And things had never been so good!
Well, that's what I was supposed to say.

I had broken months before,
But I was too frightened to let you in.
So as we came together,
Something else joined us there.

I'm afraid that I went first,
and strayed further than we meant to,
But something took a hold of us,
And suddenly we were spiralling

Further and further from our intended path
until we crash-landed:
bodies, exposed,
souls, in tatters,
us, in ruin.

I'm flipping through the vinyl at the vintage record store even though I haven't a penny in my pocket to spend.

The owner doesn't ever seem to mind that I am all the time hanging out there browsing.

All the music of my life is there.

Sometimes it makes me sad;
Sometimes it makes me happy.
It always makes me feel something,
But it never fails to quiver my eyes.

I knew the band was touring.
I heard they were coming soon,
That classic rock salvation
Is the only thing that sooths.

I could have fell
Right to the floor,
When rock and roll
Came through the door.

Have you ever seen an idol?
I mean, shining like a god
In glistening southern heat?
I pray to God our eyes don't meet.

He had a flowing tunic,
And a top hat on his fluffy mane.
A small entourage was with him.
His eyes were above his darkened shades.

I gasped and said a swear word that I could not keep inside.
Over stacked of dingy cardboard boxes he saw me,
I tried to beg apology but could not speak;
My legs were petrified.

In my chest my heart was pounding,
Sounding like the beating of a drum that timed each step that he took, as he walked around the musical maze to the spot where I was frozen.

Have you ever met an idol?
Someone who is more than just a man?
Someone who has the message of a poet,
And seems to understand like no-one can?

I forced myself to look away,
Looking down to the floor.
I hate that in this moment
I am so vulnerable,
And I love that my nerves are open raw.

I cannot believe all I can do is panic
And I know he must see that I am pathetic.
My soul is naked in his sight.

I know there is no possible way
I can recover from my shame.
I tremble when he puts his hand upon my shoulder
And tell me he understands, that it's alright,
Tells me him in the eye.

I am so close I can see the pores between the stubble on his face.

He asks me how I'm doing, now.
I tell him that my brother should be the one he is meeting.
He is older, and better and more steady in his grip. My brother loved him first because my mother used to play his songs. That's how I came to love him, too.
My brother is more a man than I.

He tells me that my brother isn't here.
That this is just the way it's meant to be,
This charity, serendipity.

He tells me he is honored I'm a fan
Of his music, and he's glad I like the band.

He ask me if I'm coming to the show.
I change my gaze to see the band behind him.
I tell him that I tried, I really tried.
I wanted to so bad. I had no money.
I've been out here on the streets for quite a while.
And, God, I cannot feel this moment.
Everything seems like it's going.
I cannot help but give my life to him.

Take a breath, he calmy tells me.
He holds his hand out to the side.
He signals with his beautiful *******.
What is happening?

And I ask him

"Have you ever met an idol
Someone you wish maybe you could be?
Or were you always beautiful,
Never just a runaway like me?"

He put the tickets in my hand and
Folds his over mine
And takes my hand as if we were praying.
Nobody is a nobody,
His eyes said to mine.
I can see he knows I understand.

He told me that he looked forward to seeing me in the front row.

When I was young so long ago,
Threatened I was; though I didn't know,
My parents feared as to my fate-
Afraid that the doctors would be too late.

And the doctors did all that they could,
For the fear of my parents they understood,
They opened my skull and saw the mass-
Knowing that they had to move fast.

Many at the time thought those efforts to be in vain,
For my life this tumor continued to drain,
But those doctor's efforts weren't destined to be lost-
For God had not let my death be the cost.

To show I understand what it is you're going through,
I've brought this message of encouragement for you,
For Christmas is the time of giving: as God's done-
And I do hope this will bring joy to everyone.

I Should Have Known

You blazed so bright
Like the midnight moon does in the quiet clear autumn skies
In excruciating despair I looked up to you
You were the only light that could see me through
I found you when all you knew was darkness
I should have known
When one easy fog cloud slid beneath you
You would dance a storm
Realizing you were blinded from me
As if never enough
When the morning eastern sun rose
You would selfishly and yet so proudly
Give up your light on me

Your feel so soft and tender
Silk of finest quality could not compare
In every move you made
You were tamed around me
Like the Morning Glory flower is
To that northern backyard pole  
I held you while you were a pupa
I should have known
When the universe favoured you
You would metamorphose to a pretty butterfly
And when the spring came,
You would fly so easily and yet so proudly
Into the colouring up distance
Where your pretty wings "really belonged"

Your inside so colorful
Like the sight of an exotic summer flower garden
Through every word you breathed
Scents of the most sacred fragrance blazed
I had you in right season
I should have known
When the winter snow came
All would wear out, dry out
And be blown away
Like easy particles of dust

Mongi C. Nkabindze