His senses hold him prisoner,  
Overwhelmed and alone.  
The walls are his burden;  
The light, too much to bear.  

The soaked linen of yesterday’s news,  
Stained with fear from battles before—  
An old uniform hangs alone,  
Boots polished beside paper awards.  

Headlights cast broken shadows,  
Each a spectre of the past.  
Empty scotch bottles and cigarette burns  
Mark a slow crawl to solitude.  

Light burns through a slither 
His heart beats through the walls.  
Strangled by the sirens  
That triggered him before.  

He needs to be cradled,  
Yet no hand reaches for him.  
He sways back and forth,  
A pendulum of grief.  

Screams, muted by paralysis;  
Silence pervades the void.  
Fractured by a rasping breath  
And a crescendo of emotions.  

The warning bells pass—  
They did not come for him.  
His fragile breath of sorrow  
Whispers to an empty room.  

By Darren Wall ©

Born in religious family
You heard it right, like every good story
Turned my back onto everything that I know
To just understand the whole side of the story
Every once in a while there was a backlash and a life
Every once a while there was a genuine smile
Every once a while I saw some one succeed
I don't deserve it all, or I can't have it right
Then came all kinds of addictions
Habits like living in hell is the fiction
Then came all the bugs around the sugar
And the apple rot inside with a worm eating its tail
Then I lost the loved ones and I let go of the friends
I saw the torturers and I saw being tortured
I saw the sinful act of acting like everything's ok
Ok as you heard it right
It's a miracle to be alive at this stage
Then I found the god, the one and true only
The existence that keeps me awake, the best almighty
Taking baby steps but I am still walking
Running is not a choice, blood circulation maybe stopping
One side of my body is going lose and lose and lose
Engineered to win at a lengthy process of living the abuse
The devil on my back and the light in front
I'm not running away, I'm taking it along
Hey dear devil, can you hear the steps?
I'm pushing you to heaven, I'm pushing us all away
The funny thing is I never got scared
Like a funny game of sadomasochistic shame
The reason was easy, I trusted their eyes
They are all good people, they are just doing their jobs
I am just lost, in the never land
I'm not Peter pan, I am just a man
As you heard it right, I was born and raised
In the middle east, under Islamic Reign
I will not be lost, I will not be dead
The story never ends if it shouldn't end
Fully grown, with no hair and all beard
I am now a man, lost in time and space
Found by the god, on the corner of the house
I shall forgive them all, and I shall be forgiven
Let the story be on the good side of the hope
For god is truly, bigger than you hope

I am the monster in chains held by a lock of my own teeth
I am the lure that controls the angler fish
I am the wolf in sheep's clothing that wishes to be the sheep
I am a friend of the humanity I wish to destroy

Spending my days in total fear
Can't even enjoy a single beer
It's the atoms you see
They're just messing with me
Blazing around I have a hunch
Watching videos is not what I want to be doing on my lunch
But hey, just between me and you, I don't think any of us know what we want to do

As a kid I used to be a poet
But with how hard it is for me to talk now you just wouldn't know it
Picking up hobbies like their mints from hotel lobbies
I can take a deck of cards and magic trick it, but that is certainly no meal ticket

managing mental health
wrapping head around
changing outlook views
wearing scars like a crowns
won’t help you to survive
without food on the table
without a chance to be well
it won’t matter
self taught lies
when problems are in real life
and you're not allowed yourself

Fridays were always fun.

Jack was always the bold one, but once you knew him, it wasn’t that bad. You be surprised, once he got going, he became the life of the party.

Jerry was sweet and got along with everyone, though if you cornered him, he has one hell-of-a-punch.

Tito was smooth too, and like Jerry, got along with everyone. But became a bit bitter later in life.

Jim, Jose and Bulleit—man those three guys always got into trouble. They were ok at first, but we had a falling out as they fought with themselves and everyone else. Probably for the best not to worry about them.

And Mary. I don’t know how to explain it. She had a certain allure, an air about her. She is sweet, good looking, and super funny. No matter who she is with she can have a good time, down to party whenever.  

