Love me first!
Why do you think I’m undeserving?
When have I ever deserted you?
I could never do you wrong.
Yet you don’t ever love me first.

You love and crave temporary people,
But I’ve been here all along offering what those people couldn’t, making promises and keeping them.
Yet still you can’t just love me first.

You want someone who knows you inside and out.
Here I am. Why don’t I count?
You want someone to give you unconditional love. I have tried for a lifetime, yet you reject it.

Stop giving titles to undeserving men.
I was your first love.
Or is my love not good enough? Not tangible enough? I can’t caress you like they can.
But I am real and I am here and I want to love you.

So please, let me love you and let yourself love me, first.

I am broken
I cant be who you deserve
Its a fact I cant leave unspoken
I never wanted to be away from you
You were my escape, you reminded me the sky is still blue
I loved you
Or did I ? .... I feel like I used you
You were the temporary cure to my mental illness
I wouldn't spiral when I was with you
I wanted to make sure you would stay
So I gave you what I  thought you wanted ...... a kiss
To make sure we would be okay
That kiss ruined everything
I didn't realize you got attached
I'm not allowed to date, that's the thing
I tried to fix it
Make it not a big deal
But it was too late, I already hurt you
You wanted to be more
I'm such a fool, I had no clue
You'll never understand how much I wanted that too
I needed you
The rule is : I cant date cause I might get hurt , which in-turn hurt you and that hurt me
Its funny the thing that was supposed to prevent heartache, caused it
My pillow case was soaked more then the sea
Maybe if I ...?
I should have...?
I could have...?
My mind starts to spiral ,but your not here this time
I'm sinking deep in a hole
I know I cant climb
I stay up late thinking of you
My life will never be the same
You were my first love, kiss and heartache
I'm sorry we played this game
I'm sorry
My Midnight Snacc

Do you remember,
When we ran the world?
We were the king and queen
Of a dominion, so big and true,
The central of which was a eucalypt stump
Guarded by a broken, barbed wire fence

Do you remember,
When we thought
We’d never get older
And we’d never grow apart
Only closer?

I miss those halcyon days
Afternoons and mornings
Under a great blue sky
Back when we ran the world
Because the world we always knew
Was so small and tiny
Just like our minds and bodies

Our problems seem so close
And these youthful days seem so far away
But I remember them so dearly
With every breath of gust carrying
The pure scent of fresh mown grass
And with every taste of orange juice
I hope you cherish them as well
Because they mean the world to me

And I still dream of these days
Both waking and through the night
Where I can live untroubled once more
By your side, hand in hand
Against the villainy of getting older
Even though it’s the inevitable fate

All crowns rust in the unavoidable years
Which come and go
With changes unprecedented
But embraced with an adult acceptance
Because we aren’t children anymore
We aren’t in a playground dominion
Along a beaten path and in the shade

Our reign is over, and I no longer know
The faces who have taken our places
But I hope you know
I thank you for the memories
They were so sweet and innocent
And even as we got older
And our feelings grew stranger,
I believe we’ll always have our days
As kings and queens
In our little-big dominion
So long as we always remember

you were ever rarely a good love
a bad love
an abusive love
a love that was never love
my first love

i hope one day you learn to look into the corners and see that the webs were not cobwebs brought about by the lengthy days we had. they are strings painstakingly spun through the tough yet beautiful years that we have, all of those keeping me tethered to you. i hope you learn to read between the letters and the lines, that each one was made as a puzzle for you. i hope that one day you will learn that i cared about you as much as you cared about me. now that it's all over, i hope that you learn that my love does not lie in the open. you know how secretive i am. i would not leave the thing i value the most out in the open, just for people to try and take it from me. no, this is why you thought i never cared. i hope you bothered looking under your pillow or in the books i lent to you. it is in the ruffled sheets of our nights and mornings together. i slipped my smile for you in every single one of the pages i dog-eared for you. i hope you found it at 2 am, in the mornings with me. it was in my sleepy kisses and the way i huddled close against you. i hope you felt it in the way i ran back to you, every single time, when my rain poured only for you. i hope you hear it in all of my playlists about you that i never told you about. i hope you heard it in my giggling to the silliest things you said, and i hope you unraveled it in the way every single night i hugged you good-bye. i hope you felt it in our goofy dancing under the stars, eighteen kilometers apart. not far, but not close enough. i hope you realized it was in my tears, till the very last time i tried to fight for us. i hope you felt it in the way i gripped your hand as we walked a moon-lit street, and i hope you remember it in the way i asked for your embrace for the last time. to be perfectly candid, i was so nervous that night, but the way you held me, as it always did, calmed me down. i will always remember how you smelled that night, like sunshine, and you walked like it too. you brought me home that day, and i asked you one last time if you still loved me. i hope you heard it in my silence, anxious yet relieved, when only nothingness filled the car on the way to my front porch. i wondered why the silence was deafening even when there were no words uttered, even though my world was crumbling down under the tires of your car.