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Bardo Sep 21
Would you be the Lard then,
The Lard o' these lands ?

<The Lard !!!
I ain't the Lard of anything!
I'm the Laird of these lands, yes!
If that's what you mean.>

The Laird, eh!
So there's no Duck or Duchess over
    them then.

<Duck! You mean Duke, no Duke or
    Duchess !!!
Ain't no Dooks or Dutchesses around
   here Mon! >

Then what about the Goose,
The Goose of Gainly Hall.

<The Goose!!! What Goose ?
It's a ghost not a goose,
The Ghost of Gainly Hall !
Only goose I can see around here is
Begone you unruly Mon, Begone!>

Unruly Mon is it ! Unruly Mon !!!
   (squaring up to the Laird)
...Heh! I'll nay fight ye, yer not worth it
The Big Lairdy Mon
I'll go off and alight some place else
Just like the Goose, the Goose of Gainly
    Hall !!!
............Hey Big Mon!!! The Goose! He's
    loose!! He's gone!!!
A bit of silliness purporting to come from the Highlands of Scotland.
blake Mar 1
geese                                                                soar
    as if                                                        they
         have                                          nothing
              to wor                       ry  about
                      they                  just
                          fly              in
                            the     shape
                                of  a
Pagan Paul Dec 2018
Christmas is coming, the goose is getting fat
and is getting strange looks from the family cat,
cleaning its claws and making them sharper,
if I were the goose then I would scarper.

Pagan Paul (24/12/18)
Just something silly for xmas eve.
underestimated Nov 2018
All those games of Duck Duck Goose
I'm the one you never choose
The geese before me couldn't catch you
You're scared to choose me because of what I'll do
I will run faster than ever
Just to be with you "forever"
Please choose me, give me a chance
Just let me hold your hand
Chris Neilson Jul 2018
(No geese were harmed in the making of this post)

In April 2012 my wife and I attended a literary festival in Scarborough. We networked with various authors as we were staying in the same hotel as most of them. When I say "networked" I mean I looked on in awe of them in the breakfast room and the bar in the evening. Andy Kershaw had a book out at the time and he got through at least one massive “full English” at the table next to us whilst slurping tea and tapping into a laptop. My literary "career" was very much still at it's nascent stage so without having a published book myself to talk about I felt somewhat out of my depth.

On a sunny spring Saturday afternoon we decided to venture out to Peasholm Park in a quieter part of the town. In the centre of the park is an island with a waterfall and one linking bridge. This looked very becoming so I was eager to explore further. As we crossed the bridge there were some hastily written warning signs that the island was currently home to nesting Canada geese which could be very aggressive.

As I am a real man I disregarded this as poppycock so we continued onto the island and up a steep curved path towards the top of the waterfall. Around halfway up there were a couple of geese just to the right of the path on a grassed area.  As we drew level with them one approached me and hissed menacingly.  I laughed in its beaky face and used a ****** turn of phrase towards the angry goose, that’s “f* off” to you and me, and continued up to the waterfall not realising at the time that this goose had well and truly marked my card and was now biding it's time safe in the knowledge that his moment would come again.

After spending time in some beautiful gardens we made our way back. As there only appeared to be one path in and out from the gardens back down to the bridge, we re-traced our steps. Half way down I noticed the same 2 geese again.  One was female and nesting. However, her husband, that I had the run in with earlier, was now standing tall in the middle of the path. He was wearing an expression of "come and have a go if you think you're hard enough Manc *******".

As we got closer he took a couple of steps towards me and reared up, flapping his wings and spitting in the most hideous fashion. His body language was screaming  "You're not laughing now are yer" " Tell me where to go did yer?!" "I'm going nowhere!".  The stand off continued for another minute or so. He wasn't backing down. I took a step to the right and he did the same. I took a step to the left and same again. All the time he was flapping and spitting. His tongue was serpent-like.

I decided I wasn't going to be beaten by a stupid devil goose! I made one more attempt to pass him then he lurched at me. I “ducked” out of the way of his satanic beak. I took a few further steps back and was so wound up I considered hitting him in self defence but quickly noticed there were various signs nearby indicating we were on CCTV. 

