i never learn how to say the truth to my friends, unless they're good things
i'm not big on sugarcoating, but neither on being brutally and truthfully honest
most especially to you

i can never describe the fear and the anxiety of disappointing you
of just spitting the words i really wanted to say but always always too afraid or stricken to speak because you might just not get it and i might just end up hurting you instead of simply laying down my opinions

opinions
i have tons of them inside my head and they just stay there, waiting to be used on the day i'll finally find the courage to say that you're too much and the pain is sometimes unbearable and can you please stop or just pause because
because my heart is too heavy from all your accusations
my lungs too tight from this choked up feeling, for always letting you win without batting an eyelash and just opening your lips to let your own harsh words out

my soul, dear friend, is bruised too much
i can hardly recognized it because of the many stitches i sew on it every night so that it'll look like it's ready yet again for another war with you

you see
my mind is not that strong to block all your scary glares and your always present annoyed voice everytime i attempt to say what i want you to hear
i can't seem to dodge your blows as i try to turn my back on you because that will only give you more reason to think that here i am again, leaving you after all the time you picked me up and stayed with me

how can you not see that i am so. ****. tired.
of putting up with your *****
of your careless throwing of disguised-as-honest-but-really-are-just-hurtful words?
how?

this is the reason i left you before
and only by a circumstance i first thought was a blessing but is really just another opportunity for you to break me way worse than before
did we meet
and if there's something i learned from that
it's that i won't let you do that to me ever again

i'm one of them
as Cassie would say
the bent, but the unbroken

sitting on perfectly plumped cushioned couches
pursing their perfectly distorted, plumped and filled lips
attempting to smile and express emotion across unmoving skin
polished and smoothed  
talons painted hideous brash colours
tearing each other apart with foul-mouthed school yard taunts
each trying to be more outraged and outrageous than the other
hideous display of eye rolling passed off as moral high ground
screaming  banshees are more palatable than these housewives en masse

@journeyofdays

Diba nandoon ka
noong sila'y humingi ng tulong
noong sila'y hinuli at sinaktan
ng walang kalaban-laban
noon sila'y tinrato na hayop
ng sarili nilang kababayan.

Diba narinig mo
ang iyak ng mga batang
dinuyan sa tunog ng bala
noong ang mga nanay nila
na dapat kakanta
ay hindi na makita.

Diba nakita ****
nanaig ang kapangyarihan
kaysa sa kanilang karapatan?

Nandoon ka
sa bawat iyak
sa bawat sigaw
pero hindi mo sila sinagip
mula sa kapangyarihang
puno ng galit.

Ngayon nama'y
kami ang naririto
mga bagong saksi
ng pagkatalo
mga sundalong
walang armas pero
pilit ipinaglalaban
ang katotohanan.

Kailanma'y hindi
magiging sapat
ang mga libro
para ikwento ang pait
para aming maramdaman
ang sakit.

Pero ngayong araw
mga mata'y luluha muli
ang mga sugat ay muling hahapdi.

Ngayong araw
kinalimutan ang kasaysayan
kaya't pasensya na mga anak
kung aming napabayaan
kung ibang pananaw na
ang inyong daratnan

O Pilipinas,
ikaw pa ba ang Perlas ng Silangan?

I never planned to kiss you that night.
But your sleepy eyes hold this unexplainable power that in that moment it was the only thing I wanted.
I never meant to play this game.
I put up walls, I became cold and hard, oil promised to never not know where I stand with someone...to always be straight forward....silly me for thinking you understand..you were the same.
I never meant to fall in love with you.
But in this hellish world you found the right time to enter, you put in effort, you stayed when I was my worst...when I was terrible to you...
So yeah I fell in love and I think it's a no...but I still can't tell if you feel the same.

I should sleep;
birds almost chirping,
daylight threatens about
but my eyes do not droop.

I should sleep;
but my heart beats furiously.
I have not forgotten.

I should sleep;
even owls have fallen,
winds slowing down
but my spirit remains restless.

I should sleep;
but my mind won't let me.
I remember.

You and I have broken apart – never again will I be so careless.
We made ourselves into a work of art, but we forgot to clean the mess
We made along the way. You were understanding,
While I was “just okay”. You would’ve said anything
To make me love you, but I was oblivious.
I had no idea you felt the same, now all I can do is rue.
I miss you. I miss my best friend.
You miss me like I do. You asked for my heart to lend,
But all I could do was say no. Nothing to send.
There was nothing we could do, the circumstances were rough.
Now there is nothing you can undo, we are both going to have it tough.

Its hard to say goodbye
When I see you every night
Every time I close my eyes
When darkness consumes the light

Its hard to say goodbye
When my memories come knockin'
As I place more nails
In my hearts fated coffin

Its hard to say goodbye
When you were once hello
The very best of me
I do not wish to let you go

Its hard to say goodbye
To the angel that graced my life
The one who once said yes..
When I asked her to be my wife

Its hard to say goodbye
I fumble on the symbols
My palms are shaking violetly
As all I know comes to a close

Its hard to say goodbye
When your world is falling apart
When your left out in the rain
Trying to revitalize your heart

Yes its hard to say goodbye..
When you don't want it to end
When your perfect fairy-tale
Turns out to be pretend..