Life goes by in a flash,
In an instant plans are memories,
Photographs the only residue
Of past normalities,
And then the realization
You’ve been going on along the whole time,
Without ever seeing it.

My life is a whirlwind of passing daydreams
and photographs,
those I've loved and lost
and what I've gained from screaming from the tops of buildings
after no one salutes to these ideas
that I've run up the flagpole outside.

The roses had wilt
The bridges we built
Shattered with blood and tears
Of antagonism and of our fears

Yet at midnight I caught myself
Half-awake collecting the ashes
Driven away by melancholy,
Shadows of your light abruptly vanishes

You, you are still on my memory
Vivid and colorful, I discern the hue
Of the all the photographs we never took
And the empty frames hanging by a hook

Let's take a trip down memory lane,*
Where the people were everything but sane
I open the unmarked cardboard box
Full of torn photographs
Torn, because my mother
Refused to remember
The memories
Of my "father"
Who, full of rage
Broke out of his cage
And rampaged around
The quaint house
Of my past
Until one day
He disappeared
For good

Another photograph
Was left untouched
And full of dust
And underneath that thick layer
Mom and Dad were smiling
And then I thought
What happened?

But then
I thought
What if they weren't really happy? What if it were all one big lie?*
And that's when I knew
That I never
Ever
Wanted to take a trip down memory lane
Again
Because
It was too painful
To contemplate
And analyze
Why
And
How
Things turned out
The way they did

They say if you want to know
what someone is afraid of losing,
pay attention to what they photograph.
Maybe that's why I take so many pictures
of you and I together.

I threw our old pictures away today,
     and cried as I did it.
I had held on for a bit,
     not knowing exactly how to
     proceed.
I knew I didn't really want to keep them,
     but our end wasn't drastic enough
     for a burning.
But today, today I finally threw them away.
And I have no clue why,
     but it's tearing me up inside.
And I have another confession while I'm at it.
The other day, when I came by
     to pick up the last of my stuff?
You were teary-eyed and I tried my hardest
     to remain hard-hearted,
     and we talked it out a little.
You said you miss me still
     and I felt like a *******
     because I replied only, "I'm sorry."
I didn't want to tell you I miss you too,
     didn't want to lie to you.
But then, as I was leaving,
     you shut the door behind me,
     and I remembered I wanted
     to remind you
     about taking me off the lease.
I turned and opened the door,
     and I saw you finally releasing
     what you had been struggling
     to hold back in my presence.
You were walking towards your room,
     sobbing.
And I witnessed that moment
     when it wasn't meant for me.
The sound of your cries
     and the shaking of your shoulders
     has haunted me since,
     an unwanted movie stuck on repeat.
And I walked away.
And I threw our old pictures out today.
And maybe I actually was meant to see
     that moment of unbridled agony,
     so that I too could feel some of your misery.
Because you loved me,
Still love me,
and I destroyed you.

I fished a box from the bottom of my closet
The box I have used and reused
(For quite some time)
(For the same enough reasons)
For I have nothing more left

I placed three of your shirts
(Same scent since you last wore it)
(Same scent since I last used it)
Two of which I have altered for my figure
One which reminds me of your sweat, your body, your fervor

As much as it pains me,
I need to give up the ones that lingered the most too.
A book for every special occasion
A novel for every month, for every day
I wanted to keep the memories (but not you)

I stacked Percy Jackson, Amy and Roger.
I piled Riggs, Clare and Seth Baumgartner.
I sealed the words that once got me through
(The days without you)
I’m giving them all back, so you’d know how it feels too.

I peeled our smiles, the kisses and hugs, the happy days
(Which we used to have)
I removed our photos from my collage
I deleted you from my camera
And I’m returning (our love) the products of your films to you.

I kept one. One photograph to remind me
Of how much I have loved and lost.
I kept one. To forever have this memory
Of how much love we had.
I kept one. (To remind me never to come back)

I untangled the bracelet, the necklace and the ring.
I have spent my minutes treasuring them.
But my time spent is enough.
Now, this will be yours to have.
To remind you (too) to never come back.