to further discover and appreciate their fellow poets. – Carlo C. Gomez

We will post Spotlight #27 in May!

~

When I wake up in the morning I suddenly remember you,
I don't know how long I have to think about you and come back to you.

I thought I was done.
I thought I had forgotten my feelings for you.
No matter where I go,
I remember you,
Because there is something hidden in my heart,
You are there in history and have been revealed in my personality

The secret of my love for you,
That has been hidden for a long time and years in my heart and I need to forget.

You are still the one I want,
You are still the one I like,
You are still the one I love.

I don't know if you love me.
Because I feel this in you.
Do you love me?
You make me feel special to you.
Every time I see you I can't explain the feeling.

Even though I want you,
even though I want to be with you and let you love me,
But I have to avoid you.
I have to stay away from you.

You are the person I want to be with and stay in my life.
But I can't turn back time to the way it was when we were just the two of us.
The days and times I was with you are over.
A long time and years have passed without you being with me.

You have someone else and are loved.
It's too late to plead and bring everything back

With the cheap thought that I need someone like you by my side.

Will all the shortcomings in my heart be filled if we had only been together then until now.

The love that should have been mine and that I should have received because of you.
Will all the wounds in my heart heal by your side.

The love that cannot be removed from my heart.
Because you are a part of my heart forever.

I am not just a childhood friend and family member,
You are the root of my heart and my blood that you are always in my heart.

Whatever my feelings and emotions were for you before, that's all.
I never wanted to be consumed by the love that you wanted to give and that I wanted to possess.

I could forget how I looked at you for the rest of my life.
This hidden in the past, I abandoned.

Even though my past heart haunts me again and again, but the love that I want to have is only there.
Nothing else.

I want you to be happy.
I'm happy that you love someone else.

I'm thirsty for love but
I don't want to be hurt and force my heart to steal a moment to be happy with you, but tomorrow I'll only be hurt because I'll still be left alone and you're no longer with me.

Yes, I should come back to you but I can't.
Please don't remind me anymore.
Everything is gone, it's different now.
Let's put all the past to rest.
Let my heart rest in love.

I know you still love me but you can't take it anymore.
I still love you but not like before.

I love you even though there's something wrong with my feelings,
even though it hurts to hurt you
but I put it in the right place
because I love you,
because you love me that's what I reciprocated.

I chose the right love, not the forbidden love.


*******


"𝔹𝕒𝕨𝕒𝕝 ℕ𝕒 ℙ𝕒𝕘𝕚𝕓𝕚𝕘"

Pag gising ko sa umaga bigla kitang naalala,
Hindi ko alam kung hanggang kailan kita kailangan isipin at balikan.

Akala ko natapos ko na.
Akala ko nakalimutan ko na ang feelings ko sayo.
Kahit saan ako mag ***** naalala kita,
Dahil may nakatago sa puso ko,
Naroroon ka sa history at nabungkal sa pagkatao
Ang lihim ng pagibig ko sayo,
Na natago ng mahabang panahon at taon sa puso ko at kailangan ko ng kalimutan.

Ikaw parin ang nais ko,
Ikaw parin ang gusto ko,
Ikaw parin ang mahal ko.

Hindi ko alam kung mahal mo ako.
Dahil nararamdaman ko sayo ito.
Mahal mo ba ako?
ipinararamdam mo saking special ako sayo.
Sa tuwing nakikita kita hindi ko maipaliwanag ang nadarama.

Kahit gusto kita,
kahit gusto kita makasama at payagang mahalin ako,
Pero kailangan kong iwasan ka.
Kailangan kong lumayo sayo.

Ikaw ang taong gusto ko makasama at manatili sa buhay ko.
Ngunit hindi ko na maibabalik ang panahon sa dati na tayo pang dalawa.
Tapos na ang mga araw at panahong nakasama kita.
Dumaan na ang mahabang panahon at taon na wala ka sa piling ko.

May roon ka ng iba at mahal.
Huli na para makisumamo at ibalik pa ang lahat

Sa murang pag iisip na kailangan ko ng isang tulad mo sa tabi ko.

Mapupunan ba lahat ng pagkukulang sa loob ng puso ko kung naging tayo nalang noon hanggang ngayon.

Ang pagmamahal na dapat na sa akin at dapat na natatanggap ko na dahil sayo.
Ang lahat ba ng sugat sa puso ko ay maghihilom sa tabi mo.

Ang pagibig na hindi maalis sa puso ko.
Dahil habang buhay kang laman sa puso ko.

Hindi lang kita kababata at kapamilya,
Ikaw ang ugat sa puso ko at dugo ko na palagi kang nasa puso ko.

Kung ano man ang nararamdaman at feelings ko sayo noon hanggang don nalang yon
Hindi ko na ninais pa na lumubos sa pag mamahal na gusto **** ibigay at gusto ko maangkin.

Kalimutan ko man ang pag tingin ko sayo habang buhay
Ito ng nakatago sa nakaraan ay tinalikuran ko.

Kahit paulit ulit man akong multuhin ng nakaraan kong puso pero ang pagmamahal na gusto kong mangyari ay hanggang doon nalang.
Wala ng iba.

gusto na kita maging masaya.
Masaya na akong may mahal ka ng iba.

Uhaw man ako sa pagmamahal pero
Ayaw ko ng masaktan at pilitin pa ang puso ko sa mga nakaw na saglit upang lumigaya kasama ka ngunit kinabukasan masasaktan lang din ako dahil maiiwan parin ako mag isa at hindi ka na kasama.

Oo dapat kitang balikan pero hindi ko na kaya.
Please huwag mo ng ipaalala sakin.
Wala na ang lahat, iba na ngayon.
Ipahinga na natin ang lahat ng nakaraan.
Ipahinga mo na ang puso ko sa pagibig.

Alam ko mahal mo parin ako pero hindi mo na din kaya pa.
Mahal parin naman kita ngunit hindi na tulad ng dati.

Mahal kita kahit may mali sa aking nadarama,
kahit masakit man na masaktan kita
ngunit nilagay ko na yon sa tamang lugar
dahil mahal kita,
dahil mahal mo ako yon ang iginanti ko sayo.

Tamang pagmamahal ang pinili ko hindi ang bawal na pag ibig.