Today I'm feeling
Hopelessly heartbroken.
I must rediscover
Something called love.

When you were on my mind
Only you captivated me.
Rereading our love notes
Listening to your voice
Deep withing my memory.

Now I begin to settle into sleep
Effortlessly drifting off feels like
Endlessly falling
Down into a cascade of
Sweet nothings you never said.

My heart feels split in two
Ominous fears fill it constantly
Regrets keep it beating
Eerily in the silence.

Life will always be relying
On my memories of you
Vividly captured
Engrained within my head
Remembering all those
Sweet nothings you never said.

She keeps this beast  
Locked inside,  
Feeding it wine
To settle it down.  
When you look at her,  
She looks like she has it  
All together.  
But nobody really knows
What it's like.  
To stay up half the night,  
Clawed from the inside out.
It terrifies her.
Most days she doesn't say a word
And keeps to herself.
To the one she loves,  
If she reveals those pieces  
Of herself,  
Will you stay? Will you go?  
Like everything else that  
She’s lost.
She drinks to keep herself at peace,  
To keep the beast
from growling too loud.  
And for a minute, she forgets about  
Those broken pieces that didn’t  
Heal quite right.
That it's okay to breathe.
Even if it's for a minute.

If you’re reading this,  
She’s afraid  
To let you in.  
That once you’re in,  
You’ll smell those rotten parts  
That hide behind her eyes,
Or that you’ll hear the toenails screech  
Of the beast she keeps subdued,  
That you’ll realize it’s not  
A beast at all.
It’s the part of her that realizes  
The possibility that you cannot  
Love her, without loving the beast.
Those not so good pieces of herself.
Those frazzled insecure pieces
That despite everything she cannot
Control.
And in the end,  
She’ll regret it all if you turn around
And walk away.
No matter how strong the cage.
One of those bars loosens
Everytime she stares at you

It’s hidden in my heart,
Behind lock and key,
Always present,
Yet never free.

Spoken into existence so long ago,
As bridges burned ever so slow.
I didn’t mean to bury these dreams so deep,
But in fragile spaces, they could not sleep.

I couldn’t let them define who I was,
For fear of a mold,
Shaped by others' expectations
Of what they thought was right for me.

They were ever so close—
A whisper of truth, a flicker of light—
But really, they were far,
Out of reach, hidden in the night.

Now, it doesn’t matter;
The dream stays locked in my heart.
It cannot escape; it cannot exist.
The time has passed; it’s too late for this.

It takes two to want this dream to breathe,
But why does its captivity still grieve me?
Why does it staying locked feel so wrong?
A quiet ache that lingers so long.

Maybe, just maybe, he’ll want this too,
And in one shared moment,
He’ll break through,
Unlocking the door, setting us both free,
A shared vision of love and legacy.

But I don’t think he will;
That fear runs deep,
A shadowed truth I hold and keep.

And so I whisper to myself,
“It’s the divine’s will,
A path unseen, a space to fill.”

Yet still, the lock presses heavy on my heart,
Its weight a reminder of dreams kept apart.
I wonder, I hope, but silence remains,
And in the quiet, I feel the pain.

Think it a wound
That has been cut open,
All of this
Pouring out of some person.
As blood like ichor.
Of Uranus a pouch, a receptacle, a quiver;
Time in consumption,
Like an arrow autochthonic
In the breast of existence.
Nursing the young.
Of Cronus a reflection, a refection, a ripple;
Time in digestion,
Like an innominate derivation
From the navel of continuance.
Bringing them up.
Of Zeus a reverberation, a spark, a sliver;
Time in expression,
Like an aborted secret
From the honey of speleothemas.
Shaping them out.
Of Apollo a radiance, a ray, a participle;
Time in extension,
Like an auspicious countenance
From the mucilage of angiospermae.
Birthing the echo.

Oh Lord my God, that I would disappear
That I could hide inside your heart
And be content to rest in your presence.
That I could be still and silent
That I could melt in the heat of your love.
You are hidden in the bread and wine,
Yet present all the same
And still, you reveal your heart
To those who humbly came.
May I imitate your life
As I try to reflect this love
And share your heart with others.
Increase Lord, until we are
Of one mind, one heart, one soul.
Until the two parts fade away
And the day I am finally whole.
Let me lay my head upon your breast
Where your heart speaks to me
And where I find perfect peace and rest.
Lord, that where you are, there I may also be.