it's when the sun goes down
and the end of the day approaches
that she wants nothing more
than to be cosy on your couch
tucked up under a blanket
whilst you do your thing
sitting crossed legged on your kitchen counter
chatting breeze whilst you cook onion rings
when you come lay with her on the magic couch
take off happens
she’s transported
exquisite peace and happiness
kitten curled up on the heater with a belly full of cream, utterly safe, utterly content
at peace with the world
no where she'd rather be

sun down, the time now, is when she struggles
her being reaches out into the night for you
despite these feelings rising and falling
she’s digging deep
learning to stay with herself
hold herself
it's not the same
she can't pretend it is

she's aware enough to see the dark gift
she needed to be alone
to learn to not be afraid of the dark
but the truth is
she’s not built for alone
she’s destined to be the kitten who got the cream
curled up beside you on the magic couch
paw to paw
ready for take off

It played with her
It would whisper
That there was someone else who could understand her more completely
Talk deeper
Make love slower
This illusion has been shattered
And the painful beautiful truth is finally shining through

I choose to wait and allow my love for you its full term
I choose to wait before jumping into the arms of the next great distraction
I choose to be the person I would want to be with

It's you my soul feels home with
Behind ego's dysfunctional patterns
It's you my heart rests easy with

Surrender angel
Feel the love
Feel the heart break
Feel the heartbreak of regret
       For hurting someone you love

When you are not near me
  I question where you are.

        When your messages do not find me until late
                  where are they going?

                                   Do they find a home with someone else?
                                            Or do they stay safe with you?

                                                           ­            When you are not here
                                        staring at me with those golden caramel eyes


                                 I can't help but wonder
                               where else they might be.


                                              Do they stay on one path?
                      or do they wander the world
                                      hungry with curiosity?

I love you
I would be yours
If you would only say the words
Just say the words
And I am yours

That was always the case

I needed to be claimed
Truly claimed
I needed to know you wanted me
All of me
That you were willing to commit to me
That I was important to you
I got to learn all that too late
I got to feel the depth of your love too late

Only through trying to leave did I feel how much you wanted me to stay
That you loved me
And truly wanted me around you
I also got to see how much I love you
Bitter sweet

We used to say we were forever
That we were 110% loyal to eachother
And we would spend an eternity together.

What happened to those promises?
Where did the loyalty go?
Why didnt we last forever?
Who am I to question you leaving...

Its hard reading old messages
People change its true
But I never wanted that person to be you

What happened to the I love you?
Where did the happiness go?
Why did it have to end like this?
Who am I to force you to stay...