I stare at this form,
This cursed effeminate object.
I trace my fingers over soft skin,
Halting at the bumps on it.
The fingers gouge them out,
Mindlessly ripping the imperfections away.
I graze it again,
Only to extract more skin.
Pieces of flesh under my nails,
Small blood drops form in place of the bump.
I see my form beneath the shed layers.
My angelic, ****** form
Finally breathes the air of this world.
I pull more and more,
Once mere crumbs of flesh become chunks.
Slowly freeing my holiness
From the cage of flesh around me.
The blood runs down my face,
Now tattered and gone.
I stare at myself.

The stains won't leave me,
Cracked paint against the drywall
Of my childhood bedroom.
The ****** t-shirt,
Dyed a brown-red to hide the stains.
Spilled paint from a failed project
On the knee of my jeans,
Covered with a pretty floral patch.
They like how it looks,
The new color I had to choose,
Only one that would cover the failures.
It's so pretty and unique,
So nice to look at isn't it?
I add patches that others like.
I'm not so sure that I like them.
At least not as much as they do,
The ones who gave me the stains.

We are smiling aren't we?We are happy,look at us!
We are walking with so much gait and grace,we certainly love our lives don't you see?
But.... you don't know what happens inside our smiles.Smiling is a strenuous exercise for me,and laughing is an act.
Yet,.....there you are.... you would **** to be me.You say you would do anything.
Oh! Poor naive you, you don't know what it's like to be me,do you? You don't know how it feels to have to pretend all your life ,and all for what,.... being born into nobility?Being married into riches,.. being related to power and influence?
My feet are exhausted from walking this life,they are swollen because I always have to step on thorns and still keep a straight face,.....to smile.You don't want that.
I am a ticking time bomb,am on edge and I feel like ..no, I know,I will snap and be gone.I am eagerly waiting for that day,weird huh? You expect me to be proud and grateful don't you? You expect me to live life to the fullest yet all I feel is emptiness,a hollow haunting echo inside of me.
Oh! I forgot,... you don't know anything, that's why am still your idle......let me just laugh to myself, for I don't think you can ever understand.

I would give up
The world, my life
My soul, my heart
Give everything up for you
But the only thing
You will give up on
Is me

I want to say "Morning" to you every day,
When I wake up sweetly at first light,
To drink coffee with you under lilac
On the open terrace, laughing on sight.

I want to plunge into my thought darkness
And get only major of them therefrom.
They mantle my day, and it'll be cleaner.
And happiness will be my master for all.

I want to throw out all foul thoughts
About my fierce fortune in whole.
I want to revive, to cheer up, to uncover
And get off meek beggings forever at all.

I want to stop making the Deity from pain.
But I've got nothing work out at full.
And I continue to kowtow to my pain,
Begging for save as the latest fool.