I wake up with a stabbing pain,
I force myself to wake up from this nightmare,
and when I finally look in the mirror...
"Wait, what? How did that happen?"
There's violet and crimson marks on me.
They're encapsulating me,
making me feel like I deserved this,
and I did.
The shrinks in their ivory towers tell you
To not be afraid,
Stand up for yourself,
Show them what you're made of, and to
Never back down.
I'm pinned to the floor,
and my legs are paralyzed.
I was left in a puddle of my own pulpy, ****** mess.
and it's my fault.
His voice echoes in my mind.
"Maybe if you didn't act this way, I wouldn't do this,
You're a terrible person and I feel sorry for the people who think you're not. Nobody loves you. People would throw you out in the street if they knew what you've done."
That was the night that he took everything from me,
He took my freedom,
He took my ability to communicate,
He took everything from me,
And he doesn't know why.
Sometimes, I don't know why he does these things.
Isolation consumes me like cable news telecasters consume the minds of sheep, and everyone is programmed to think and act as if the world is coming to an end.
Everyone acts like a victim.
There's two parts to such an accusation;
Victimization
Survival
But, there's a third part that no one tells you about.
Coping mechanisms
I can't stand up for myself.
"You're worthless."
I can't show them what I'm made of.
"Nobody loves you."
Berating, belittling, and biting me with your words.
It shows more scars on me than your fists.
"Why do you do this to me?"
"You must not care about how I feel."
"Why are your crying? Are you pitying yourself?"
"Have you realized that what you've done is wrong?"
"When will you learn?"
I'm not your child.
I'm not your lover.
Make a safety plan,
Get out while you still can,
Don't blame yourself.
You have every right to react the way you want
When he's not treating you right.
Don't let him gaslight you.
You've been through this before.
Don't let him get to you.
You're better than that.
You
are
a
survivor.
