What is left to say,
at the end of the day?
Loneliness left to spare,
or words that contaminate air?

Why am I always caught chasing clouds?
Caught off guard not holding ground,
weakness the center of attention shall oppose.

I stay away,
since my apologies I often pay.
I never understood your intentions,
through your walls I can't see clear.

I never will say a word,
for my mind is always blurred.
And although my speech always slurred,
you were also quite absurd.

Abuse isn't always easy to accept.
Especially if it's not to expect.
Whether verbal or physical,
the bond is atypical.

Temperatures rise, clothes fly, bodies sweat.
Telling each other lies to comfort our heads.
Kissing down her body till she’s soaking wet.
Slamming her arms down on my bed.

Sliding my tongue deep inside.
Holding her thighs wide.
Till her body is tremendously satisfied.
And my mouth fills up like the rising tide.

Pulling her on top of me to take the ride of her life.
Feeling every inch extend and retract.
Pleasure so great you feel like it’s the afterlife.
Our bodies start to attract the contact.

We are just objects of lust.
Just because that’s true doesn’t mean we must, distrust.

After being abused, some people will turn to the *****.
Whether if its mental abuse, or physical abuse.
Ends up being overused,
everyone around you strongly disapproves.
But, what can you do when you can't find any way to get rid of the pain and memories that left you bruised?
It gives you so much fear but all you do is like to ignore,
leaving your thoughts and feelings destroying you to your core.
The atmosphere seems so unfair, hallucinations of being in thick air, eventually having you feeling suffocated and wanting to disappear.

I lay in bed in extreme physical pain..

The doc walks in and asks..

What's your pain level today, on a scale of 1 - 10?

My response..

15

Never have I felt physical pain this painful before
But when I lay in bed with a lot of time to think
My thoughts begin to consume my mind
This physical pain is nothing compared to the emotional pain I have felt this past year and still continue to feel..

One thing I'm certain of is..

I choose Physical over Emotional any day!

So I thought I was depressed again.
Which is like,
Totally confusing because I was depressed last week and I shouldn't be due for another 'episode' for at least three days

Turns out I'm not depressed
Just severely ill
But its funny how I mix up all the symptoms now
Like being tired all the time
Or the headaches
Or the lack of appetite

So this was really confusing to me,
Cause I'm a girl who likes to eat,
When I'm healthy,

And mom kept asking me if I was okay,
Over and over
And I kept saying yes, I'm fine..
Just the usual.
Mom says I'm a little more pale then usual
A little more tired looking
And I say "wow thanks mom, like I totally care about appearances right now" and I laugh

And she doesn't

I only realized I was sick when a doctor told me I was,
Which is completely different from being depressed because the same doctor tried to tell me I wasn't

Sooooo confusing

So I'm actually sick physically for once?
Not just mentally.
Ha,
Isn't that funny.