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Robert Ippaso May 2020
Can't stand the man
Despise his sight
I hate him so
With all my might.

In all my years
Can't recall a time
I had to deal
With such vile slime.

A puffed up despot
A vain buffoon
His very sight
Spells doom and gloom.

My only solace
My one salvation
Ice cream for dinner
Enough to face the nation.

The sugar rush
That silken taste
Tempers my moods
If not my waist.

What do I care
Why should I cease
When I’ve revealed
Trump is morbidly obese.

I told the world
Made it quite clear
His health in mind
And not a smear.

The truth quite harsh
Sometimes it hurts
He needs cut down
McDonalds and desserts.

But not long now
Elections close
Watching with glee
Trump thrashing in death throws.

Joe's on the cusp
If only he knew
But with creeping dementia
He hasn't a clue.

So my plan's now enacted
All scheming and guile
To get rid of both
And rule with a smile.

I've earned it for sure
Endured with such class
Folks never guessed
I was such pure bad-***.
Elizabeth May 2020
Dust to dust,
the wheel does stop, oh
the wheel does stop!
—eyes rattling the sky.

Trotting along the outlines,
a duel of stirring clouds,
falsifying sheaves of nostalgia,
rebuking its dreary demeanor.

A comedy of the flesh
procured us to falter.

Dust to dust,
growling in between frolics,
inflicting a strange quiver,
death, ruthless as any lover!.

Love me when I awake,
I pledge to duplicate,
sprawling about unclothed,
ceasing our funereal prose.

A ceremony of the flesh,
procured us to transfigure.

Dust to dust,
the wheel does stop, oh
the wheel does stop!,
—your eyes rattling my sky.

Irritating the stars,
incinerating Sirius,
remorseless to its demise,
heart’s hitherto delirious.

Setting the flesh aflame,
procured an eternal inferno.

Dust to dust,
lying under your eyes,
heed to my hearts desire,
love me when you awake, my fire. . .
Remi May 2020
Out of the day that smothers me,
    Thick as a wall from brick to brick,
I curse whatever person may be
    For creating a math textbook this thick.

In the fell clutch of math circumstance
    I have both winced and cried aloud.
Under the bludgeonings of chance
    My brain has gone ******, and has bowed.

Beyond this place of pain and tears
    Looms but the freedom of the shade,
And yet the menace of the math entering my ears
    Finds and shall find me afraid.

It matters not the angle of the gate,
    How charged with questions the scroll,
I am not the master of my fate,
    Math is the captain of my soul.
A parody of William Ernest Henley's INVICTUS.
I just had to turn this inspirational poem into a representation of the lives students around the world, working on math textbooks as thick as brick walls and getting bludgeoned by questions about chance XD
Remi May 2020
Curry rice curry rice, burning bright,
In the microwave at the middle of the night;
What immortal bud or tongue,
Could frame thy fearful spice that stung?

In what distant flavor that sprung.
Burnt the fire in thy tongue?
On what buds dare it aspire?
Why my tongue, dare cease the fire?
Just another of my "famous poetry" parodies (parody of "The Tyger" written by William Blake)
Hope it puts a smile on your face :D
Randy Johnson May 2020
When my friend and I finally got chicks, they decided to leave us.
My friend's name is ****-Head and my name is Beavis.
I thought that I was pregnant even though I'm a boy.
Because ****-head and I are stupid, people get annoyed.

I become the Great Cornholio when I eat too much sugar.
I'm actually a mental case who eats his own boogers.
When ****-Head and I meet chicks, we're sure to sexually harass.
And if you have a teenage daughter, you'll end up kicking my ***.

If you meet us face to face, we're sure to cause great anxiety.
We are both juvenile delinquents who are threats to society.
Don't come near us or you'll get so mad that you'll cuss.
You will be happy and better off if you stay away from us.
INSPIRED BY THE HIT CARTOON THAT WAS CREATED BY MIKE JUDGE.
Robert Ippaso May 2020
What did I do, what Karma is this
Where is the power, the glory, the bliss,
I didn't sign up for this constant pain,
I'm losing my mojo, going insane.

I gave up a bunch, my whole pampered life,
The glittering lights, a model for wife,
A media in love, fans all around,
Success beyond words to truly astound.

