Did you know
the girl I see
every night
every day
every second I live
is never the same?

Did you know
she walks like me
she talks like me
but it cannot be me

I have no reflection

I’ve never seen it
felt it
looked at it
touched it
nor spoken to it

So girl, yes you
You who mock me
You who ridicule me
You who see me
Did you know we are not one and the same?

Did you know
I moved on
And yet you
drifted
And became a monster?

Did you know
because
I wouldn’t have
if not for
Your lurking presence.
Taunting me
Crying for me

Did you know
Despite your shouts
Despite your fear
I cannot be you?
How can I
When you didn’t know
You were real
And I was not.

i write my comfort wearily at night
the gooseflesh brought upon my skin by cold
a broken screen, the splintering of glass
all held together by a feeble glue

i find it easy to forget my place
within the realm of things that really are
at midnight, maybe past an hour or three,
when white noise drones within my empty skull

they ache, my eyes, and tether me to earth
one second gone consumes the midnight whole
the crowbar glow is wedged between the lids
the fading world resigns to pure mirage

in hours' time, the cycle will repeat
my sense of who i am will surely ebb

I feel a restless urge I cannot fight
But must make peace with
I feel a yearning in my soul

Does anyone hear my voice?

It is an arrow shot into the dark,

A museum label
Failing to describe the exhibit

It is a sunrise behind glass.
I want it to be freed
I do not have the tools to free it.
The words I speak
Aren't enough.

I need a sound, a touch, a taste
And more to express even an inkling
Of all I think, and therefore all I am

Do you feel the meaning?

I fear it will never dawn in your eyes.

I fear the light is only dim in mine.

i used to think i was confused
now i'm certain it's true.
because the me that was then
has turned into a "you"

We chose to be caught,
Swirling in this vortex,
With our crystalline eyes
Closed, or open—

innocence,
violence.

I remember clearly,
A flirt. A touch. A kiss.
I flew with my mind,
I loved it wet—

but you couldn’t love it then,
you couldn't even hate it,
you hate it now, looking back

We found ourselves
Spinning in the spiral
Of something we chose—
It was our own will,
Unbreakable by anyone,

though it had happened before:
you were torn apart like paper.

and now you are here,
gluing with gold the shattered pieces

Of the beautiful being you are,
Of the beautiful thing you swear to be,
Of the beautiful child you see,
When you look into the mirror
With your eyes wide open.

When I look at you, I see your beauty.
And when I look deeper, I feel your pain.
Will the world, for once, truly see me?
Or will they only glance at me?
Reflection, how do you perceive me?
So Wrongly.
Self, how dishonestly you portray yourself.

You see me smiling-
But do you see the weight beneath my grin?
You see me standing tall-
But can you feel the cracks I've hidden in my skin?
Reflection, you're too kind, too naive,
Believing the face I show the world.

They've taken my words, my truths,
And turned them into weapons sharp as glass.
What I gave in trust, they twisted,
Used it to cut me where I'm most fragile.

So now I hide. I build these walls so high,
Even you, my reflection, can't climb inside.
I keep my pain locked tight behind my smile,
For fear of giving them the keys to destroy me again.

I wonder, reflection-
Are you a facade too?
Do I hide from you as much as the world,
Turning away from what's true?

Can I trust you?
Can you see past the armor I've forged,
Or are you just another wall I've built,
Keeping me from myself?

I'm afraid to look too closely-
What if you're just another lie?
What if I've buried the real me so deep,
That even my own eyes can't find me?

Until next time, reflection...
If I'm ever ready to face you again.

If Life is easy,
why do we strive?
And search for hope,
to keep us alive.
And feel the pressure,
which causes pain.
And leaves a mark,
or an ugly stain

It makes me wonder,
if I am astray?
Or a marionette,
in a child's play.
Or am I an actor?
in a grand display.
Or have a message,
I must relay.

So many times,
I am lost for words.
Which help express,
my hidden hurts.
They bring relief,
and inner healing.
When life is dull,
and not appealing.

Sometimes I wish,
a peaceful death.
At dawn I leave,
with the morning breath.
But I am not the one,
Who's in control.
When time will come,
He’ll make the call.

Suppose I am just blue.
pale, hardly replicable.
Neither black; nor white but
lacking saturation
nevertheless.

I walk the city,

a mysterious woman --


for the passers-by.