she may have claimed
that she could always
find one of those rare
desperately sought
four-leaf clovers
amongst any cluster
that had sprouted
amidst the grass
and **** growth
of park or pasture
but never once did she
try to find one
for me

It’s time to let go, let go of the past let go of the pain that has entered your life.
Letting go is hard but i promise it’s worth it, let go of everything that has hurt you letting go means you can start to love your life and love what you do. Understanding the memories you once had are they going to benefit you in your life or are they there to hurt you. Let go of all negativity and focus on the positive, I know it is hard to do but once you start you don’t want to stop. I spent months focusing on myself and letting go of what I can no longer control, I let go of people that I knew were beneficial for myself and my life and what I wanted to achieve, I let go of all the negative thoughts and emotions that once held me to breaking point, I took a step aside and thought about what I wanted better for myself, did I want the life I had a few months ago where I was crying almost every day wanting to feel loved wanted things to change. Or do I want the life I have no which is filled with positivity and meaningful happiness I feel loved I feel like my life is changing for the better. It’s the small things that have made me realise I don’t need anyone to make me happy or make me feel loved because I love myself and that’s all I need. My mental health and wellbeing has drastically improved and that’s because I have let go of everything that was holding me back, I will say it has no means been easy it has had its challenges and a few set backs but I made it, and I would no change anything about what I’ve walked though to get to this point

gardening hands
sliced wings—
you make me happy
and i don’t mean to sound corny
but it’s true.
i am not in love
but time isn’t creeping behind stone walls
time isn’t slithering like a snake
in this garden
the smile cannot stop before it hits my lips
the river is smooth
and settles in my throat
naturally.
i am not in love
but happiness is clinging to my torn sleeves
all the factory floors where my cold body laid so still
are getting renovated,
new floor plan.
harsh sea waters have calmed
after waging a war of hatred.
i am not in love
but this town feels bigger than usual
this gust of wind upon my head
is slowing by the minute.
the hour does not creep,
it moves along,
no hissing nor shouting nor demanding.
i am not in love
but the night spins achingly through my ceiling
as i beg and beg and plead for the sudden heat of the morning sun
sooner, faster
restrain me
i am not in love
i am only
happy

i remember my own misery
like i remember my first kiss:
it was innocent, i was nervous
and it lingered for years

even now, navigating this ocean
of happiness, i remember hunger
and i am drowning in grief

i wish i had no memories;
even that kiss turned violent,
its softness still haunts me

God, i see smiles and hear their laughter;
why does mine not sound like theirs?
i fear my pain has tainted everything

Someone please tell me,  that

..The true Art of Love  is more
than the self-centered,  'incestuous'
  form of  love,  shown
within what the Modern world
refers to as "Romantic love"..
aw ****.. please tell me it is more

    Romantic love says this--
"You are 'of value' to me because I love you"
"You are 'of value' to me because you are in my life"
"You are 'of value' to me because you are  mine"

And after the 'bliss-filled'  romantic love
     ***** the bed..
the only value that remains is through the residual,
soon to be diluted and washed out by displacement--

..Either that of a new self-centered based  'filling'
or that of the re-placement of "value-image"  
with that, brought about through the all-too-ready
  and internally-available Gaslighting process

So please, please explain it to me just how  wonderfully
"romantic' love can truly ever aid in the healing process..
     someone.. please.


     .      .      .      .      .      .      .    

Alone  she sits in her room,  waiting.
The atoms  of the air,  
carry  both sides  of the story--

  The coldness  and the warmth
  the closeness, and the distance

  ..the empty-black
  followed by the Sky-filled Blue

  Someone please tell me,  just who
  helped this little-one  to see
     that the way  out..
     is the way,  through?

Protected to the point  of nearly dying
    Insulation is isolation to the bone
     (she is crying, crying,  crying)

On a Prayer mat,  facing East;
a grounded soul  is flying

    (but flying  so very all alone)

There is a Chaste,  and a Purity
  Borne separated
from the Un-doings  of man..
    Void of all walls,  
   there is a susceptibility

Yet also  a wide-Opening
    to the pressings  of the Ache

There has been a waiting
to the point of near Death
A look in Patient eyes
    (One that separates me  
       from my breath)

Not all are so protected
from the Fallen  love of man
..Not all  have almost died
so all alone  in their room; 

  protected

From that empty kind  of love
leading to an empty, empty  Death

Count the Raindrops,
falling in a Rainstorm.
Count the Leaves,
that are there on a Tree.
Count the Stars,
Up there in Heaven.
Count the Fishes,
Swimming out at Sea.
Take the Happiness,
of the Universe.
and Add them all,
to a Love that never Ends.
Her Heart,
will taste only Laughter
and Her Eyes,
will hold U until the End.

Every morning and every night
Srarting from the sunset to the sunrnise
Wether you are awake or sleeping
Wether you are near or away
With every second passing
I will always love you
In all possible and all ways
I will always love you
Till the end of my days

You are my dearest love
Of all the time
You are my one and the only
And I'm glad you are mine

I did believe in miracles
Still believe though
But never for me
You are my miracle and

I will always love you
In all possible and all ways
I will always love you
Till the end of my days