I suppose we all have lives now.
Too responsible.
But we deserve to have a good time, right?
It is a Friday.
I’ll be honest out of everyone I’d contact, it would be Mary. Maybe Jack and Jerry, only if Mary said she was cool with them as well. Anyone else though and the good times will not roll.

I am the noble locked high away in the tower
I am the dragon below that seeks to devour
I am the gate, the parapet, the halls, and oobleette
Filled with treasures hoarded away, a gem not out of set

The dragon, born of the castle, grew along side the noble
Who stared out in awe of the world, tottering on a crooked crenellation
Being of beast its instincts and hunger took an earlier maturation
Yet unable to reach out of the walls, swipes of flame could still be sent
Scorches and nicks began to fill the gardens
While the noble tasked to straightening the stones

It took age to understand. To have the ground work for what a dragon is. Seeing it grow day by day, until dawning on the noble. The beast's head would eventually peak over the walls, know the world, and take flight. With a rush of horror, chains were built to tie down the monster. Posted inside, access only to the halls, soon separated down to the dungeons and locked below. A monster of anger blew its flame igniting the ceiling stone. Away to the highest point the noble ran, abandoning the keep if only not to burn their feet.

With the dragon out of sight and still seeking to view the world, the noble turned to making connections. But the igneous stone radiated. With each scorch left on those invited to the castle, a new brick made it's way. A decorative curtain of stone to dome the palace. Nary a brick letting in an ounce of sky, with a sliver of a gate.

The noble turned away from the world, thinking there was only pain to cause. They took shelter and sweltered. Waiting one day for a knight to break down the walls. Hoping a champion could stand the dragons heat and not turn. The noble led those in not burned by the stones. Letting them walk the halls, pointing out the ****** holes and pitfalls, the traps on display. Yet still leading them to a monster unconquered.
All fled to from the heat onrushing the dungeons depth, not even to see a claw.

Stood one knight that cooled the earth they walked. Stood one knight that wished to share the treasures scalding to touch. Stood one knight, a castle of their own. Yet chased away they were too. With a slackening of the chain, the grounds they left. Chased away by the noble who thought the knight could do not be harm.

With the knight came others, a company of compatriots. Combined they stood and made way. Presented pictions of well managed gardens. Of their own crumbling walls and remortared stones. Courage the noble took from them. To reach out and take a hand from them.

Tame the dragon
No more can this go on
I have to take control
The castle diagrams still exist
I used them to build the tools that made the lock
They're in disrepair, but can be mended
I must start now building. It will take time and stone, but I have the will
Down comes the dome
Repurposed to entry arches
I will turn that hated heart into enveloping warmth
I will open the treasury and share the treasures collected, the views I've obtained
I will come down from my tower and walk the halls of my body once more

Head first down the rabbit hole
and into the labyrinth,
we could only follow behind you
winding the string and hoping to find you,
through all your various twists and turns
that lamp was bright and still it burns
the monsters fed till you were gone
but the light within you carries on

what the **** is happening to me? I am losing myself again and this time I cannot even blame anyone because no one is at fault here, it's me and my mind.
Am I depressed? 
Am I mad?
what is this?
How can I figure what is going on with me?
what is this feeling?
I am not missing anyone, I am not talking to anyone, I am doing nothing which can mess with my head, maybe it's the nothing which is making me mad or maybe I was never okay?
Maybe I was just distracted from the reality and was living in delusion?
maybe my mind is still the same? 

I want to figure this out before it's too late or maybe it is too late? what am I even talking about?

Man.. this one seems like a big one.
Last year was one of the worst.
Still struggling..
Gasping for air.

I’m ******* fightin’!
The grasp on me right now
Is so ******* intense..

I can ******* do this.
I’ve harshed the weather of the storm.
..but I keep getting back up.
Yes, this is rock bottom.

I wasn’t supposed to
Be alive this long.
I have fought many battles
In this ****** up life.
Today is no different.

I will rise up.
I am no longer a victim
Of this insidious reality.

Speak up.
Use your voice.
Take that hand..

YOU are the solution.
In order to get there
You just fight & grow.

Year 35…
I AN GOING TO THRIVE ✨✨