swipe left
then right
desperately seeking
mister right

******* strangers
for love and tenderness
hoping he’ll stay
make babies
raise a family

bracing for the pain
the heartbreak
abandonment
of a one night stand

why did you leave
am i not good enough
pretty enough
to be loved
daddy?

On Hands and knees
Three tears fall onto the mat below me
drip drip drop
Emotions Escape
from the cage I have built
around myself

Realizations revelations

Release the Deep sadness of the truth

Oh, How perfectly aligned I am
When I am Alone

Last night, I had my earlobes pierced.
Prior, I had two piercings on my ears.

One on either side from my childhood,
I can only faintly recall the momentary ache,
not what came after

mom took me,
as she had before,

the outcome will be worth it, she’d explained
Bear the pain,
it only lasts a short while.
It won’t be long 'till the stinging subsides,
and all that will be left,
is a place you can adorn
with glittering gold and shimmering silver
and not-so-witty anecdotes and pretty metaphors,

So,
I let myself be swept in her pace again,
Two new wounds to be embellished.

One,
two,

Perhaps, I’ve regressed
but it hurts more than it did before.

I was an observant child.
I learned a lot of things growing up.
Things kids are not supposed to witness are tattooed on the back of my mind.
I learned the importance of discipline as fear was used to keep me in line.
I learned that lying is only bad if you get caught and the truth can be bent as far as you'd like to make your stories align.

A lot of my parents' lessons made me learn things like love is earned not given. A cruel truth they taught to a kid who was only seven.
I learned that I do not deserve their love or attention unless I do something, unless I accomplish the things to make me worth their affection.
I was a smart child. I was admired when all I wanted was to be loved.

My parents raised me. Growing up all I wanted was to be like my dad but now I'm worried I see him in my rage whenever I get mad. I learned to throw a punch before i learned how to apologize, I learned how to act strong when all along no one told me it was okay to be weak, I learned how to smile before I learned how to be happy and I learned to shout before I learned how to speak.

I am not a child anymore.
People would commend me throw compliments at my way as if not knowing a candle kills itself faster the brighter it burns.
I open up about the things I learned and they tell me it may be wrong but it made me strong. It made me stronger and it helped me become the artist I am today but I was a child. I did not want to be stronger I needed to be safe.


I learned a lot of things growing up. I learned that sadness felt familiar so I'm relieved when tragedy happens. I sometimes purposely set myself up for failure to at least have a reason to be sad. Self sabotage became my language and boy am I good at speaking. I learned I wanted to **** myself but still learning how to make it easier for the people I love when I'm gone so I slowly make them hate me.

I learned that I am not a good person,
I learned that my parents tried to be. They're still trying.
When you are not fed love on a silver spoon you learn to lick it off knives and maybe that's why every poem I write hurts me more than it hurts anyone else.