Everyone was out being jolly and happy
I sat there in living my biggest fear
Being completely alone with no one willing to lend an ear
Feeling like I have lost everything
All I had were my thoughts and my own ears
Telling myself I let down my family and peers
Letting her get away was my biggest mistake I ever made
She was with a guy that didn't deserve to see her tears
Seeing her everyday was a living nightmare
Because I couldn't take away her hidden tears
Everyday I tried my hardest to shovel my feelings into a shallow grave
Just to have them resurface by the water from my own tears

Everyday was a nightmare
I was bleeding internally while being kick down by people
That I thought actually cared
I tried my hardest to hold back my tears
But that night I cried for the first time out of feeling completely alone
Asking myself what could've I done
Why am I the one crying these tears I never deserved
Why am I so alone when all I try to do is bring joy to the world

I was mourning my own death for so long I forgot how to live
I continued walking forward in this nightmarish state
I was doing everything to make myself proud just to see light
In such a dimly lit place in my mind
What a dreary and dreadful nightmare I was living
But something reached out and caught me

One day my dreams were no longer about loneliness or fear
I looked back at all those nightmares and I saw a different version of me
I climbed mountains without realizing it
I killed many demons that were so much bigger than me
I was started feeling light and cherished
Cherished by my peers
Cherished by my family
Cherished by my friends
Cherished by her
Now I am scared to wake up because everything feels like a dream

Words can **** someone
Shorter the more impactful
Words can save someone

Born in this world as a innocent cub
Born into a world of temptations and desires
I use to be so scared of rejection and chased perfection
I lost my vision of perfection when I was introduced to temptations
I have had countless dances with these temptations
They just made me feel so free from this pursuit of perfection
This chase has led me astray and introduced me to a world of gray

A world of gray filled with nothing but space and me
I have used every fiber in me to paint my world of gray
By drinking just to sleep when I didn't even believe in me
Running miles for people that wouldn't even get out of bed for me
Doing everything to fit in instead of trying to stand out
Pretending that everything is okay while I was internally bleeding
Giving people chances that didn't even deserve a second one
Having *** just to feel something

Now my world is no longer gray
Its turned into a beautiful shade of white
Ready for me to paint a masterpiece
Time to let this little light of mine shine
And get what is mine....

Are monsters born, or created?
I stand before you,
Unable to comprehend what has happened.

Once, you were my friend,
My brother,
My alibi,
My family.
Once, I knew you.
Now I see a stranger,
A stranger who has killed, and destroyed.

In a world far off in the past,
We were children.
We were innocent.
In a world far off in the past,
We were together.

This was my fault
I stood off as darkness took hold.
It sank its claws in your skin,
Why didn't I do something?
Before it took your heart,
Your heart that was once so beautiful
That was once so kind.

I created this monster that stands before me,
And I'm sorry my friend,
But now I must undo what I have done.

Are monsters born or created?
I do not know,
But I made this one.

Once in a land far off in the past,
We loved each other.
Once in a land far off in the past,
I had not held a knife towards you.

I'm sorry, my friend,
Goodbye

Don't worry baby
I'll give you the world and more
You're my everything

Fingers type aggressively into the night as I stare at the screen of my phone.
A group debate about whether or not applying deodorant to your ****** will stop the chronic itching is being played out
We all smile and laugh.
For the record, it totally will.
The discussion of memes enthrals my mind as I relax into the cotton comforter.
The feeling of satisfaction travels through my veins as I embrace the friendship I have and the light, playful conversation taking place.

Anxiety and paranoia settle in and take their well worn places in my mind.
Like icy blue dragons, they curl around my thoughts, just waiting for these people who will soon be irrelevant to leave me.
The words they type about Harambe have no meaning
But the words they think about what I say in return imprison me.


Fear of abandonment creeps in as I swirl the aspects of my personality into a hue that will convince them not to drop me in a ditch.
I know, not because I’m afraid, but because I’ve seen it happen, that my trust in them will be burned to ashes eventually and I’ll be yet
Another traitor to the fragile glass of friendships that we all hold together.
Just waiting for them to use my insecurities against me like a time bomb ticking

Ticking

Ticking in my ear.

And I can’t see the timer.

But I laugh along.
And send a relevant emoji.
They laugh at my jokes and I can’t stop thinking about how soon enough they’ll be laughing at
Me.

I can't reverse time
Always chasing those past times
Time to move forward

I haven't been sleeping a lot lately

The world's been awfully rough lately

My decisions are a little

Hasty

Old friendships have long since rusted

I'm not liked and I'm never trusted

Yet I'm okay with being hated

Then at least I know where I stand

I am sorry for letting a few bad people tear us apart
I am sorry for talking with so much bitterness
I am sorry for throwing you to the wolf
I am sorry for silently watching him destroy you
I am sorry for leaving you when you needed me
I am sorry for making you cry
I am sorry for being difficult
I am sorry for pushing you away
I am sorry for trying to fix us while I was still trying to fix myself
I am sorry for falling for you so quickly
I am sorry for holding on for so long
I am sorry for not understanding why we are holding onto each other for so long.
I am sorry for still having feelings for you
I am sorry for missing you like crazy
I am sorry for being the jealous type
I am sorry for everything
I am sorry for this since it probably doesn't mean anything to you
I am sorry I'll leave you alone and let you be happy
I am sorry for never saying sorry
So sorry.....