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The magic of the mentally ill
Is the ability they master, with time,
To continue on and thrive
With a hell built into their mind.
I sobbed so hard they thought I was laughing
And instead of screaming, I whisper, silent enough that only
The weak of mind can hear.
And there's something to be said for
The weaker than the average human
And how I have to say they're different from you-
in a negative tone-
Just so you'll comprehend the difference
Between us and you.
Truth is we are stronger than anyone
Will ever give us credit for
And in our solemn solitude
We find ourselves wishing for release
Through whatever could get us out the fastest
From this hell built into our minds.
Truth is we are never going to escape.
Instead we adapt, we tie the knots between hell and heaven
And we thrive
Despite the hell built into our minds.
Alec Boardman Mar 2017
What do you want from me?
Borderline personality disorder, why have you chosen me?
Have I not suffered enough in this pitiful life?
All I ask is to have a stable identity and sense of self
But you come creeping into my development and overtake
Labels are nothing
Labels are everything
No in between with anything,
Black and white thinking
Love or hate
Mania or depression
In the span of 5 minutes.
The only constant you allow me to feel is my hatred for you.
Every moment is a swirling vortex of losing hope and
Clinging to anyone who so much as smiles in my direction
But I suppose
When everything is switching
Faster than a traffic light
Because of you.
The thing to be most thankful for
Is to be able to hold onto you.
Borderline personality disorder, why have you chosen me?
My only sense of self, since you change everything else
Novenber 2016
Alec Boardman Mar 2017
A wind chime old and rusting on your grandmother’s porch
The song not as clear as it once was
The new tune so softly eerie that to a passerby it seems just fine

Waking up five minutes before your alarm
Sitting on your bed, wide awake
Just watching the time tick pass, minutes of your life
Until you’re past the time to go

In the idle of traffic, you become aware
Of all the movement around you
Babies whine, horns honk, people sing
Yet here you are
What are you doing?
Are you doing anything at all?

Your bed is a coffin, dusty from the days you don’t open it at all
The sunlight is foreign to your eyes
People prance around you, basking in its glory
They don’t even blink at your inability to see the light.

In the cemetery,
Gravestones surround you,
Bodies of the lost and souls of the ******
You can’t help but resonate somewhere deep inside your soul.
Not that you wish to be dead, no.
Just that it seems you already are.
October 2016
Alec Boardman Mar 2017
Rushing through never seemed so lovely
Do I have to do this again?
How much time until it ends?
Phase through the routine and
Put up with the words spat in your face like venom
Who can blame you for being lazy?
It isn’t laziness making you this way
This is a universal feeling that no one knows how to explain
A lot of people don’t even know it’s there
Like
A poison slowly seeping into the gases we breathe
So subtle we barely even notice as it overtakes us
Controls us
But we are all under the veil of a lie that this is just how we are
Maybe it isn’t this day making us all mindless robots
Maybe it isn’t just enhancing our already full glass of depression
Maybe it’s ******* away at the energy of before
And maybe it’s doing nothing at all.
Since time is a concept, we just all search for things to blame for our own faults
Are we doing the same with this?
We have so much to look forward to.
That’s all we truly care about.

A self centered shallow cry for excitement that we buzz through what we could also be making exciting
We treat this day like a ghost fogging up our glasses when it is truly an opportunity smacked down into the middle of it all.
We all need a break, yes.
But what are we really taking a break from?
October 2016, i was dissociating when i wrote this i dont remember what it means
Baylee Aug 2015
Secrets, secrets, are no fun, unless you share with everyone.

But what if the secret affects someone else?
What if the secret negatively impacts yourself?

Secrets, secrets

I try to clear my mind,
But it keeps popping up
Time after time.

Are no fun

I want to yell, I want to scream,
I want the whole world to know
What's eating me alive
And why I'm bursting at the seams.

Unless you share with everyone

I have been sworn to secrecy,
And I cannot tell,
I've sworn myself in,
And with this I dwell.

The past is heavy,
But secrets weigh more,
And with no one to tell,
My heart and brain begin a War.

I'm battling myself,
At every given instance.
And oh, how I wish
I could return to my days of innocence.

But I have been sworn to secrecy,
And now I cannot speak of it,
Such an invasion of privacy,
And a secret I can't admit.

