i never learn how to say the truth to my friends, unless they're good things
i'm not big on sugarcoating, but neither on being brutally and truthfully honest
most especially to you
i can never describe the fear and the anxiety of disappointing you
of just spitting the words i really wanted to say but always always too afraid or stricken to speak because you might just not get it and i might just end up hurting you instead of simply laying down my opinions
opinions
i have tons of them inside my head and they just stay there, waiting to be used on the day i'll finally find the courage to say that you're too much and the pain is sometimes unbearable and can you please stop or just pause because
because my heart is too heavy from all your accusations
my lungs too tight from this choked up feeling, for always letting you win without batting an eyelash and just opening your lips to let your own harsh words out
my soul, dear friend, is bruised too much
i can hardly recognized it because of the many stitches i sew on it every night so that it'll look like it's ready yet again for another war with you
you see
my mind is not that strong to block all your scary glares and your always present annoyed voice everytime i attempt to say what i want you to hear
i can't seem to dodge your blows as i try to turn my back on you because that will only give you more reason to think that here i am again, leaving you after all the time you picked me up and stayed with me
how can you not see that i am so. ****. tired.
of putting up with your *****
of your careless throwing of disguised-as-honest-but-really-are-just-hurtful words?
how?
this is the reason i left you before
and only by a circumstance i first thought was a blessing but is really just another opportunity for you to break me way worse than before
did we meet
and if there's something i learned from that
it's that i won't let you do that to me ever again
i'm one of them
as Cassie would say
the bent, but the unbroken
-to my Middle English nei
*if there's one thing i am sorry for, it's that i kept mum about all the ****** things and let you think that all that you've done are okay, that i can and will always do it
*i won't nod nor cast my eyes downward ever again just to not make you feel bad
* let's let each other go, and keep it that way. we may have loved each other once but that's it
*to freedom : wait till i get you, patience for now, my love
