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Seranaea Jones Oct 2020
-

it was, for her~

a question, a dare to venture into a
place that few would ever visit
more than once in a lifetime

walled with earth, rock, twists and
turns, shadows that move—
bones that lay still

a smart phone was recovered there,
the woman who left it is somewhere
deep in the lower chambers

it recorded her unapproved descent into
miles of dark passages which multiply,
divide, intersect— mystify

images steady at first, a wonderment
of sheer expansiveness, these arteries
go on forever and ever !

"i need to tell someone !"—
                                               "ohh, no
                                                 signal...
"

a "sotto voce" begins questioning confusion
as her disorientation becomes a
measure of breath

curiosity now relinquishes to a desperation
of sharp huffs as the camera aims about
in quick jolts, straining to see the
next hopeful opening—

the light stops
working.

minutes later she realizes her affiliation
with the underground brethren has
been met with tacit approval.

her phone is eventually abandoned with
all remaining composure, as a new

and permanent member commences
a delirious marathon down
the corridors of
                             home



the recording lasted awhile before
her drowning cries dissolved into
resolution of a sealed fate—

underneath and silent,
amongst thousands

                            of opened mouths...




s jones
© 2020


.
that urban legend (or maybe not) of a camera
found deep in a catacomb somewhere in Paris—

"Seranaea—nized" for your hopeful enjoyment...

(remembering Sasha Rey...)
Serena Sep 2020
Faster, faster,
everyone’s already done.
Quicker, quicker,
seems you’re the only one.
Think, think,
I don’t know what that makes.
Write, write,
This was a huge mistake.
Piper Calvey Sep 2020
I always tried to explain.
"I'm sick"
"I'm sorry"
"I'm trying"

But she doesn't know. How would she? She knows boybands and finger hearts and working just hard enough.

That's not her fault (its really not) but it's easier to be angry, indignant than whatever I really am.

Her words and hate and the ever-present ether wrap around me and I can't tear them off so I go for the shirt (this is what my mother would later use as my benchmark for crazy) and the sound of tiny threads coming through tiny loops lasts a joyous second and I can breath and I am gone.

I am back and I remember that the words and hate and doom are still there and now with them is a symbol of just how wrong my self is.

I sit motionless but I'm running.

I kept the carcass for months. In a corner out of sight, to be seen but only by the trained eye.
Some days it was scolding but some days it was proof, a purple heart, a trophy of battles lost.

Some days I miss it. In my mind it's hanging from the rafters (not in the dead way).  It's the retired jersey of an athlete who in the end wasn't very good but oh she tried to be.
LAICEY Aug 2017
My mind is this raging hurricane and
you can't calm a storm down lest it wants to be stopped
but mine never seem to want to stop.
Every gush of wind pushes me over
to the edge and forces me to look down
into a never ending medium
where nothing exists.

I'm sorry I'm not lazy, in fact
if you tore apart this facade and
looked inside this skin,
you will find a girl searching
tirelessly for her self worth
and for happiness for
she wants to prevail, she
wants to be loved and she
wants to never stop believing.

But my hands and feet don't stop
adding earthquakes to my storm torn
body. My brain races faster than my
mouth can speak so I'm sorry
if you can't understand what I -

No, it's not that I don't want to see you,
it's just that my heart is running a marathon
and I'm already worn out thinking
about the way I'm going to say "hi",
the way I'm just waiting for the ground
to swallow me whole just to be saved.
© 2017 August LAICEY Poems
LAICEY Jul 2020
I’d like to believe in fairytales.

But where’s the one where the princess
hurls her body over the toilet
in order to rid the knot that’s in her stomach.

The one where she argues with the voice in her head,
then disappears for weeks on end,
having to lie to her friends
“I’m fine.”

The one where she finds her “person” charming
time again and again and again
in several different bodies.

And time again and again and again,
they leave her disappointed and wondering
if her happily ever after resides in the strangers
who take up her bed in the morning.
Charming.

But this happy ending doesn’t end with a prince charming,
a broken curse or a “happily ever after”.
This one does not even have “The End” in joint italics in the credits.

This will be a happy ending
with the battle with herself as the final chapter,
neither winning or losing, but drawing.
and her credits will roll in joint italics “The Beginning”.

I’d like to believe in that fairytale.
© LAICEY Poems July 2020
Liz Sep 2020
How do I know if I'm me?
How do I know if I'm lying to myself?
How do I know if I'm not someone else?

What parts of me are real?
Learned?
Mimicked?
Faked?
Lies?

Who is this soul inside me?
How come I barely know her?
What does she feel?
What is she pressured to think?

Is she brave?
Confident?
Friendly?
Generous?
Afraid?

What does she believe?
What are her dreams?
Does she love the life she lives?
Or is she just getting by?

How do I know if she's me?
Or just a passerby?
Why am I so sad all the time? Am I lost? Am I the result of my past? Am I my fears? If I'm always changing, am I even myself? Am I behind of where I should be? Am I a disappointment? Am I alive?
Roro Aug 2020
I'm breaking and can feel my cracks
Expanding and loudening with every snap
Emotional turmoil and feeling delusional
Will I be jumping off the plank soon?
Will I be tempted to pick up metal again?
Will I try to escape from all the pain
With that chilling bright pink and red?
I can't go back down there again
Down the endless pit my mind constructs
Every now and again to put me in my place
I've been so happy, been feeling so full
I've had him for support until he leaves
Then I become an inanimate vessel
For a breaking, shattering mind
My body feels tender and pathetic
I had so many plans for productivity
Excitement for senior year,
Getting my **** together, finally
Tossing and turning
Anxieties are rushing
Shooting pains so numbing
Woke up to find splotches of bloodstains
A whole *** massacre on my bed


It was my ******* period.
No wonder I'm so constipated
I'm actually still waiting for it to come lol... any day now.
Unpolished Ink Aug 2020
Panic grows like smoke
Obscuring your clear vision
Blind panic is fact
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