He sought to fade from her mind’s embrace,
While she lingered, haunted by his trace.
Her silence, a requiem of love's defeat,
A quiet sorrow she chose not to repeat.
He dreamed of renewal, of chances untold,
But she, with fortitude, let the past grow cold.

I am afraid of eyes,
Of thoughts and minds.
Afraid the "me" I see in mirrors
Might not be the "me" in others’ minds.

I fear the opinions, the whispered words,
The voices carving shapes of me.
What if their visions linger,
Ghosts of a face I cannot see?

They haunt me,
Questioning my skin, my bones,
The core of my existence.
Am I enough? Or am I shadows,
Fading in the light of others’ brilliance?

I fear I’ll never be content,
Forever chasing reflections—
Comparing my fragile self
To those I deem better,
Forgetting the beauty
That blooms within my imperfections.

I can always say,
If I leave,
I can ignore it.
But thats not how it works,
Does it?
I already know,
It’ll haunt me,
Until the end.

The prospect of love haunts me,
I love so much,
So many,
Yet if feels wrong,
To love another this fast.
Would I be wrong if I said yes?
If I said that we could try?
I’ve heard love blossoms in the ruins of hate,
But that might just be me,
Would I be wrong for being happy?
Would this finally make me happy?

with its creaking door

it's not the hooting owl
across a cemetery

not dark of night

not goblins, ghouls, or ghosts

no specter haunts me.

but

that song
those places
times left to slip away
hurts that never heal
memories to forget
as if I could

that
haunts
me

I ended the only relationship I've ever had.

Seven days shy of four years I told him I didn't want to get married.
"So you want to get married but just not to me?"

I revisit that day in my sleep every night. The day that I took the plane to do it right. Boston behind me.
"You have completely broken my heart."

My brother by my side at the departure and arrival. The sumner tunnel under construction and $300 in jet fuel later.
"I want you to be gone when I come out of the bathroom."

A few months prior he told me that dating me was "bliss". I knew it hadn't been that for me.
"Is this it? Are you done with me just like that?"

I told him that he was taking me for granted and I couldn't talk to him when I needed him most. Hiding my mental illness should he think I'm broken.
"Just because I don't ask how your day is does mean I don't care."

He flew to Boston not 12 hours later. Even during his grand gesture he couldn't help but criticize me.
"Stand up straight."

He told me he thought suicide was selfish. How was I to tell him I had considered parking my car on the highway bridge over the Merrimack river and jumping off? A women did that the first week I lived here, so I knew it would work.
"I thought about putting a gun in my mouth and pulling the trigger."

My best friend told me he asked her for her name. I'd been dating him for three years. Pop quiz: Who is your girlfriend's best friend and roommate? Did he even listen to me speak at all? Did he even care about my life at all?
"Whats your name again?"

Three months later, I only see you when I sleep. I'm haunted by this memory. I never dream we are still together and I wonder what that means. I've broken up with you a hundred times but it doesn't get any easier.
"Tell me everything you don't like about me. Give me a list."