i asked him about life
he talked all about you
without realizing
there was no me
between us
now

now it was him and her
and i was an outsider

she was his life
while i lost mine amidst them

so tell me where i can find mine?
because i called you my life
you made me feel that way

now just because your feelings changed,
why am i supposed to change mine too

was it that easy for you to leave me
when you saw her
why didn't you look back?

if you would have
you would've seen yourself in my eyes

now i am confused because of your life

at least leave me
by taking everything you gave me once
don't even leave your memory

i will build my one life one
where no one will leave me like you did

I’ve got a fire starter in my hand,
foreign notions that I don’t understand,
living in outer space but still on land.
You own every inch of my mind,
every spot has a part of you in it you’ll find,
and your smile that always makes me blind.
Baby I’m addicted to you and you know it
it’s so painfully obvious how much I show it,
I pray everyday and night that I don’t blow it.

You could be the best thing that ever happened to me,
honestly, who am I kidding, you are and we both agree.
You’re all I’ve ever wanted and you’re all I’ve ever needed,
and you deserve to be flaunted, no one could compete; they’re all defeated.

I have nothing if I don’t have you,
I’ve promised the words so I’ll make them true,
there’s nothing in this world for you I would not do.
My breath isn’t the only thing away you take,
you’re human perfection lacking any mistake,
named with the sea but eyes deep like a lake.

You could be the best thing that ever happened to me,
honestly, who am I kidding, you’ve taken away my misery.
You’re all I’ve ever wanted and you’re all I’ve ever needed,
and when you were gone I felt so haunted and all light had been depleted.

You can have my remains-
they’re yours, everything that’s left.
Darling you pump through my veins
and you’re in my every breath
I think about you when awake
just as much when I’m asleep.
A pattern I promise not to break,
but I can’t cross my heart ‘cause it’s yours to keep.

You could be the best thing that ever happened to me,
honestly, who am I kidding, you’ve always been my destiny.
You’re all I’ve ever wanted and you’re all I’ve ever needed,
and now that I finally got this I swear you’ll never be mistreated.

I see you,
Uh-huh, I see you,
I see right through you,
I see you.

I see your desperation,
Your attempts to keep me wanting,
You,
Everything about you,
I see you.

I see you turning older, on the outside,
More mature, like a sophisticated riveter,
But you’re still a talentless shrew,
Daddy’s little princess,
Without the ability to drive forward,
I see you.

I see you for what you are,
I see you for what you always have been,
Always will be,
Always fail to be,
I see you.

I see you rubbing my face in dirt,
I see you trying so hard to be mean,
Independent,
Free of me,
I see you.

I see that all of that would be okay,
If I didn’t see how you still care,
I see that you still care,
I see you.

I see that if your attempts to move on,
were to help yourself,
Not to hurt me,
That’d be fine,
But I see through you,
I see you.

I see that you are better off,
I see that I’m well on my way,
I see that if you had any courage at all,
You’d stop pretending that we both,
Don’t see,
How much we miss our little era,
Even though we put on this digital show,
Of being fine,
I see this facade we both play.

I see you,
Seeing me see you,
And seeing how phony we are,
Pretending to see nothing,
I see you.

730 days of ambiguity,
Searching your soul,
Finding a cracked China doll,
Fragile, yet beautiful,
With a tragic past.

That one holiday in New London,
A mere ride on the Ferry away,
But we took the long way,
Simply to have more time.
More time, how I wish… we had it.

Our excitement as bold,
As our love for each other then,
You watched that Mohegan Sun rise,
Through that gaping window, overlooking the lake,
As you studied my sleep.

A holiday festivity,
Experiencing Siberian music,
In this Native American palace,
Dining like royalty,
And smiling in harmony.

730 days of highs and lows,
Despite how it all ended, and it did end,
That one, quaint little memory,
Reminds me of one simple thing,
We’ll always have Mohegan Sun

Did I **** myself for you
Just to lose you once again
Did I become a different person
Once I pushed you to the edge

This was not what I expected
When I told you I was spent
When I gave you everything I had
To where there was nothing even left

You abandoned all I was
But this isn't what I meant
When I whispered in your ears
To ask if this was the end

If there was something I could do
Some way to make amends
Because you were my everything
And I loved you as my friend

I mean

When the puzzle pieces fell everywhere
We would pick them up again
Place them all back together
Until we reached the very end

We pushed through the hardest times
Just so that we could get ahead
When we were fighting our depression
We'd be supportive amidst our distress

We played all our weird retro games
Just to see how far we'd get
Maybe beat our latest score
And then do our little dance

We raced to see who was faster
Until we'd both run out of breath
We'd make all these little promises
For things that hadn't even happened yet

But as time went on
We began to forget
Who we were and what made us fall in love

In the first place.

writing isn't easy when
the only language i speak
is that of her laugh