Summer heat within
Hot coals igniting
I see you touch
her hand
you know I’m watching
You want me to let go
For I am burning
For you are ice and bone
and Winter snow

I am like darkness seeing the sun shine,
Eluding jealousy a tale so refined,
They have worshiped the sun the stars,
Alas,I am like the moon the reason of whose praise is yet to define,
Forged with sorrows I steal the light,
Always wishing of the sun to set so I can have my rise,
Am I just am alternative I ask getting a sigh in response,
Maybe you will know your worth one day till then be warned not to go astray,
The intangible replies on whose hands the whole world lies.

I'm jealous
but not in a way
I'll yell at you and say
things I don't mean
just because you didn't look at me

I'm jealous
but in a way
that eats my insides
makes my mind run for miles
"is it my fault he's not mine?"

A simple beach bikini  And my life is over  They seem to see how my chest hangs over my stomach  And how my stomach hangs over my pants  Since I wear them to so low  Drinks! My friends eyes looked into by the dj  She’s so pretty isn’t she  Isn’t she Isn’t she ISN’T SHE  Swim down my neck for a chance at possible pleasure  Belief is a spectrum  I wish to someday not notice others  Damaging to an everyday ego if you happen to catch on  
Tap on the shoulder  Tap on the shoulder for a beautiful girl  Gracious turn and a glorious bite of the lip  I’m flawed  I should be pleased she can ****  Isn’t that much  Twenty years old  Birthday last week  Can’t claim a kiss  Can’t claim a touch  I should’ve come over  I should’ve come over  But you frightened me  WHY DID YOU FRIGHTEN ME  If I had gotten there and looked like this  Looked this way  Could the door be shut and the front light turned off  Chop off my ear and give it to my father  He only gets one  Drop off half my brain while you’re at it  Overhead  He’d be sickened by the gently anxious hopeful yet dehumanizing drunkly thought upon thoughts in the club  On top of my friend and the dj  
Sobs exiting the bottom of my bedroom door  “I just don’t have anything to wear”  Speciality suits me  Texas is where you’re from  Lovely boy who found his way into my locker  If he had known  I’d probably not care so much about that bikini  I never got my fathers nose  And yet  And yet  I wish for his hope.

Seeing her in her prime made me feel small. She’s beautiful and breathtaking, and I can see why it would be so hard to forget her. Knowing her before she blossomed would’ve been an honor—to know her deepest secrets, to understand her struggles—but not knowing her successes is brutal. I get it. I feel you. But my heart, my mind, my soul crave that connection too. You crave her, you miss her, and I can’t escape her. Her, her, her. Without her, there’s no us. Without her, I can’t fight for you, and I wouldn’t want to. I crave the destruction of my self-worth as I stay with you, watching you admire her from afar. You’re here with me, but you’re really here without her.

I don’t know why my heart loves you so much. I don’t know why my soul cries for you so much. I don’t know why my brain can’t erase you. It’s just my self-worth asking, aching for freedom. I know the love I’m capable of giving. I know the love I’m giving and not receiving. I know the love that will hurt me. I know the love I deserve but don’t crave. I wish it was me instead of her. I wish she’d disappear so I could finally have you to myself. But without her, there is no us. Without her, we can’t prove we belong together. Without her, there’s just no us.

I swear I’ve forgotten about you
Hours and days turned into months
without the torturous memory
of what you once were to me

But yesterday,
you revealed yourself to me in a dream
I was merely an observer taking in your beauty

Even in my sleep I couldn’t touch you
There was a great distance separating us,
but I could still see you, feel you

I saw all the parts of your life
where I no longer existed,
your new friends and the cities you visited
Till I was awakened by my burning jealousy