i laugh lion's heart
loping street by every stride
claw clattering cobblestone conviction
chest puffed out and head held high

climbing fences and
kissing dark breakers

all that, because i am afraid

so afraid so very afraid so very very afraid and of what, you may ask and i will say everything, EVERYTHING! in a roar akin to a king

but between colorful plumes i am
small, so very small
and so very afraid

1.  Learn forgiveness.  Then withhold it from everyone.
2. Avoid making enemies. Leave it to your friends to find you insufferable.
3. There is good in everyone. The trick is not to let it out.
4. Expect the worst. You’ll be right.
5. Never hurt anyone’s feelings.  Unintentionally.
6. Command an audience.  Then who cares if you loathe mankind?
7. Self-sacrifice ennobles the spirit.  But someone still has to clean up the blood.
8. Don’t dance.  Then no one will watch.
9. Don’t envy others’ success.  Intervene more forcefully to prevent it.
10. Life is short, but otherwise lousy.

girlworm, you grab a wrist like you've known modesty in the shyness of a bare feeling gripped tight on the one offering it
tightrope fingers falling into the spaces of unspoken territory, slipping into familiar qualms like the worn lipsticks that fits the grooves of my lips like an object of my affection
knowing the contour of what i'm never aware of
anxieties creep like an overgrown lawn
these fears personifying into antsy women invading my kitchen telling me that there's not enough ventilation and the stove is on leaking gas into the baby lungs of a young smoker
and when i begin to argue they give both a look of sympathy and disgust as they say "oh child you drown so easily"
so i sit chewing my nails as i count the birds outside flying back and forth from their post as if they can't remember where they're going towards or if there's something that could possibly pull them elsewhere
my mind swirls in the smoothie of a plastic cup that sticks to the coffee table, the rings of different bottles painting circles for me to memorize again
my paradise sits with the roughness of his knuckles and the ambiguity of eyes that could know everything and i would set fire to the stars inside because of the jealousy that grows from pretty things being smoldered under skin
when i begin to lose my person, pale and shivering i go towards it
empty stomached and ready to be buried in the clothes of her
that i can imagine becoming the consistency of yogurt in my lap
kissing back my tremors as i lift up her hair from curious shoulders
dry-heaving the importance of the cheeks that feel warmer as they settle on hands that are brought together as if in deep prayer and i know i will collect myself again one day
girlworm, you're a swarm in my chest and i am me

Give me brushes and
something colorful
not tested on
a thing
with a heartbeat
and watch me go!
I love me.
I know how
I like      to look.
Think that this
face is
for you?
Think again.
Think that      This Face
is for you      and your. . .
Think again.
Think again.

I did everything right
said the right lines

1.2 million in diamonds and I didn’t bat an eye
I hide them under my pride
Worth more than his ego
But I swallow
because he is more than the man he is

He buys me porcelain plates everyday
to show he can
I know he can
But I don’t tell him because he gets offended

Every night I smash them to sweep them up
I’m getting better at the smashing
My hands familiar with the motions
Mapping out each broken shard before my face shatters
I don’t miss any fragments

I stepped on one once
Sharp blade on soft skin
Ruby on opal
Maybe I’m not made of ice

They say there is method in madness
But what if the method makes me mad
The slip of sanity must be planned
An hour before the charity ball
2 after the guests leave
30 minutes after dinner
5 when he comes home
A lullaby of broken promises ringing in my ear  
An indulgence

He said there was another woman
He said I wouldn’t care that he was leaving
He said I could afford my own diamonds and more ******* plates anyways

But that’s not the point
The point is to suffocate in silence
To let him buy what I can afford
To swallow what he can’t

But who is the trophy
When you carve me I spill out jewels

Why do you need so badly for someone to love you?
What is it you search for in every empty room?

For someone to notice the shell that you found,
To dig a bit deeper and feel all around,
Until he stumbles over himself and falls,
And you dodge his body and walk along?
I'm not even saying to you that it's wrong,
we are creatures underneath after all.

But the shell is just a lure I'm sure,
and it looks nothing like the one you bore before.
I've yet to see one that has changed more than yours.

there are so many who don't even have to try
born to be social butterflies
they've got friday night hearts
and party light eyes
crafted from pure sunshine
their words are glitter laced
and their smiles warm and inviting
born with swift tongues
and dancing feet

then there are those
born to the world of nature and art
they've got sunday morning hearts
and stars in their eyes
crafted from pure moonlight
their words laced with daisies and moonflowers
crooked smiles and rosy cheeks
born with clumsy tongues
and two left feet

- so, which are you? a soul crafted by the sun or the moon?