I've left my feelings
unanswered.

Ultimately, I want to prove my younger self was right to dream big
to swim in phantasmal fantasies of wines albeit the absence of a single fig
to think of driving the wall Street whilst barely floating the dusty street...
that he was right to build castles in this cyclo charged air,
and in the end I wanna be proud of the foundations I put up...
working tirelessly to meet those castles, never giving up.
I want to look back with pride of never ceasing to dare...
I just want to eagerly peer back at my perspiration
and tell not sad tales but those of great inspiration
of not only the shaky bridges there were, the hails and storms
but of how I withered, of how bare I walked roads with thorns.
I want to congratulate me for dreaming without sleep...
in the end, for climbing on and on, no matter how steep...
the cliffs of life proved to be, I want to look back and smile
at the millions of good deeds,
as part of great memories I sowed midst perilous weeds
in the end, I don't want to have so many regrets
I want my name written in the stars along the twinkling greats
in the end I want to be remembered for walking the extra mile
it's easy to be that lad the universe easily forgot
when the tsunami wave blew along as soon as death
sighed and took in a gluttonous deep breath
it's hard to be the greatest of all time, the GOAT
but I'd rather be proud of myself for trying and failing
in the end, rather than even failing to try
ultimately, I'd rather bear scars of attempting a fly in the high
than surrendering to life in the pits of low...
it didn't matter how long it took, fast or slow
I just want to be proud of me for going against the flow
whether small or as wide as a container lorry
no worries, I just need some story of my glory...
"He didn't shine so bright though",
I want them to say in the end, "but few will forget his glow"...
that's why I work my fingers to the bone
to move my city from my town and turn my dusk to a dawn...
In the end, this life goes so fast so snappy
but as I out grow this world, I wanna look back and be happy.
Ultimately...

Lonesome evening star,
Above millions of neon sparks,
Illusions in time.

She was not sweet, neither was she sour...
She was pretty awesome, somewhere in between...
If she were to be compared to anything
I believe she was water...
incomparable to anything
but just pretty cool to drink...
I think..

Walking in lonesome
Through a winter's woods, hoping
Melt of heart in ice

©  2017 Jim Davis.

You fed me on love but never taught how to survive
when the times of drought come, and ultimately, they did arrive
you planted roses of promises all over the garden of my heart
florets I was fooled to believe would bloom just like that
why didn't you ever tell me that roses only bloomed in the abundance of rain
so at least I'd water my soul in such moments rather than see the flowers of hope in my heart whither in pain
you held my hand for so long, never gave me a single chance to learn
how to trudge the boulevard of desolation, not once did you let me walk alone
you dressed me in the warm sweat shirt of your tight embrace
like I'd wear it for forever, like I'd wear it until it is all tattered and old
Never ever did I ever imagine someday you'd peel it off and leave me in cold
you hugged me so selflessly, smiled that I forgot how to live without the face
You took me swimming in the deep end of the Oceans of romance
yet didn't tell me that I survived the perilous adventures by chance...
You taught me how to dance, how to listen to music and let flow through and thrive
but didn't tell me that once you left the same symphony would leave me barely alive
You encouraged me to always make memories no matter the cost
if only I had known those memories would return taunting like a Gothic ghost
haunt my mind and leave me hopeless and lost,
like a rudderless ship washed by waves to some unknown coast
to an extent, I'd pray for a down pour of amnesia to wash away the things a valued most
Maybe you should have warned me that love was sweet and sour
that it is a beautiful rose but does fade like any other beautiful flowers
that even if we were a bed of roses even roses have spiky thorns
and that Hearts fracture so bad much as they bear no bones...
You should have told me fairy tales were merely stories we were told to find sleep
that much as you were mine to hold, it was no guarantee you were mine to keep...
you should have told me all the secrets you concealed and the dark side you hid
maybe I wouldn't have believed you then, but it probably could have hurt less than it actually did

Sometimes you ask yourself, does she understand
does she understand what you mean when you
fight through the cold fog of numbing fear to face
her and stutter the words "I love you"
Does she understand it takes more than
just courage to utter some words, does she
know how deep you have to dig to find the right
way to roll the tongue and move your paralysed
teeth just to construct a single sentence...
Sometimes you wonder whether she knows or not
that it takes a thousand heart blips, a ****** labyrinthine
conundrum and a relentless soul to make a single step
across the emotional bridge...
Sometimes you wonder whether she really gets it
when you say she's the road you were destined to
walk without which you won't move on for no matter
how much you'll try, without the road you're stuck to
a single spot, sometimes you ask yourself whether
or not she gets what you mean when you say you
lost your way in the blue Ocean of her eyes and only
the north star of her affection can find you a bearing
back to the shores of reality yet the more the thought
the more the plunder of wonder...especially when you
finally realize she may understand yet not get it...
For how can she get it when even you knows storms
of romance do carry with them heart shuttering thunder
when even you have heard the same lines in songs
when millions of poems say the very thing
some even expressing them in a much more intricate
manner than you can ever weave, how can she get it
when the guy before you said the same thing and
only left a heart he found whole scattered like stars
in the milky way, not that they are not beautiful from afar
when she's probably saving you from her invisible ugly scar
one that will drive you away as soon as she drops the veils
and opens up the fragile side that she hides from the world...
What's there to grasp when her father used a similar phrase
to lure her Mama into an abyss of torment so much she grew up like
an orphan as her Mama could not take it anymore and had
to run off, never to be seen again, when her teacher
defiled her best friend with the allure of something not so different...
when she's read Shakespeare, Oscar Wilde and more
where it all ends but in tragedy, fire or War...
What's there to understand when you aren't even sure if what
you feel's passion enough to light all way to forever... and you
know she's no longer playing games, she's been disappointed many times
and she won't simply fall for a beautiful piece simply because it rhymes...
And then you wonder, who'll find you when your rescue is more
lost than you have ever been...

They see castles in the air, I see air in the castles
They see the end of the road as I see the road in the end
the treacherous enemy in every friend
whilst I see potential allies in every adversary
they see the peril in crossing the sea
while I tap the perilous adventures in what they see
they see the horizon of the dawn
I see the dawn of the Horizon
They time love, I love time
they see a storm in the thickest of clouds
I see a silver cloud in the heaviest of storms
they see the future, I see the millennium
they see the maximum, I see the minimum
they sleep to dream, I dream to sleep
they keep to give, I give to keep
They find a burden in the load yet I find the Lord in my burden...
They see the words in the lines, I see the lines in the words
They see shards in the whole as I see the whole in the shards
They see a Caterpillar even in the most beautiful butterfly
I see a floret butterfly in the spine-chill of Caterpillars
they see stalagmites and stalactites, I see future pillars
They see death in life, I see life in death...
because whilst they are people of the world
I am a world of the people, an outsider
beating the odds, going against currents
breaking the rules and gladly paying the price...
they view the game of life by the odds
I view the odds by the game instead and
truthfully speaking, odds don't count...
We all look at one thing, but I see
different, I always will...