But maybe, just maybe,
One day I will.
I'll get it off my chest
And will no longer feel mentally ill.

Secrecy does weird things
To a person,
And the longer it goes on,
The more their mental health will worsen.

Secrets, secrets, are no fun, unless you share with everyone.
Destiny Carlton Jul 2015
I can't tell how I feel
The rats are inside her again
I am a boiling kettle whistling
The blood is hot in her veins

I try to keep it in perspective
Her own fear devours her
I over achieve to balance the scales
They have nothing to be jealous of
grace Jun 2015
well ****
I ****** up
I thought too much again
and realized some ****
I'd rather leave unsaid
and writing it down
won't help me forget
but I'd rather have proof
that I'm human
because I feel so alien

I don't know who the **** I am
because I've spent my life
pretending to be someone
for someone else
and someone else
for someone else
and someone else
for someone else
and I guess my mind grew bored
and it got up and walked away
and I was too busy to notice
or call out her name

it's pointless though
(and ****** up I know)
because in the midst of all this faking
I forgot it anyway
Hayleigh Jan 2015
If i could,
I would,
Carefully take you apart,
And put you back together,
Piece, by fragile piece,
And i would not cease,
Until the job was done.
Until the sun once again, shone from those lost, wondering eyes,
Until the cries that had chained you down,
Had been removed from the ground.

And if i could, i would,
Take my tools
And attentively drill out
Your insecurities,
All those flaws, you believe to be
Impurities
And ***** in self acceptance so tight,
So that never again at night,
Would you be reluctant, to hold yourself,
As you sparkle in the moonlight.

And if i could, i would,
Clamp together,
Your hopes and dreams,
Your self belief,
And tie them together at the seams
With double knots,
So that you never forgot, how
Capable you are.

I'd take each glittering star,
and plant them in the pupils of your eyes,
So that each time you cry
You'd be reminded of the beauty inside,
Of you.

And if i could, i would,
Paint over your frame work,
And tentatively cover up those scars,
So you'd never again see the hurt,
And never doubt
Just how perfectly imperfect you are.

And if i could, i would,
Saw away your sorrows
So when you thought of your tomorrows,
You weren't filled with dread,
You were filled with joy and hope
And optimism instead,
So that before you went to bed,
You were not filled with self defeating thoughts,
Ruminating inside, that pretty little head.

And if i could, i would,
Weld securely into place,
A genuinely happy smile,
Across your dainty face,
And a hand in yours,
So you'd never have to brace
Anything alone.

And if i could, i would,
Disassemble your malfunctioning thought processes
And rewire them back together again,
With a spanner, in the manner,
That meant you were not
Classed as insane.
I'd unfold and rearrange,
The chemical imbalances
Within your brain
So that the years of disdain,
And self blame,
Where a thing of the past,
I'd put you back together,
In a way, that showed you,
You were meant to last.

And if i could, i would,
Attach wings to your spine,
So there'd never be a time,
That you'd stumble and fall
You'd stand tall.

And if i could, i would,
Take the lonely shadows of your heart,
Rip them apart
And blaze them,
In a light so bright
It'd never die out,
You would never again doubt
All that you are,
And all that you can be.
And if i could, i would,
I'd set you free.
A repost for all of you who are suffering, or who know someone suffering from mental illness. Big hugs to you all ***
elijah Dec 2014
Let us run,
Let us hide,
Let us fade,
Along with the tide.
Within the sea,
She silently breathed,
The heavens were waiting,
Along with me.

Miss you she said
-looking up at the sky-
She turned her back,
And waved goodbye.
Submerged by the water,
Slowly she sinks
-Timeless and lifeless-
No seconds to think.

Slowly she drifts,
At peace at last.
Looking back at her life,
It sure was a blast.
What happened to her?
What went so wrong?
What caused her to go..
After so long?

The time has now ended,
Along with her pain.
She can now rest,
Can't be harmed again.

E.M Pearson
Hayleigh Nov 2014
If i could, i would,
Disassemble your malfunctioning thought processes
And rewire them back together again, 
With a spanner, in the manner,
That meant you were not
Classed as insane.
I'd unfold and rearrange,
The chemical imbalances
Within your brain
So that the years of disdain,
And self blame,
Where a thing of the past,
I'd put you back together,
In a way, that showed you,
You were meant to last.
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