it's sad. but happy.
lonely. but not the only one,
a spark of calmness. but a blister of days.
light waiting for the ****** night.
the joy of. what also grows life. to be meaningless.

Not an easy thing
I am shriveled and weak
So see through my eyes
I am small and meek

Look into my head
A constant chatter
A thousand thoughts
Echo that I don't matter

I'm grasping at straws
And wishing on stars
That I could see any value
Underneath my scars

Do you think I don't beg
At night as I scream
Desperate for relief
Desperate to dream

So far I am worthless
No inherent use
My entire existence
Is unhinged and loose

So throw me away
Lend me some meaning
So that when I am gone
It won't be so unseeming

Let me do what I can
Vicarious meaning or not
So perhaps I'll wake up
Instead of laying to rot

deprived of a higher purpose

a reason for my meaningless existence

journey of discovery

a break from the mundane

repetitive nature of self-isolation

alone but never lonely

not until she crossed my mind for a final time

and so I awake each afternoon

dreading the coming hours

of mediocre party tricks

all in an effort to waste passing time

ironically the commodity

that everyone runs out of

When all is lost and all is dreary,
When fate is gone and you must go on,
When you go on without a light,
When you fight through the worst of night,
Du bist der übermensch.
When you beat the hopelessness and decay,
Du bist der übermensch.
When you fight a world meaningless,
Du bist der übermensch.
When you create meaning from naught,
Du bist der übermensch

Another night
i lay to rest
With all these words
But what a test

Find the meaning
say what’s best
But sometimes it’s  
just saying less

I lay still as if I were a breathing corps.
My heartbeat reminds me I still live.
My mind wanders aimlessly;
It drifts in and out of the borders of valid conception,
and withers to its content.

Am I alive,
or waking from a prolonged dream?
These thoughts contradict my understanding of this world.
They break the grips of my reality,
and plunge me into the unknown.

Although the notion tinges a world of fear.
My perspective shifts;
My consciousnesses fades away
and is vibrantly replaced
by a wave of blissful euphoria.

This is a strange existence.
Time is irregular;
It means nothing here.
Days seem like seconds;
minutes seem like weeks.

O' to what a mishap,
a folly happenstance,
a fringe to conventionality.
To who or what pleasure
do I owe?

Part of me wishes to leave this place.
Albeit a part wishes to remain.
I am in love with this realm,
yet I know there is somewhere else
that I must be.

So now I set sail
to find the world that I came from;
with a pleasant gift from the one I left.
                   I look upon an old existence,
                                             with new eyes.