Foolish
Really how did I not know
Every feeling I have towards you is a reflection of something within myself

Of course I don't trust you
I have nothing but doubt for myself
My own thoughts contradict one another
I'm afraid to be proud

I can't remember the last time I felt unabashedly proud
I can remember silently rejoicing straight faced after scoring a goal in a soccer game
Brushing off my teammates cheers and shouts

I can remember trying to let my friends know
I'm just a good test taker
That good grades don't equate to intelligence
Subtly depreciating my own source of pride

Too afraid to have ownership
Of any talent or skill
I'd rather halt progress than be granted attention
I'd rather lose all my skills than have superiors with high expectations

So you shouldn't expect me, really
To be capable of loving you
I'll give too much or too little
But I'll never quite be sure you really love me

------


Why do I play this fools game?

The rush of the steel to the vain

Does in no way, outweigh the withdrawals, the pain

The quick fix of the crimson- reinserted heals the shame

I feel borderline insane, self-inflicted yet again

As I suffer in dismay, crying out the Lords name

Please, please take away this addiction, this pain


----


-LetterGoddess

You think
I am a hen
In god's house

There for the plucking

Oh honey
How foolish you are

To think it'd be so easy
To get close to me

My feathers are gold and ivory
And my beak deadly

Moving with pigeon toes
You stumble and trip

You thought this dance
Would be swift

But this is ballet
And you are not my Siegfried

I wept for a life that was stolen
I cried myself unconscious missing a golden reflection
Sneaking breaths of memories trapped in the dark
Like an utter fool


I gave up such a precious portion
Handing over what used to be sacred
While whispering words too secret to be audible
Unaware of my folly


Limping through my days on crippled wings
And now wincing at the knowledge of what I helped create
What was once so revered, what was once so precious
Has slowly slipped through these fingers


I spun in circles under the sleepy stars
I let the burn envelope me
Suffocating in order to believe
That I wasn't just another foolish girl

10/8/08