The pillow’s creased, and coffee cold.
Drops on the window, you seek console.
I’m not there to comfort, or elucidate.
We share a glance, although you may not know.

All the time you were beside me.
Continues to tomorrow and today.
Dissolution and irreverence cloud you.
But I beckon for a light to shine.
Just know I miss you.
You’re never absent in my mind.

Dig yourself a hole, pitiful and abysmal.
I can’t see you when you hide behind my sepulchral existence.
I pine to see you alive once again.
Life seems equivocal and anachronistic.
Anger swoons.
Please don’t tumble into rash being.
I cannot stand to see you apathetic, not tending to your wounds.

Someday you’ll find me.
My eyes in another.
Please let me hold you.
I’ve come so far to be here to solace.
Don’t question my new frame or figure.
Just accept the love I trudged with vigor.

Everything sad--
A soul has left,
we are crying
to act that
we are living.
A man stands
under the tree,
hanging his heart
to think
it will be free.
He needs home
to be loved,
he needs home
to feel a love.
The night was dancing
without the music.
Everything sad--
in the silence,
we know that
he has gone.

The man with a spherical  crown
He aspires to conspire
About the shadow realm

With shrunken shrines of human skulls
He suffered to sacrifice goats
And now found satisfaction through screens

Perhaps some day
I could try burfi,
Stuff myself silly
With this secret delicacy

So long, solo white king
Somewhere in a satire sufficient future,
Somehow they would use our carbon molecules
And particles from follicles as fossil fuel

and I'd be satisfied
If we died together.

nobody thinks about you until youre gone
nobody realizes the hole you will leave in their life until youve left it
nobody misses you until they cant have you anymore
nobody apologizes until it doesnt matter anymore
and now you're gone
and its too late
and nobody stopped you.

Banti (ban-tee)
Such a odd name
But the name I called him
Him.
My beloved grandfather
The man who pushed me to do my best but without the pressure
The man who was always there
The man who put family above anything else
The man who was the easiest person to talk to
My grandfather
Gone.
Leaving behind the people who needed him
Leaving behind his family
Leaving behind the pain that he had to push through
Selfish.
Selfish is what I am
He was in pain and sick
He had  a whistle because he couldn't get up
This whistle is all I have left
He made his mark
A great mark
A mark that will forever stay with everyone that knew him
A mark that left his dog depressed for days without eating
A mark that left many crying for days
Gone.
Whistle.
Mark.
Keywords that tell his story in my words.
His story.
My words.
Banti
My grandfather…..
“He loved his family above all else.”  (quote from his obituary)

If I could tell you how I missed you in one paragraph
The first line should not be the same as what I feel right now
The words that I used to be love actually gone
I will write it as far as I have done
I could not explain all of the memories in my head
Everything I can hold was staying in my bed

If I could tell you how I missed you in one paragraph
I am not sure I could write to you
The sounds that I hear
It is all I will bear
And it’s now standing to fear

If I could tell you how I missed you in one paragraph
My lips were tightened
My eyes were blinded
My ear was deaf
My hand was holding all of the lines that now hope my heart could fine

The winds blew today through my hair,
as I choked on regrets from the old tears.
I silently swore to never see the rain again,
as it kept banging at my doors of life.
To get the giving of my hands,
for I spent a long life giving.
I never could see the rain again,
with its winds and drops of life that
enliven the souls around me, as
I could never love again.

a missed call notification lingers on my phone, taunting me in the small moments, reminding me of opportunities lost. A single minute voicemail replayed a hundred times. Your voice seeping into my marrow growing cold as it lingers. It's all I have left, all of you that remains. A notification, a reminder, a promise that just hours before it all, I was what occupied your mind.

A.C.