from the day I was born
I wasn't meant to belong to myself
a cursed being without any power of control

my fate was written
in a lazy handwriting
on a wrinkled piece of paper

very early in life I learned so
that I had strings tied to my limbs
and I'd never be able to walk alone

any glance of freedom
where I dared to dream
was followed by a unwanted label

I've always been
someone's sister
someone's youngest child
someone's crush
someone's heartbreak
but never
in the purest
the freest
form
me

There she goes, with a young heart in a ****** world. She’s so young and she could be so gullible. Love sounds like a dream but feels like trickery to her heart. To have power over her young heart, that would be the dream for the ****** in the ****** world. She’s so young, it would be so easy to lie to her. She’s so young, it would be so easy to take advantage of her. She’s so young, it would be so easy to manipulate her.

She feels every time she is lied to, taken advantage of, and manipulated, and she knows what’s happened to her. She doesn’t want to say anything about it, because she knows only the ****** would do such a thing. The ****** weren’t always the ******, and she could be one of them any day, and she knows.

At some point, however, she feels the need to say something as a preventative measure. She has a young heart and so many of the ****** want to **** it. The ****** world doesn’t feel safe to her. She wants all the ****** in the ****** world to stay away from her until they are no longer the ******. However, she is scared that everyone in the ****** world, including her, is the ******. She is scared that there will be no one left in her refuge once all the ****** are gone. She has to risk her fear because she believes her heart is young and she wants to keep it that way.

Waiting for a sign of freedom
Waiting for someone to see me
Nothing I do is good enough
all I do is full of love
What if I said you were too much
It’s a lie,
But I’m a heartless being
I want to see what would happen
I wish that I could care
And I kinda do, I swear
And If I were to stay
There would be no other way
If I could say,
What I really thought
You’d know for sure, that I am a bad person
And I wish it was so easy
As for you to say you love me
But my internal organs say you hate me
I know you say,
“It isn’t true”
But what do you think I am? Sane?
Well, you were wrong
I’ve been with me my whole life
I’d trust myself, on a rare occasion at least
Because I’m a special case
One that’s about to break
And I know you can’t take
Any more of this, And that’s my fault,
I’m sure but what makes you
So sure?
That I would save me if I could
I’m a domino effect
So how about let’s go a set
A knife right onto my open arms
Ready to erase me and
Ready to embrace you
I don’t know what I’m seeing
All I can tell you is that
I’m a heartless being

All your fears come true,
  you were just there in lieu.
A body to warm his bed,
  a soundboard to ease his head.
You always were a placeholder,
  again forced to grow colder.
Soon there will be nothing there,
  no words or love to show you care

no matter how many times
your thorns rip through my flesh
i will still look into your eyes
and only see the beautiful rose petals

I didn’t realize you used it against me.
When day 4 was erased and turned into another day 1,
I still thought it was all my fault, that I didn’t give you enough.

Now though, I see you are a monster.
I refuse to blame myself for being naïve.
I’m no stranger to abuse, but your method will haunt me for years.
While wielding the sword of my own horrors, you whispered the vows that would save your reputation and keep my loyalty even when I’m empty and broken.
You soothed the old wound and turned my wildfire into a flickering candle. But my wax turned cold on impact when you tried to slice my flesh when I was most vulnerable.

I let you draw blood, numbed by your manipulation.
But now you are gone, and your anesthesia wore off.
I see you now.
You are not my friend.
You are not my enemy.
You are just a terrible young man who’s name I will eventually forget.
Because you are nothing to me anymore.