And I cried oceans
And I stood in your emotions
I think halfway through
I lost the notion;

Of what love is
As I felt the breeze
Of cold air and tulips
I paced through your mist.

And you're so empty
Don't love me gently
Leave me behind
Assume I'm blind.

Perfect doesn't exist,
I clenched my fist.
Prayed for God's call,
I know if I fall,
I gave it my all.

They say grief comes in waves
varying in size and intensity;
some start small, moving silently,
might seem harmless but engulf
me within no time and I
was never taught how to swim.

Thrashing and flailing in the water
I find it difficult to breathe.
The seas of sadness pull me far
into their abyss where there is no
light or hope to get out of the misery;
sometimes even that feels enticing and comforting.

On other days these waves come
roaring loud in the ears, threatening
to steal my ground away from me, often
I brave to surf over them with the
help of distractions and they
recede, scheming to gulp me down later.

Wonder how I end up on these shores every time
while on a train or on my bed, in a
classroom or in a conference hall, amongst
the crowded streets and when alone,
memories of yesterday strewn like sea shells
lead me to the waters and I can always hear their elegies.

And when the moon shines its brightest
on them, you get to see the scene of tranquillity
but deep inside my heart there is
a storm brewing slowly that takes
various names every season, maybe there is
one named after you too, who knows.

Do you want to come with me down
to the ocean of tears? We could let
those waves kiss our feet while we watch
the sunset together, I will tell you
all my stories and you could share yours too.
I hope you know how to swim.

I never saw the scarp begin,
Nor the haunted planes of gold;
Forlorn, I watched the waves move in—
How their snow-laden peaks enfold!
And without the call of tri-formed reefs—
Echoing: mosaic-to-mosaic shore—
I would not have seen the heart therein,
Nor the light henceforth bestowed.

I rarely cry
really, almost never
I can count on one hand
the last five
traumatic
years

it takes significant stimulus
inputs
third party perspectives and

alcohol


but eventually


it happens

like a dream
sweet, sweet relief
waterfalls of relief

it’s just
then

I can’t

stop

To sit with myself and the mayhem that lies within,
listening to the inner voice that was silenced by ridicule and speculation,
to understand the longing hidden in the whispers of my mind's scape,
I choose peace,
for the stagnant waters that once frighten me welcome my decision wholeheartedly,
I am not afraid anymore,
drawing boundaries and barriers to my spirit,
dimming my outer appeal and channeling my intuition inward,
I choose peace.

Fireflies float in lightless rooms,
Spelling out words with fluid constellations
And my heart still tender from afternoon
Drugged up and fussed with the want of rain
Interprets these flecks of dancing
as love letters to pain

I think of dreaming and I think of you
Somewhere basking in summer rain
While I fall for foolish stories
written on the windows of a midnight train
These conversations that go nowhere
heavily soaked in honey stick to my tongue

These whisperings float in pools of ink
Like the daunting midnight sea,
But i'm too far gone into this dream state
Yet ready to drown, before I can hesitate,
In this ocean that you call home

i dream of oceans and half moons;
lips against my ear, whispering empty promises;
hidden power dripping between the scars;
forever tattooed on my body;

in the end, i sigh as i finally, finally fully bloom;
no longer a mystery.

Kiss me
Touch me
Love me
*******
Into your view

Swimming
Floating
Gasping
Crying
Delicious scarlet hues

Lets make promises
we won't keep
Smothered together
tangled in sheets

Paint upon my body
a canvas
decorated with tears

Fiery Red
Chilling Blue

A piece of me
silence from you