why do i crumble
fall into pieces of
oats and sugar
something beautiful
in a white bowl, but
a mess on the floor
when i wake up
in an empty house
why do i wither like
brown leaves
under brand new and
borrowed boots atop
autumn sidewalks
when i’m alone,
i’m alone,
i’m alone
it is not enough
to eat breakfast
however small
to wash my hair with
coconut milk
to not step out into
the busy street;
i freeze before the ice
touches me
i do not allow
the chance to warm
my own hands
i lie down, on
***** sheets,
and wait for someone
anyone
anything
to awaken me

I don't like it
but it's not for me to say
how best to deal
with internal silent
deafening mockery
still, I wish I could do more
than simply comply
when trough cracking dams and swelling waves
you ask
to be left Alone

The air tastes different out here
The stream plays the pebbles like a harp
There is no line that separates the mountain from the valley

No law that forbids the Sun from bleeding into the sky
There are no ends to the trunk
nor starts to the branch
There are no fences or walls
No corners or edges
Nothing sharp enough that it could cut my soul

I open my eyes

I'm still at my desk - chained, only by fear
My weekday tie fastened just loose enough so I can't complain I am choking

I am choking!

A person who can be used.
Reused and refused and misused.

Does his living make any difference?
Absence, presence, are just bitterness.

An idiot who is good for nothing at all,
Is pounding his head as a ball on wall.

Day after day, there's no new story to say.
What happened today, would happen tomorrow as it happened yesterday.

Am willing to scream, am willing to shout.
Am no more in doubt, I've ended this bout.

I have had enough punches, from the satiricals,
Even the ones vocals, and the ones locals..

I have no idea what has happened to me,
I can't see, i can't believe, happy i can't be.

This unhappiness, this loneliness,
This helplessness, this depressedness..

Enough of this Temple Run,
I feel done, completely done. I am done.

Good bye..

Regret

my memory fails me,
for i cannot recall the first time we met
the part of you that was a part of me
has submerged itself into subconsciousness

perhaps we first met in our 9th grade poetry drama class,
when you would wear a variation of your dad’s tees
your thick glasses balancing on your flat nose
perhaps it was at the benches where your eyes first met mine

i cant remember what your favorite song was,
you had so many
i should remember more things about you
yet my head puts a helmet on to keep me from the truth

the audio recordings on my phone are not you anymore
you’re someone different, someone new
i think its a better you, but i can’t be certain
our souls are magnets of similarity, repelling each other

all i recall about you is the happiness bubbles provided you
how you said they made you happy
even when you stood on your 18th story balcony
saying you wanted so desperately to just jump

your voice has changed
its deeper, it cracks more now
it sounds nothing like the boy i once knew
who intertwined his hands and lips with mine

please remind me of our first date…
why can’t i remember it? why can’t i recall it?
i can no longer recall the day i said sure,
only that it was in april, and i was a fool, and you were a joke

we broke up 3 months before our first anniversary
before i broke it off
and broke you

i still remember my fake tears,
and your very real ones
i remember afterwards, this feeling of relief
should i have felt something different?

i feel guilt for not feeling anything
should i have force felt something? anything?
anything other than the feeling of a bird freed from its cage?

the words we exchanged whisper themselves into oblivion,
the “i love you’s” empty and devoid of meaning.

should i have pitied you like i did those nine months
should i have let you crawl inside me again?
just a momentary comfort, a twisted way to show my love?

i will remember these events,
as i was your first lover,
and you were my last

When the rain has driven away the dry
What’s left of us sticks
To the soles of sockless feet, between the toes
Where nature and the self meet

I can taste it, building plaque between my teeth
With hopeless fingers scrape it
Wait for tooth decay, part with the idea
Of a life fulfilled and the perfect day

You can’t run away from death
The harder you try,
The closer it seems you get, and then
Your knees are hitting the mud again

There’s nothing I can do, the night closes in
The doctor’s orders
Are to kiss once again, and part
You have my beauty, you have my art.

We see you commander,
Floating away.
Don’t lower your flag,
We need you to stay.

Don’t lift off this Earth.
That won’t do you good.
You’ll only be lonely,
We did what we could.

Will the little men save you?
I think not.
Don’t float away,
Or you will be gone.

Commander, you command this rocket,
Starboard, port, into the abyss.
We serve under you without failure,
But we cannot function like this.

I know you think that no one will care,
But we do, we love you, and life is not fair.

You have a purpose; Commander come back,
Don’t give up on us,
or we will all crack.