When you left, you had your reasons,
I whispered, “I understand.”
But deep down, I don’t.
My fault, my regret,
I’m still caught in the why,
Lost in overthinking.

I loved you
More than I loved myself,
Sacrificed all I had,
Thinking, “I’ll be fine.”
But now, I ache for your arms,
And all I feel is cold and blue.

Your smile,
I crave it so much,
Staring at your photos,
Counting the countless times
I’ve tried to remember
How it felt.
Where are you now?
Will you ever return?

I wait—patient,
Though I have little to cling to,
No promises, no guarantees.
I’m still tangled in your spell,
Blinded by the echoes of your words.

They say I’m foolish,
For believing in your promises,
But I’m in love with the illusion you gave me.
Please don’t wake me up,
Not until I uncover
The truth that you’ve already left me behind.

God once gave sinners grace,
So who am I to hold back?
How many chances should I give?
I’m already lost,
Insanely in love with a fool.

How to explain
How to find the words to bring the inner confusion and unspoken thoughts out
There’s a place I can do it
A place I can speak the unspeakable
Don’t panic, noisy head, confused heart, little girl, strong woman
Don’t worry, try to trust, try to keep the beauty in your heart
You don’t have to understand it all, or any of it
Be gentle, try and be gentle
Give into being listened to, ask the little girl questions
She wants to be heard, she wants to be understood, she wants to be encouraged
To be found beautiful, to feel special and to feel loved
Jealous thoughts and feelings hurt, they hurt
Accept them, feel them, allow them to pass
Say f*ck it and don’t worry.
Fear of ending up with the wrong person...
I want health in my life, I want comfort, I want a home
I want connection
I want to be confident, I want to be compassionate, I want to be kind
I want to be honest, I want to do what I say I will
I want to have integrity, I want to be peaceful within myself
I want to recycle
I want to be engaged in the world
To accept myself and feel enough
To be grown up enough, and to have enough self-respect to behave well
To think positive thoughts about myself and others
To have a family
To belong.

I want to
carve
every single word
that rings through my head
down the softest parts of my skin,
so I can remember the painful silence
that first caused these words
to not only ring through my head
but course through my veins
the words that make me who I am
deserve to be displayed
to be read
and to be understood

If I were insane,
how would I know?

I can't get this thought out of my head that maybe I am,
or maybe I'm not.

What if I am?
But what if I'm not?

If I were insane,
would I be able to tell?
And if I am,
what then?

What if, and what if not?...

...These thoughts are literally driving me insane.

in the corner of your
mind
waiting for morsels
of memory on which to
munch.

The monster likes
the happy thoughts —
the ones that bring
bubbles to your belly
and an upward crinkle
to your lovely lips —
He gobbles them up,
chews the goodness right
from their marrow,
breaking their fragile
skeletons,
twisting them into
terrible creatures
who
scuttle
and
whimper
and
whisper.

They live
in the shadows now —
the memories that
once brought you joy —
rent and broken
by the jaws of the
Monster in your mind.

i use social media as an outlet for my emotions
the only problem is that
most of my mixed feelings develop because
of subtweets and
photos of girls who are not me
isnt it funny?
how the apps on our phones are
both the sickness and the cure
no
you will not go to heaven,
you will eternally reside in
your saved drafts on twitter
i dare you to post your most embarrassing
mine?
"do you ever look at the man you used to love
and wonder why on earth he doesnt cut his hair
and why he started wearing bermuda jorts"
its more embarrassing for him
my love life is now at my finger tips
do you know how many guys want to love
the girl they met on tinder who
hides behind her poetry
and uses harry potter as an escape mechanism?
none
i dared one to text me at midnght
between mispelled words and shots
he completed the phrase
i love .... euphamisms
like when your former self dies you call it
growing up instead of suicide
not my type
i cant stand when people cough in class
it reminds me of choking on
words
my words - the ones i say when i'm not supposed to
or the ones i should've said but never did
all of my pictures are captioned with
phrases and song lyrics that
i read in your voice
i wish that record wasn't broken
i wish i was a wizard
truly i do
with spells like
impedimenta (to slow down your attackers)
i wonder if it would slow down the voices in my head
i wonder if it could slow down you leaving
or my breathing (or lack thereof)
this wasn't meant to be emotional,
but with the world like this
how could you NOT cry
ive spent more nights in the bar bathroom
than i have in my own bed
its true how they say big events are
the most intimate
madi hahn - party of 1
or party of 761
if you count the followers who favorite my
tweets about dying
no one relates to happy poetry
why?
because no one is happy
because. no. one. is. happy.
its a facade - a mask, we hide behind
but then the clock strikes midnight
we're back daring stupid guys
to tell us **** about ourselves that we already know
we burn holes into screens trying to be relatable
we lose the best versions of ourselves
and
we are fine with it as long as
we recieve our fair share of attention

we deserve it

My jealousy is not a thing of beauty.
I don't wear my envy
daintily on my sleeves,
I scribble it on my hands and face with a
cheap green crayon.

Looking at you feels like my heart
is microwaving aluminum foil on high.
Not because I'm jealous of what you have but because
I'm jealous of what we could've been together,
had circumstances been different.
If one day you had sat here
instead of there and maybe we would've been friends and
what if
     what if
          what if—

I'm jealous because apparently
there are people in the world who don't spend every minute
overthinking
who don't feel the need to
analyze every little detail and wouldn't it be nice to breathe,
to breathe and not
     think.