I'm flipping through the vinyl at the vintage record store even though I haven't a penny in my pocket to spend.
The owner doesn't ever seem to mind that I am all the time hanging out there browsing.
All the music of my life is there.
Sometimes it makes me sad;
Sometimes it makes me happy.
It always makes me feel something,
But it never fails to quiver my eyes.
I knew the band was touring.
I heard they were coming soon,
That classic rock salvation
Is the only thing that sooths.
I could have fell
Right to the floor,
When rock and roll
Came through the door.
Have you ever seen an idol?
I mean, shining like a god
In glistening southern heat?
I pray to God our eyes don't meet.
He had a flowing tunic,
And a top hat on his fluffy mane.
A small entourage was with him.
His eyes were above his darkened shades.
I gasped and said a swear word that I could not keep inside.
Over stacked of dingy cardboard boxes he saw me,
I tried to beg apology but could not speak;
My legs were petrified.
In my chest my heart was pounding,
Sounding like the beating of a drum that timed each step that he took, as he walked around the musical maze to the spot where I was frozen.
Have you ever met an idol?
Someone who is more than just a man?
Someone who has the message of a poet,
And seems to understand like no-one can?
I forced myself to look away,
Looking down to the floor.
I hate that in this moment
I am so vulnerable,
And I love that my nerves are open raw.
I cannot believe all I can do is panic
And I know he must see that I am pathetic.
My soul is naked in his sight.
I know there is no possible way
I can recover from my shame.
I tremble when he puts his hand upon my shoulder
And tell me he understands, that it's alright,
Tells me him in the eye.
I am so close I can see the pores between the stubble on his face.
He asks me how I'm doing, now.
I tell him that my brother should be the one he is meeting.
He is older, and better and more steady in his grip. My brother loved him first because my mother used to play his songs. That's how I came to love him, too.
My brother is more a man than I.
He tells me that my brother isn't here.
That this is just the way it's meant to be,
This charity, serendipity.
He tells me he is honored I'm a fan
Of his music, and he's glad I like the band.
He ask me if I'm coming to the show.
I change my gaze to see the band behind him.
I tell him that I tried, I really tried.
I wanted to so bad. I had no money.
I've been out here on the streets for quite a while.
And, God, I cannot feel this moment.
Everything seems like it's going.
I cannot help but give my life to him.
Take a breath, he calmy tells me.
He holds his hand out to the side.
He signals with his beautiful *******.
What is happening?
And I ask him
"Have you ever met an idol
Someone you wish maybe you could be?
Or were you always beautiful,
Never just a runaway like me?"
He put the tickets in my hand and
Folds his over mine
And takes my hand as if we were praying.
Nobody is a nobody,
His eyes said to mine.
I can see he knows I understand.
He told me that he looked forward to seeing me in the front row.
I wrote this on my phone just now while soaking in a hot bath. Please forgive any mistakes. I'll fix them in time. I know it changes tense. There really is no other way to express the dream state of this poetic writing without taking some grammatic liberties.
