The kind of letters we write
are ones that are written
with a light touch.

Your hand wandering
in between my legs,
while making my hips twitch
with pleasure.

hello
it is me again.

well, it is the version of me from now
not the old version of me.

I think about you sometimes
I think about how you are doing
how you have changed

I mean you have to have changed
it has been 10 years

I often wonder
if what we had was real

we were so young
but were we really in love?

have you ever wondered
if it was real or just a fantasy?

I kept that gem
purple
rough around the edges
beautiful

I kept it for over 10 years
and I am not really sure why

I guess it was because you Tok my heart first and I thought it was special
that it meant something

and maybe it did
but it doesn’t anymore

and that is where I stand

I meant something
I was special

but that doesn’t mean I am now.

Black smoke Rises
sticking to the walls
inside my lungs
Coughing back my tears
As the ash attacks my throat
and spreads across my tongue
The cinders crackle
flaring up to light the sky
devoid of sun
As I toss inside, one by one;
the letters that you wrote to me
when we were young

But we're growing old
and as these fires flare up
to fight the cold;
As they burn up
the words these letters hold,
I find nothing can erase
the lies you told.
Because every promise
that you sold
still hides in every line,
In every fold,
In every letter inked in gold

And ss the wind picks up
and brings the rain
And your letters burn
till ash remains
It hurts me just
To say your name
But I know my pain
can be contained
And that peace can
Be obtained...

From the ashes
I'll be born again

Let me be:
The makeup on your skin,
And the fragrance of your perfume.

Let me be:
The breeze that grazes your face,
And the unspoken letters on your lips.

Let me be:
Your hidden secrets,
And your full moon.

Let me be:
Your smile, your laughter, your tears,
Your wishes, and your happy dreams.

Hussein Dekmak

Have you ever felt the rain on your cheeks
smelling like a burgundy rose in the sunlight?
Or the fear that drives away the fire for weeks
from your soul, brought by the zephyr of the night?

Have you ever read the unwritten letters
with the wandering feather of the folly,
about the predicted destinies in sweaters
and the voiceless hearts who forget to remain jolly?

Have you ever seen the floating married couples
searching for their star in the clouds, up in the sky,
how they are looking for dizzying touches and chuckles
while writing their love on white sheets, in the hot July?

Have you ever heard the sharpened words,
the ones with hidden or multiple meanings,
how the blind hopes are torn apart by swords
bringing up bitter enigmas and bad feelings?

I did. I felt all of this. I've seen all of this.
How I was smashed in million pieces by the pain,
and yet, I believe Life will give me another kiss.
It'll get better one day, even if it's trying to rain.

Dear Kailey,

This needs to be my last letter to you
And I don't even want you to read it
This is just for me and my own health
For so long I let other people
Dictate what was right and wrong
Especially with my own opinions and thoughts
Because I didn't trust my perspective
And I should not have permitted that
From you or from anyone
Ironically
The time that drives me mad
Occurred in one of our last conversations
Where I acknowledged the fact that
I might have still had feelings for you
But I didn't want anything like that from you
I just wanted to be open and honest
Yet you took it as me being cocky
And tried to take a jab at me
"I like how you assume I'd want to get back with you"
Which would've been an honest misunderstanding
If just two weeks earlier
You hadn't been trying to **** me
And then cover that with claims that
You still had feelings for me
And because I didn't trust myself
And because you assumed I was being shady
I must have been right?
So I created many different reasonings
That fit both my actions and your perception
But, here's the only truth
I did not want anything from you
We had talked about being friends
Ethically I wanted to explain myself
I wouldn't want to start a friendship
If you didn't know what I was feeling
But you believed what you wanted
Then decided to ghost me from there

Little did you know
I had immediately deleted your number
So about a month later
When you texted me out of nowhere
I only knew it was you because
After all the years I know half of your number
But it's not like you wanted to talk
In a way that friends do
No, you most likely were feeling
Either lonely as ****
Or you weren't getting enough attention
And you suddenly remembered I exist
Because you always thought I was a safe bet
The person who would always be there
Except that's an abusive expectation
Unconditional positive regard
That's a therapy technique
It's not made for relationships
Or human connections
So when you consistently use me
While your boyfriend is in the hospital
Or he's in a rough place and can't
***** you the way you want
When you text me after so much silence
Expecting me to even respond at all
And honestly I didn't want to

Initially I planned to ignore the message
Or just delete it
But why would I give you the power
To create your own narrative for my behavior?
So you can text me again in a few days
As if I was just busy and forgot to respond
Because I'm always here right?
Absolutely not
Not anymore
I'm done with your dramatic ****
With your inconsistencies and
Your using of me as an object of
Comfort and safety
I deserve better than that
And since you don't respect me
Enough to give me that consideration
Then I'll do it myself

And just in case you think I'll regret it
Or change my mind some day
Keep in mind that your grossly passive response
(A singular "oh"
To my assertive request not to talk to me again)
Immediately reinforced my decision
To put myself first
Because I love myself now
And I deserve much better than that
And I owe you
Nothing.