I've spent my life recovering from things that I should have been protected from.

I was too young to become a ghost full of grief, children are supposed to be happy and free.

don't tell me I wouldn't be who I am today, without all the struggles I faced.

I already know that. I could have been a kid instead of being forced to grow up.

the people who were supposed to protect me,,
failed me. no amount of healing will change that.

**** right I'm angry, I'll never get my childhood back.

I looked into her Eyes full of sparkle and wonder her mind so full of possibilities and love It spills out all around her. A me from before the world took my voice and crushed me. I promised her the world with one foot outside of her pink polka dot room full of innocence.

With every step I took the air grew colder and my words grew teeth.
I used to hear her cry
Begging me to stop
that I can come back
“there’s beauty in being soft”
enjoy the thunderstorm as it passes
Even with all the damage that it leaves together, We can find the beauty in the rain its smell the refreshment of the cold breeze.

But she doesn't know she is safe in that room because I locked the door and boarded up the windows.
they told me she is too soft.
The world is too cruel for her to be safe.
Her skin bleeds when it hits the outside air. Just pain comes when she is out, and there is no beauty in pain, only suffering.

Her words have become white noise as I wander this condemned house alone. I almost missed... I almost missed “When is the last time you took a moment to look outside?” Barely a whisper on the other side of my childhood door, which caught me off guard because they were never whispered before. She always roared. I'm hit with the crushing realization. Oh no, what have I done to her.  

I stole her voice in trying to keep it for me. Lost in this never ending mazes of who I’m suppose to be.

Her words slowly grow louder, almost as if all she needs is to be seen.
“The storm is gone now, and the birds have began to sing.”
Her words grow bolder as if she finally found her way to be free.
“You abandoned both of us for the sake of me, but the storm has passed, and I promise if you just listen, you can hear the birds sing.” Somehow her hand finds mine on the other side of the door-a connection we have both been searching for.
For the first time I could hear the little birds, even if far off and faint.
“Let me out, unlock this door, and maybe after all this time we can find what we have been searching for”
in that moment I swear I can hear the bird that sings of hope sitting just outside the front door
Wondering if this the moment we have been waiting for to rip this house down board by board.
Rebuilding together to be so much more.

Pieces placed on my palms
As I try to rebuild what I've broken
With glue as my conscience
Of never keeping anything altogether
My TOUCH
Being the wrong ingredient in a well constructed recipe
I never had to take accountability
Was deemed as the suspect already
Gave birth to my fear of touching anything
As my guilt surrenders to each piece of broken glass
And sometimes I wonder if I really love him
Or I found some sense of belonging within him
An expirement of my capability to hold something safe
To find closure in knowing that for once I'm not the danger
No sight of warnings signs
Upon the close proximity of my presence

Dear little one,
I wish I could tell you who you were meant to be,
but I never had the chance to meet you.
You were supposed to laugh without hesitation,
to dance barefoot in the grass,
to wake up without the weight of the world
pressed against your chest.

You were supposed to dream
without fearing the fall,
to believe in love
without flinching at its touch.
You should have known kindness
without conditions,
safety without apologies,
home without war.

But they took you from me
before you ever had a chance to breathe.
They stole your voice
and left me with the echoes,
turned your soft hands into fists,
your open heart into armor.

I search for you in the quiet,
in the spaces between my ribs,
but all I find are ghosts—
memories that were never made,
a life that was never lived.

I carry you still,
even in the ruins,
even in the spaces where childhood should have been.
And if I could,
I would build you a home in my arms,
rock you to sleep with a lullaby
you were never sung.

I cannot bring you back,
but I can promise this:
I will live for us both.
I will find the softness the world denied you,
and I will whisper your name
into the wind—
so you know you were never forgotten.

Beware the ides of March,
April shall weep with us,
And May might even;
Beware the hanging mist,
Avoid the creeping fog,
And move out from the shadows.

Stand before everybody,
Let them hear the truth of your love
And explain that, that love is of the people
Which are of knowledge.

The children of reason,
The kids of virtue;
The lineage of Logic & Wisdom,
Of Innocence & Emotion.

Be wary of the pats on the back,
But less of those open in their criticisms.

Watch the blade which does not reflect,
Whoever hesitant to display their genuine feelings.

Keep your family closest,
But merely watch their wandering affections.

Keep your friends closer,
For at a distance you seem as enemies.

I’ve been to a place at
The end of the sidewalk.
In between safety and  
wild debauched nights of
concrete and neon.

It’s a tabula rasa.
Pristine and precious.
I love it there
where creativity and
innocence dwells on the
backs of phoenix birds and
purple pigeons,
and on the slopes of verdant
valleys, lush with cerulean
blue ponds.

The trees all
gave and gave.
Dragon fruit and  
mangoes and
plants that taught me  
things.

Every fish and turtle that
I caught talks of Keroack
and Dali,
dreams, and love.
Serenity,
thick as maple syrup.
I met some surreal people
and creatures in this land.

And every **** one
of them oozed  
compassion and  
truth from  
every pore.

Hope, the word of relief, freedom, innocence
Helps overcome all challenges and darkness
A beacon in the night, a guiding light
That leads us through life's plodding flight

With every breath, it whispers low
"Cope with life, and let your spirit glow"
Hope is the anchor that holds us fast
A symbol of resilience that forever lasts