i start to mourn it
when its not over.
my body leaves traces
of unspoken distortions
of reality in motion:

our first kiss, our first
date, our first hopes and
mistakes, will they matter
in the long run, will they
turn into a free fall?

trying to cherish what we
have gone through i feel
so isolated by your unspeakable
truths, your saddened distance
is a blessing in disguise: i fear

i can not look you any longer in
the eyes. your remarkable sighs,
the silence that stomps on the tip
of your tongue whenever i tell you
all i want is to talk, all i want is to

have you, feel you close, make you
promise i am the one thing you really,
really want. i find myself wondering if
that's all because i never had you in
the first place: i wouldn't be begging

you to tell me if you were truly mine,
if you were on my side. i feel unloved
and unlovable, it's not your fault if
you don't show what you can't show,
it's not your fault. all i've ever wanted

in this life was to feel that someone chose
me, prioritized me over everything and
everyone: i've prayed for that kind of thing
to happen with the desperation of a small
insect not to be pushed against the wall.

that will ultimately be my downfall: to still
believe i am not worthy if i am not being
loved, to believe life was meant to be lived
in love, haven't i had enough? i spend days
paralysed in bed, crying my eyes out to the

memory of a future tense in which you are
something i can come to, a home, a haven,
a muddy love letter. i can no longer wait
for you to be mine. you've never wanted that.
yet i don't want to be alone, i don't want to let

it go. why should i speak hard truths when i can
devour sweet blindness? why should i believe
it's over? lingering has always been my worst
and best endeavour. i just wish you made the effort.
staying would be less painful.

Remember that ice cream, that gave you such delight.
All layered there together, in brown, pink and white

The smells in your life that these memories attach.
When you encounter one, you’ll know that it’s a match.

Always do what you love, isn’t that what they say.
Telling you, by doing this, never  will you work, in a day.

Doing everything with love, it’s with this you will create.
A deep respect for everything, thus learning of your fate.

If only seeing yourself as, the this that I can.
Try quieting your mind, to become the I in I am.

There is a flavor and aroma that sends me far away.
To a time long ago, that’s hidden inside today.

To travel this distance, the one deep in me.
My magic elixir is Called Russian tea.

your presence lingers
not in grand gestures
but in the spaces in between

your smile filling my kitchen
with a warmth that remained
long after the coffee grew cold
and my cup was empty

the place still set for you,
as if you would walk in, sit down,
and make everything
feel a little more whole

the way we spoke on the subway
our words mingling like passengers
clinging to the rails
never quite ready to part ways

the way things look too clean…too still
not just your toothbrush
but the mess you made of my heart
gone

how lovely it was
to have your things scattered among mine
a forgotten sock
your glasses on the nightstand
a sign this space was ours
once

the scent of your shampoo hovers
an echo of you in the quiet
I breathe you in, eyes closed
wishing you were here
to wrap the night around us
turning off the world together
leaving only us
together in the stillness

Got a
Weak mind
Weak heart
Weak fingers,
So I let it all
Slip right by
But still, sometimes
It lingers.

The many that I had accepted
Beyond my control, far from being able to affect any change
Are not nearly as important
As those I forgot, or chose to let linger and fade.
And new ones come up to chase everyday,
It's true what they say;
The more things change, the more
They remain the same.
Alternate the moves, change the pace-
Still the same tango:
Dancing in place

do not hurry

let your shoes rest
one upside down
the other upright

beside the chair
where your toes
pushed them from your feet

your skirt and blouse
draped across the couch
as you dropped them
inattentively

leave them there
a little longer
reaching
one for the other
not quite touching

let your purse lay
undisturbed

fallen on its side
spilling your lipstick
and sunglasses
across the floor

stay

do not take the colors away
from the world
by your absence

not quite yet

please

give me a moment
to inhale you
one more time

close your eyes

and linger

lately, it seems when you call you speak you mind,
motion to hang up before i can even consider mine.
do i exist simply as a gateway for you to speak?

my lover leaves me lonely,
my best friend soon to be alone on a plane
back home to me; tape him up in bubblewrap
beg him never to leave

so much time is spent in this room
isolated enough to warrant yellow paper
still, the textured white walls seem sentimental
they do not feel as big as the bed

it is so lonely without you, darling
but even when you are here,
it remains so empty
i reach for you in the night.

try as i may, even when you linger
you are so far, my darling,
too far to reach; too far to hold.

and i find you only see me once i turn away.
is it my eyes that alarm you, so full of emotion?
or do you want me just close enough for warmth,
but not close enough to listen to?

the broken furniture holds your motion,
still are the shadows that hold your shape,
and i cling to the pillow that isn't quite your length
but it will let me hold it; it will let me love

i picture you in the shower,
borrowing shampoo, speaking of coconut cream
and my dreams are only tinted memories
are you leaving me in the chill of the air conditioning?

perhaps i'll never know until you finally close the door;
the season has only just begun, my darling
there are so many half hours still to yearn for you;
i'll be quiet and laugh at your commentary until the credits roll

i'll quietly await the sudden goodbye.