The Don was the man, the king of the heap,
The world's superstars in my presence would steep,
Invites and connections too many to count,
Politicians included my patronage tantamount.

My wealth and prestige more radiant than gold,
Everyone buying whatever I sold,
From Casinos to Pageants, Hotels by the score,
Anything Trump they just wanted more.

And now what is this my world full of grind,
My presence and words despised and maligned,
Melania so mad I tiptoe at night,
To then sleep alone, a truly sad sight.

But what my recourse, I've little to say
What I would do, what would I pay
To rewind the clock, swallow my pride,
Stick to my golf and from politics hide.

Too late for all that, I'm in to my neck
Just hoping and praying to avert a train wreck,
History's blunt it favors the winners,
No pity or quarter for ambitious beginners.

So here's the game plan, my only real shot
To well clear my name and wipe out this blot,
Another four years that's what I so need
For me to yet prove that I truly can lead.

And lead I sure will despite that grim bunch,
I'll use my fine guile peppered with hunch
To ram home the point beyond any doubt,
That I am the one with God-given clout.
Everybody's learning how to wash their hands now,
C'mon baby do the Covid Motion
It's about as easy as a certain dance now
C'mon baby, do the Covid Motion
My little baby sister can do it with ease
It's easier than learning your A B C's
So c'mon,  c'mon, do the Covid Motion with me

(chorus)

You scrub your finger tips, c'mon baby
Now front, now back
Well now I think you got the knack...whoa whoa

Remember when you do it, leave some space now
C'mon baby do the Covid Motion
And you must make certain you don't touch your face now
C'mon baby do the Covid Motion
Wash for twenty seconds babe, that's all you'll need
Some soap, and water and I know you'll succeed
So come on, come on, do the Covid Motion with me


(Interlude)

Yeah yeah yeah, do the Covid Motion
C'mon baby do the Covid Motion
When you wash your hands, it's the Covid Motion
Standing still and dancing like the locomotion
It's the way to do it, just listen to me
Do the Covid Motion now 1-2-3
So c'mon , c'mon and do the Covid Motion with me

chorus

C'mon baby do the Covid Motion
C'mon baby do the Covid Motion
C'mon baby do the Covid Motion
C'mon baby do the Locomotion

fade out
sung to The Locomotion by Carole King
Casey Apr 2020
Expected to know what to write.
Expected to fill these pages with wonderous words.
Expected to be good at that.
Expected to be a natural.
Expected to be the best.
Expected to be successful.
Expected to be more.
Expected to do more.
Expected to know what to say and exactly when to say it.
Expected to be kind, always.
Expected to be "normal".
Expected to grow up mentally past my years.
Expected to make a lot of money.
Expected to know what I want
Expected to know what I don't want.
Expected to get over it.
Expected to change more.
Expected to never change.
Expected to not be destructive.
Expected to always be happy.
Expected to make other people happy and keep them that way.
Expected to live.
Expected to recover.
Expected to want to recover.
Expected to live.
I've said that.
Prompt was to write a parody of the poem "Fear" by Raymond Carver.
Casey Apr 2020
There,
chilled in the KwikTrip fridge,
a holy grail
from the beverage
aisle.

The cause of the lightness of my wallet
that waits
behind the glass.

Staring back at me.
Our prompt was to write a parody of Pablo Neruda's "Ode to a Large Tuna in the Market"
Robert Ippaso Apr 2020
I get it
I finally get it
It took a while
But now I'm showing my style.

To every home
With somber tone
My daily briefings
Broadcast my teachings;

I tell them all
To heed my call
So all may strive
To stay alive.

My change of tack
A stroke of luck
And just in time
The polls to climb;

For every day
I get my say
The ratings spike
With me on Mike.

Now the prime task
A real big ask
To find that cure
Something sure.

This virus sticks
All experts kicks
But as to me
Just watch and see.

I have a plan
Beat this I can
Wait for fine weather
To Covid tether.

Once that is done
They'll hail the man
Making things right
With wisdom and might;

Never a pause
Fighting the cause
Winning's my creed
I've proved that indeed.

Then all the vile doubters
The downers and shouters
Will finally see
Their champion is Me.
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