I could vision the headlines in The Scarborough Herald, "Mancunian Madman Punches Goose In Beak". I accepted defeat so we headed back up the path the way we came. As I looked behind me,  my nemesis followed us a few steps and was straining his neck forward in some kind of parting shot.
As we got further away he stopped, then returned to his nesting goose wife.
We eventually found another path avoiding the Canadian goose **** and were able to escape unscathed. 

Back at the hotel that evening I did consider sharing this tale with the writers in the bar but decided to avoid losing any writer‘s credibility before it had even started,  so instead used my well worn avoidance tactics and ate a packet of dry roasted peanuts and went upstairs to watch Match of the Day.
It's all true. I fully understand this was natural behaviour from the geese concerned. However, when you have a crazed goose flying at you with razor sharp teeth, self defence is paramount.
Bryce Jul 2018
And I will make sure that if anything were to happen,
It would do little to affect you.

It's not everyday
You find a goose that lays eggs
With speckled jewels and golden flakes

The world is full of incongruity
And there's no doubt about the certainty
That something bad may happen,
And we don't want that, do we?

So listen carefully.

The world is a giant carboniferous spicule
Hanging in a nest of hydroxic gas and particulae
Spinning within the gaps of a blackened dome
Of limitless space and out of control
There is no telling what way it will go
There is no prediction that has fortold
Any number of moments in this tumbling slumber
Between the darkest hell and the further horizon

I so deftly advise you with all certification
To please place your bets and fly by echolocation
Your eyes will mislead, your ears will displease
And there is no way we can refund divine warranties

This machinery
has a half life of quarks
And energies that vibrate into other orbits
Retaining the spin and informative piece
Of that golden goose let loose amongst the canopy
Of dark,
off into neverland, straight on
Till new morning,
Beyond the stars

So please good sir don't migrate away from me
I have so much to give and such pain I have seen

Those that fatten their goose with **** till it quacks,
Those ravenous souls who ate their gift for a snack,
And when life finally cuts them down to their last,
They will howl and yowl and pray that goose back.

This is a game,
Have a good little laugh
Don't waste your time or your money
On a daffy Aflack

Policy that keeps you policed to the earth,
No way to fly,
Stuck in the dirt.
That is no way to live in the dream,
That is no way to let death trickle in

So please, pretty please, make sure you have coverages
And a couple extra dollars in the pocket of those jeans
Wander freely, you great big atomic bomb, you.
Do catastrophic damages and I'll pay your dues.

Ride the road coast to coast,
Fly a bird 'round the world,
Take a truck till you're home,
Find a love you can trust.
Find a place where your egg
And your legs seek nowhere else
Lay down those roots,
It's Eden or bust.
mikumiku Apr 2018
Just be the **** ****** you desire
Just be their icon, diva, vogue, inspire!
Just shake that money-making waffle tale
And put it up for every market sale
Or be the coffee squirrel on the wheels
Just give me mochas, lattes – those the deals!
Don’t be so easy cheesy, take a shot!
You drink at Hortons’, baby? You are hot!
Don’t feel like ******, squirrel? Be the moose!
Hang out at Lake Louise with Branta goose
Just grab a Molson and then chill it out
Now, isn’t that what Canada’s about?
Just be polite today and I won’t bite
Just say you’re sorry when you are not right
Just be the polar teddy, be the loon
We’ll love you all the way from Earth to Moon
Danielle Apr 2018
That day the goose feathers went ****,
The Sun blamed the Wind.
The Stars blamed the Clouds,
And Cause blamed the Effect in the confusion.
But truly Cause was to blame,
And shame that he was able to fool all,
By meddling with the details
And suggesting cures to mask the symptoms,
Or the feathers would have been returned
And not a goose would go cold.
The amount of dislike I have for people who ignore the cause of problems or situations and focus on the effects is enormous. Band-aids don't heal bullet wounds.
a meeting
of geese
wouldn't abet
their cold
and stranded
with nonchalant
only to
harry this
land with
ware that
their untold
riches could
indeed  tangle
my heart
here wreched
winter blew
my nose
Canada is a land of riches
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