I remember when your dad would beat you
those were the times I'd see you cry
I just wanted to help you fly
far away from all the hurt and pain
but you just wanted to die
you were a drain
you drained me
I was there for you through hell and back
when things got bad for me you'd just pack
****** nose and drunken nights
remember that time you ran away
took too many drugs and almost died
and you blamed it all on me
I didn't give you those drugs
that made you feel like you were covered in bugs
your the one that cheated on me
I had to be free
from all the unimaginable pain you put me through
I was the one who flew
to get away from you and your blue eyes
a big part of me dies
when you come to this small town
we still hook up every time you visit
when you leave again it makes me want to paint my wrist
with deep red
and to go to sleep in bed
forever

To all my sober friends,

If you were one of my friends during my addiction that I left behind
please forgive me I am sorry.
I wasn't in the right frame of mind

I was too focused on my chaotic life,
I wasn't available to be there for you
please don't judge me based on who I became and what I had to do

Some of you may not understand what it's like on Satan's dance floor
before the devil found me,
remember who I was before

Some of you know the combination to unlock the demon's vaults
knowing the secret to walk away instead of being in a never-ending waltz

To all my sober friends, you possess a strength that I admire
some of you found joy in life again, some of you never fell into the fire

Just don't blame yourself for my actions, I made my own choices
I knew the game, I took the risks and listened to the evil voices

I was once that sober friend who was always getting left out
I could never grasp what hold the drugs had and what they were all about

Embarrassed by the slave I'd become there was only me to blame
I knew all this but still I took his hand and walked right into the flame

It wasn't a conscious decision it was one that was vexed
It was based on who can inflate your ego and where to score next

I could ask anyone who's felt the flames to listen to what I have to say
But addicts hearts won't listen, they always need to learn the hard way

We need proof that it will ruin our lives to the darkest parts of our souls
we need to see it with our own eyes, we need to feel the holes

We broke our promises that we made and took his hand to dance
even though we wanted to rest the devil continued to prance

Dragging us through every waltz, tango and two-step
when we fall he comforts us like a friend he's always kept

All along it was us, we were the ones who needed to let go
I hope you never dance with him, i hope you never know

I pray you never understand, I pray you see me for who I use to be
when I let go of his hand I hope you'll be there waiting for me

Hold out a hand for me, be someone

that makes the  bad things run and hide
not someone that I allow to drag me, be someone who walks beside

You give me the hope that I can be strong and let go of the devil's hand
there is a better life than dancing to the devil's evil band

You're my prayer I say each night before I go to sleep
please know that you crossed my mind when I was in too deep

I didn't want to be embarrassed, if we didn't talk you wouldn't know
if i didn't see you then there would be nothing I had to show

I wouldn't let you down like I let myself down every day
thank you for being who you are, it's for you I pray

Continue being the light because one day I won't be at his command
I will see you again even if you choose not to take my hand

Even if you're not there waiting know that with your help i grew
I hold no loathing towards you, you just did what i could never do

It's not the life I wanted, it's one I wouldn't have picked
with kind regards, from yours sincerely, your friend the drug addict

mother spills lies from her wine stained lips; the ones that I used to kiss goodnight.
"I love you," she says, but she'll do it again.
she'll shatter my heart and walk upon the broken glass, ****** feet and wondering where she had deceived me; but she's only deceived herself by shooting up another time.
going to drug deals at only age five, I grew up too fast and there's a world of chaos inside my mind.
the pain lashes out on me like I've been hit on the skin with a rubber band.
my toes sink in the sand and I stare into the ocean of the disease, she's drowning in the water but she knows how to swim.

Betrayal is what I felt today,
a feeling not so strange.

Light it, smoke it, breathe it in,
choose it; yet again.

She smiles like a Cheshire Cat,
And it makes me laugh to think of how she sways her hips, walking away while looking back, like a professional acrobat.

"Live with me! I'll cook for you!"

The cologne
      of her ex
             on her skin,
                  
as she coos
          into my ear,
                    "Oops,
                            
                              dropped my phone."

She bends her neck to let me see her *******
(which jiggle as she giggles at a joke I never said)

I don't trust her. Not at all.

But I'm flattered by her clear attempt to sell me in the mall.
Maybe it's Maybelline,
Maybe it's methamphetamine
(Or the bruises on her arm)
Or her pupils stretched with a line,
Of black paint past her felonies,
Past the "no trespassing" sign.
Past her oceanic iris,
Curving to her brow,
Like a coy, reserved, egyptian lynx,
Poised while on the prowl.
Maybe it's her melancholy glance,
Sent off towards some memory,
Of a redwood where she kissed-
How she looks away when she sits,
To my left,
her eyes, motioning
to some tempting offscreen thing...

I don't know what drug she worships,
But it's got her shivering.

"I love you like I love rock music
           (But keep your clothes on)
I love you like I love the Steinhart aquarium,
           (But keep your clothes on),
I love you like I love the cinema,
           (But thanks for the compliment)"

I'm glued in I'm blowing thick clouds
my mind screams and shouts begging for the answer
convince me convince me not

I feel strapped the eff down
all I rely on is knowing I'll fit in this size 1
Everyday I research my way out
half heartedly I devise a plan
Dear God send me an angel with a clue
a clue on what to do with my issue the future it's more foggy
I'm sinking slowly into depression sadly obsessed with my weight
I sit smoke and escape meals life and all of pent up pain