scrub scrub
brush brush
you’ll never be perfect
you’re not good enough
no use in wearing makeup
it can’t work miracles
besides
you can barely get out of bed anyway

slip on that sweatshirt
baggy to cover your fat
look at those fat thighs
the flab on those arms
no wonder everyone who loved you has left

fat
ugly
cover yourself up
shorts are a battle
bikinis an impossibility
might as well just give up

body positivity only works for pretty girls
and trust me
you’re not one of them

He stood in front of her ****,
He was in an extremely rude mood,
But she wasn't paying any attention
Because Jen was a bit of a *****.

When she finally noticed,
Jen started a miniature protest,
"James put on some clothes; at least cover up those" (she said pointing at his testicles).

James swayed his body side-to-side,
He felt he had nothing to hide,
He walked towards her (a masculine stride)...
Jen blushed and covered her eyes.

"James, it's not very funny
To come running towards me"
and Jen whisked off in a flurry (of anger).

James saw his reflection
and poked his midsection,
"Maybe she's right, if my stomach was tight
Jen might not have had an objection"

He sighs and puts a top on.

2nd of Jan all revved up
Another cup of tea in another tea cup
Back to work sharp and raring to go
Cup of tea gone, the start is slow

Happy New Year you say with glee
The guy over there is staring at me
I pick up the pace and give it some wellie
Oh crap I think he's staring at my belly

Peanuts, crisp, Toblerone and cake
Turkey, trifle all on your plate
Just eat and sit until you're ill
As you tell yourself just sit and chill

Must get fit and lose some weight
Tuesday arrives you come home late
Chicken Pie, peas and a pint of beer
Same old same old Happy New Year!

New year, new school,
new class, new rule.
Everything again,
the same old pain.

Darkness, my old friend,
I thought I've put an end.
I thought you were gone,
I thought there was none.

Again, I'm wrong,
for me there's no happy song.
Same pain in my chest
never lets me rest.

'Smile when you're happy.
Smile to be happy.'
That's what they say,
but that's not the way.

Always smiling,
but inside I'm dying.
So sick of pretending to be alright.
There's nothing to hold on tight.

'You'll be OK, it will be fine.'
When's the question, when's that time?
Soon I'll break down,
it may happen before the dawn.

So ashamed of myself,
the fat pathetic self.
Can't even look in the mirror,
always needing a pillow.

I never cry.
The trick is to try
to hide everything in you,
to never bother with your view.

Brother, sister and family,
they all keep it happily.
Cheerful and energetic,
not like me - pathetic.

Only music succeeds,
my dark thoughts beats.

#depressed #sad #pathetic #shame #fat

he taught me
how to love myself
on every day i did not
i hated everything
about my self
yet self love he still brought

i used to flinch
when his hand touched my skin
i'd stay still holding my breath
while ******* my stomach in

i'd look away
down at the ground
despised my body
that seemed to round

i'd never rest
my weight on him
afraid to crush his bones
since a saw myself far from thin

but he held me close
against his skin
said i was beautiful
with a reassuring grin

not a day goes by
that he doesn't make sure
i know my self-loathing
is utterly obscure

so now i see beauty
in plain brown eyes
and see something lovely
in big stretch marked thighs

although i dont love it
i don't hate every inch
thanks to him and his effort
i don't see it and flinch

he taught me
how to love myself
and now i think i do
i hated everything
about my self
but he has helped fix this view

s.s