I lather my skin in the mist I’ve grown fond of
Why is it that pink vanilla is the solution to my problems?

I’ve always loved the smell
Comforting; yet, somewhat hostile

I envision the time we spent in silence
When I wear the drops of scented denial

Three years later I savor the fragrance
Spraying my pillow with cycling sadness

Knuckles, my weighted stuffie, reeks of coated plight
I inhale then exhale the memories I can’t wipe

Every night I spread pink vanilla amongst my place of comfort
An easing feeling that deprives me of life with you I can’t falter

I’m stuck behind the bars of memories I can’t deplete
Another night inside the cell of pink vanilla deceit

The air doesn't feel as heavy,
but it still hurts to breathe.
I think I'm going under,
but as much as I miss you,
I'm not ready to leave.
I can't tell you how I'm feeling
because I'm feeling everything and nothing
all the time. And as the days turn into years,
it seems like the only things that stay
are my fears. The fear that someday, I'll be OK without you. The fear that someday,
all that I'll have left of you
are love and memories.

Over the wide fields

of collected memories --


the past strides about.

I'm from a small two-story house on Heatherwood Circle
from mild Summers and freezing Winters
from snow days and hot chocolate to bike rides every morning and evening

I'm from Olmsted Falls ISD where there are four different schools for elementary school here
from Helping Hands and computer lab
from everyone in the class is invited to birthday parties
from a surprise visit from Ronald McDonald

I'm from Kids First Daycare
from Summers of fun and field trips
from taking the wagon to the other grades to collect their leftover food
from the best lunches I've ever received from a school; Buttered Noodles, meatloaf, spaghetti and meatballs
from kind teachers and amazing friends I'd watch movies with while we waited for our parents to pick us up. We never got to finish Wall-E

I'm from change
from moving
from new friends, new house, new school
I’m from new
I’m from restarting

I'm from not-so-happy endings
from ups and downs that made me a better person
from learning how to make the most of my current situation
I'm from New Beginnings

Laying in the bed I feel suffocated, my throat closing up
I focus on the cracks in the ceiling, careful not to pry my gaze away
I started counting down the minutes until you would be done
So scared my body would betray my indignation

I felt hands crawl inside me, scraping at my insides
Making there way up my body, hands wrapped around my throat
Crawling at my mouth, begging for me to open wide
Begging for me to look you in the eyes

The sheets drenched in my sweat and my back glued to the bed
I felt you slip inside of me, your arms slick with moist
A droplet of sweat falling from your forehead onto my face
Covering the shed tears that lay upon my cheeks
Bile rose in my throat, the nausea threatening to escape

I wanted to be sick, I wanted to scream
My mouth went numb, no words would come out
My pleas for you to stop only fell on deaf ears

- the cracks in the ceiling help me to sleep at night
  when the memory of you comes fading back

My bare feet bled on sands untread,
Leaving fragile imprints in pursuit of love long dead.

What's a soulmate?
It's like a best friend, but more.
It's the person who knows you better than anyone else in this world.
It's someone who inspires you to be a better person.
It's the person who knew you, accepted you,
and believed in you before anyone else did-or when no one else would.
You will always love them; nothing can change that.