My dear,
Me.
Thrumming underneath.
Sobbing.
My sure soft
Heart.
Sleeping between each broken
Part.
Have we waited here
Before?
Swallowed the lock
Afraid of the
Door?
Little one--
You're not so
Small.
Far far more than we might be  
Tall.
Far far more than we're often  
Limited.
Far beyond such simple
Primitive.
Bigger than these boxing
Halls,
Far beyond our fearing
Walls.
Little heart in petal
Glass--
Pink clear water of the
Past--
Listen now, your worried
Heart.
Don't just pull, but simply
Start.
Sorting through the worried
Ends,
Kissing every broken
Bend,
And laugh with every angry
Knot,
Smile because know we ought--
To know no better,
Or be more good.
Listen to right where we
Stood.
And hold it up into the
Light,
Abandon what we fixed as
right.
Abandon notions of
"What"
and
"Might."
And open now, to endless
White.
And healing
Dark,
Trace along each mending
Mark,
And I, sweet me--
Just simply
Start.

It took me too long to realize
Things will never be the same
And it has been over seven months now
I still wince when I hear your name

By now should have let you go
Forgotten every kiss, fine line
But it is hard to give up on the one thing
I thought would always stay mine

I do not want to love you anymore
But I cannot stop the flood of memories
I feel like each time I say "him"
(Dustin) is there in parenthesis

I have waited and tried to be patient
But time has not brought any relief
I fear it will take years and years
To reach the end of this greif

Since you died i've felt you,
Hanging around me, placing yourself into my poems.
They might not see you there but I do,
You’re always there.

You never fail to leave a piece of you,
Hidden within each and every line
Reminding me you're gone
Sometimes i wish i could stop you.
Beg you to let me write happily

My poetry is never happy anymore.

But Dad, since you died i've felt you
Holding onto my pen, stuck writing with me.
Dad i write my poems for you now
Every word is yours.
Wherever you are i hope youre proud,
Of the person your only daughter has become today

You dangled from my laytex glove
Prey above dogs
Held sturdy by the chest
Gentle

Playful beasts they were, barking.
TOY! MEAL!
FOOD!
They couldn't see how terrified you were of their instinct to howl.
I foot them inside the rickety screen door.

I agreed to toss you in the woods.
expected a cleaning job.
Extracting a cold still object from her sisters cage.

You looked at me.
I wanted to look you in the eyes
before I did it.
And You looked at me.
Stretched out your legs

We laid down together
Sun cooked the wooden porch beneath our bodies
desperate to learn everything like fresh fall season lovers.

You moved when I touched you.
Like my attention gave you an extra moment

You didn't seem to breath

I offered a carrot.
Meek. You used what life was left in you to open your mouth.
You hadn't the strength to chew.

I was too optimistic.
I know now.
When I broke the tiniest peice of carrot free
placed it in your mouth.
You hadn't the strength to swallow

But you were breathing heavy now

I felt like god.
A human god.
Selfish even now in the giving of life
How happy your mother will be
How powerful I will look
Deciding which creatures live.
And die.

I shoved the bit of carrot
with a medical pinky finger.
You took three large gasps for air

I Dropped my godly optimism in a grey plastic bag on the desperate table of three worried pet doctors.
Embarrassed for me, they ask us to leave

You already had.

At a field of uncut hay.
Same laytex glove.
Same grey plastic bag
Same executioners guilt.

My guardian angels curiosity and risk slapped my greed with icarus wings.

I cried.
threw you like a baseball into the sunset.
Cars pulled wind behind us while I stared.

How like me to give my full curiosity to what is known to die soon.
How greedy I am to try and bring it back
Risk shoving my hand down its throat to chase a miracle that looks
to you
like charity
for the praise,
then abandon it when I discover
the treasure comes with its own ghosts.

I pull down another sunset.
Fast.
Like curtains on a stage

R. I. P. poi,
They said.
I wasn't sure what that meant.
You face only vaguely familiar.
Then I walked in to school...

Twas no ghost town,
Twas the town of dead.
Sullen forms gliding along.
So I wasn't down with grief.
But I somehow felt like I'd blasphemed.

We'd walked the over same grass.
Been taught by the same teachers.
Bumped
into each other.

Yet you were faceless to me.
No name,
No memory,
Only guilt.

Maybe you felt like me,
In the lands of Hades.
Walking through asphodel.

Nay.
From what I hear:
You walk Elysium.