i told you "good night, i love you".
yet
i am not sleeping.

i am listening to the stars sing a song

a note
for every time i have thought of your fair, blush-drunk skin and
sweet, tender soul
melting and mixing with mine at the brush of fabric and shoulders and loud laughter in a space too public.
but i don't care.
i don't think you do either.

it might take four shots of ***** to feel that way again.
but
i only need to see you smile
and i know next morning i'll have a lovestruck hangover
and be changed for the next week.

this is the reason why
we should never, ever get married.
unless
this is simply what no one ever told me about real, raw, love
that hits you like a train
the cargo is sugar
bleeding red roses
and now i don't have to buy twelve at the store for nineteen ninety-nine.
first autumn chill freezing my toes inside my shoes while i wait after knocking at your front door
(we're going to the nice restaurant downtown.)
waking up to a tornado warning at five AM and my first thought is if you're okay,
opening the kitchen windows to the smell of fresh rain and you're texting me pictures of the rainbow.

falling asleep at long last

and at long last dreaming of you.


the stars are singing a song
and in my dream, curled up close next to you

i am singing too.

A couple of days and nights
I acquired sadness and restlessly
Anxiety always prevail
I'm acting strange

I'm longing for you
Loneliness tearing me apart  
But i keep on chasing our memories
One by one

But when i see your bubbly face
And heard your angelic voice
I felt rejuvenated
After being devastated

Why is it that every word you speak
I expect insults instead of compliments.
Why do you show your love for me through angry hands,
why can't you show me you love me by loving me
rather than destroying me.
I am scared of what is next.
I am scared of how many more times your hands will be covering my mouth.
I know you love me.
But I also know you hate who I am.
I love him but we are both victims.
We cannot seem to control ourselves any longer.
There is more hate filled touching than love filled.
I have become your biggest pet peeve.
I am the nagging in your ear.
You will never admit this to me,
but I am clever enough to see the hate you have for me by the lack of touch,
the way your eyes don't glaze over when you look at me anymore.
I keep trying to put you out of your misery of the burden that I have become.
You won't let me.
I am sorry I have become a chore.
I never wanted to be the person you wanted the least.

You said it first
Those words I was always afraid of
You said it first
And God it scared me to death

I thought I was never enough
I was never beautiful enough
I never reached your level of class
You were a bad boy
And i was " that girl"

The fact that you said those words first
Is exactly why I could never repeat them
But you had  me tangled in your Web
That you woven so easily with the feelings you thought you had for me

I was so caught up in those words
I didn't realize you were slowly slipping from my grip
I guess I was so afraid to love you
That I didn't bother to hold you tighter
I was so afraid that you loved me first
That it made me believe you weren't honest
now that you've slipped away from me
God, how I wish I could've told you

How I wish I told you I loved you
How I wish I told you that you were exactly what I wanted, needed, yearned for
How you made me feel  better
How you made pain feel like joy

And now that you've slipped away from me
I only admit it to myself
I loved you Wyatt , more than anything
And it's because you loved me first
Is why I didn't tell you I loved you
Because you loved me first
I didn't think you'd ever leave.